When Dreams Prevail,

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Yum yum for the tum tum~

Has been so long since we last went marutama haha.
Kinda happy to go back there for a good round of ramen.
Sadly Ning wasn't able to go.
Heard that she had hurt herself.
I wonder how is she now?
Anyway it has been a good nite of dinner though.
Having marutama with a slice or 2 of cheese tofu in it~
7 person in total .
So yea 2 slice for me then muahaha.

But I think there is too much things to do this whole week.
Not having enough sleep.
With 2 days of cosfest photos, I am only done with wat seems like 50%
of the total shots needing process.
Not to mention I miss out details that I need to do adjustment.
>< really sorry guys.
I should have done QC on the photos before I post...

Ok I guess lastly it is about a dream I had this morning...
Can't recall fully wat had happen.
But apparently wat caused me yo wanna blog about it.
Is the fact that something I didn't expect to see in real life.
Actually happened in my dream.
Someone actually asked me if I have a interest in her in my dream lol.
If I am not wrong I just turn my head away to hid my
Face and brush off the topic , saying we will talk about that later.
But seeing from a 3rd person's view I can feel that I am really to burst out the answer lol.
Really wanna know wat the dream version of me will do.
The real me is impulsive if I an pressured.
The me inside of me and my dream is a all different type of person.
That is why I never like to deal with decision that is needing an instant ans.

I like to so things slow and smoothly.
Given chance to do correction here and there.
But nah I don't really dare to express my feeling out too fast.
Let time do the changes bah.

Argh so tired.
Still wanna sleep somemore ><"

8:10 AM

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

sometimes i ask myself. (true story)

Sometimes i ask myself :
" what am i looking for when i am first born? "

" i wanna be a builder! " i said to myself
while playing with my lego and building houses and plane

" i want to me a writer! " i smirked to myself
as i wrote stories of the dreams i had and the things i see

" i want to be an artist! " i said while smiling happily
as i attended art classes,
holding upon a drawing i drew of a dragon boat race ,
with racers coloured in green .

But as i grow up
i discovered that,
i cannot build but i can design the layout,
i can't write but i can visualize what i wish to tell.
i don't really wanna draw but i wish to capture the image with the colour as it is.

I told myself from then on.
" I want to be a photographer,
to build the world with colourful images,
write a story with the pictures i take,
and paint the world with vibrant colours with my imagination."

and so from there on i moved on and kept myself focus on learning the ways of the light.
it's not about earning money nonstop and doing ur best
it's about doing it with and without earning money .
yet following wat u think is important in life.

i am happy to know that ,
even if i am sick,
not being able to live a long life,
or even about not having someone to be with.
i am happy to paint the world,
draw smiles and happiness as well as creating what my eye and mind see
into a visual art.

most ppl in singapore is just thinking too much about things that is way too farsight.
thinking of about what it would be after they are old.
about retirement and death.
i would ask everyone a question.
what if u secure a health insurance?
what if u set a firm retirement?
and working your ass off only to spend on things u want now?

life is never secure.
are you happy with what you are doing now?
i know you might already start thinking about .

"so what if i am not happy now? i will be happy when i am old.
while you aren't"

my reply would be

"nah,i am happy that i revolve myself around happy memories,
doing things i know i would not be able to do when i am old.
facing challenges that i might most probably give up due to my aging body."

so before you start thinking about asking someone to look at what society has to offer.
take one step back
and think what have you done recently?
is it really what you wish to do in the future?
if you are happy with what you are doing,
you would smile after you have done it,
and feel happy inside.

if not,
it's is just another job that you think u are doing,
because the other job just doesn't seems to interest you or too tough for you.
ppl who don't reply instantly doesnt mean they have something to hid,
it's because they are finding words that are more appropriate to reply.
don't be judgmental over how fast a person replies,
but how much a person actually do.

because a person who thinks rather then act instantly has thinks plan way more then a person with nothing but words.

8:41 AM

Monday, February 27, 2012

Sometime I wish...

One thing about having friends working in a job that requires secrecy
And having to do deals with them makes things really complicated.
That is why I dislike changing things from one to another.
It applies for the things I do as much as for love and relationship.
Once u put ur heart in one,
It's just not right to put it in another.

Sigh...
I guess the issue now isnt about love.
But more about deals.
Having to know 2 person
whose dealing with the same thing.
Yet u have already have dealt with one while
The other is a friend who u know for several years.
Yet u know u are avoiding him for the last 3 years
From the deals which u hate facing.
But because of good will u agreed to meet
hoping for some others to learn.

But wat the outcome is the guilt of "cheating" a friend
Who I have to face for the next 5 more years incamp.
Now suddenly whenever I face anything that revolved around the deal.
I totally don't feel like doing at all.
My mood totally changes...

Sometimes I wish my friends isnt into those job.
Stupid Singapore.
Having so much competition in the same job scope.
F**king competition is so tight that.
One feels that anything within the circle is nothing but a profit.
Argghhhh...
Having headache this morning.
And now this guilt feeling isn't helping as well.
I really need to care for myself more then for others.
Being too friendly isn't good at all.
First girls are always into douchbags
2ndly being kind ends up getting negative feedbacks
Cos to many ppl , the thinking would be
" noone whose kind enough to do things."
F**k society.F**k idiots societ classing >.>
I wish I am in Japan...seriously

Singapore is just too much of a F up place >.>

...
So frustrating inside of me...
I guess the most troubling thing inside of me would be wat happen last nite...
Parent argued again.
Over some issue which I don't know.
Here I am wanting to plan for my future.
There it is a family issue that kept dragging me
Deeper and deeper into black hole.
Where I can't breathe and I can't vend my anger out anywhere.
I can't tell anyone my problem.
No one would actually understand it anyway.

Things like these,
If u experience it first hand,
U would look at the world in a very dim light.
To me everything in the world is always about money.
Everyone does a thing for the money gain they can get out of it.
I know in order to work out my life when I am old.
I would need to work hard now.
Not for anyone but for myself.
I fear to have someone to be with...
I really do..
With a family experience like this...
Wat lies ahead of me
is nothing but a blank sheet of paper.
A paper which I dare not draw upon.
I am no perfectionist
But watever I do,
I seek perfection.
Why...?
I donno...
My eyes are watery now.
But I hold my tears back...
I can't show my weak side to anyone...
I need to show the world how strong I am...
That I am not easily defeated...
Yet here I am trying very hard to old my tears back...

My heart aches a lot now...
I am seeking comfort... No I am craving for comfort...
No one I can cry to now except here .
I hope my words would be carrying my sadness
And tears for me...

I really donno would I would do with this little santuary of mine.
Since the day I started living here.
It has always been a fairytale for me.
Happiness, deepest sadness,loneliness, achievements.
All my feelings and emotions all stored in a digital world of characters and pixels.

Without me knowing I have talked so much here.
I am afraid of going home now...
Yet I am really tired now...
Really really tired of everything...

4:19 PM

Thursday, February 23, 2012

too much things too little time

just finish talking to a friend on photo editing project.
seems decently ok i guess.
but from the organizer's way of talking,
it seems like he is looking for a free meal -.-
it better not be some freebie frenzy.
time is important to me
every weekend i can put a photoshoot to up my portfolio.
dont ask me to do live editing for free i will go key siao.

also went to look for MP for a request on letter appealing for school fee.
but it seems like i am a bit too eager in preparing for it.
had to wait for the school to officially post the fee before i can appeal.
wasted another 2 hrs waiting there ... sigh...

sigh...
i donno if i should be piss off or just forgive and forget.
i have notice ppl do not take me seriously,
and consider the consequences of making a decision.
everytime i give an idea.
it takes me time to think about the answer
and to consider all the reasons before i would give my opinion.
some wondered on why i dont dare to reply instantly.
thinking that because u arent sincere , and u dont know.
that's why u dont respond instantly.
to me every answer means wat it meant
and i bare my promises that i make
fulfilling them as much as possible.

i have already read through ppl's mind way before they decide on things.
sadly i am disappointed in the decision ppl make when they finally
decide on things.
so i will just vent my anger here and let it go to rest...
^%R&**^%RTYUPIBVIYT FGOIG FIYVDBFNUIH UIFBGN..!!!!!!!!!!!!;lkdgnisojfoisjgoi

ok angry feeling . go away and dont bother me anymore zzzz

10:31 PM

It feels nice to be appreciate for wat u do.
Today another friend of mine who was my Ns mate back then.
Praised my work .
I guess after so many shoots and practice.
I finally am seeing my fruit tree bearing flower.
Of cos flower meant nothing to a fruit tree
Until u see it bear fruits.

For some ppl in the world.
These things we do are worthless,
Weird and not socially accepted.
I would like to ask the world this question.

So wat if we are the 10% of ppl who aren't like the rest?
Is there a problem to it?
You don't like wat u see.
U feel that we are weird.
U think the ppl u love has to be doing the "normal"
Things.

Let me ask u.
Wat is life to u all?
Are u just another soul-less walking corpse?
U wake up for work,
Love the ppl u think is socially accepted.
U sleep early in the nite.
And u think of the world as nothing but money and money.
Wat ARE you for real?
You are nothing but a plain piece of paper.
Nothing more then that.

Ps : plain piece of paper is boring.
Go dye urself with some polke dot at least.

1:20 PM

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Human race is weird

Humans are just plain silly.
When u stand up,
U force urself to fall again.
When u fall,
You cried and wish u didn't force urself to fall.
Then u lie to urself saying that the world forced u to do so,
That u didn't have a choice.
But clearly u have more then one chance to walk and stand proud.

Sadly i wish we are just wipe out by an asteroid or an alien invasion wiping the human race out lol

Being a human being I find all these little wards if truth
So hard to digest.
With the extra senses that we possess compare to the animals.
We are suppose to be superior amount all,
Yet we have a side of us which destroys each other.

And that side is called emotions and feelings.
We fear,
We feel excited,
Happiness and sadness.
And lastly we feel despair .
The one feeling we all fear the most.
This feeling causes misjudgment and false feelings.
Once u follows it.
You will forever dwell in the delusional dimension of self deception...

4:51 PM

Saturday, February 18, 2012

lots of thinking through...

hmmm a lot of things is revolving in my mind now.
about the future, my passion and my responsibility.
actually quite sick and tired of the lack of fund.
time has pass by for so long yet nothing is really moving much.

as i was browsing through JobDB.
i notice there is actually a lot of job opportunity to pursuit my passion.
but one thing is missing now and is really required is having a car license...

i know myself ..
if i really wanna go into the line of photography.
i gotta have my own transport as well.
hmmm ok i have set a resolution .
if i am really unable to get into ngee ann poly for my course.
i will pick up driving.
i know i have my fears of driving.
partially due to my prob of falling asleep without me knowing.
i wonder if that is the reason why i kept having pressure in facing it.
i know money wise if i wanna save i can do it.
just the psychological pressure...

i guess wat really turn me back on track was due to someone.
i mean if u meet up with someone whose mature etc,
ur thinking would start to change.
i am glad i learn things and changed my habits.
as a friend i do have to thanks her.
but i guess i dont wanna do it now.
wat matters most is to make things happen.
and when the fruits of my success comes by i will approach her to thank her.

past months have made me grown a little older and wiser as well.
i guess i mix with younger age so much that i totally forgot i am actually my age.
priority comes by with the responsibilities i have to face.
the challenges i will need to meet.
i do see changes in me.
and i am proud of it!

10:47 AM

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Lol wth

Lol funny isn't it.
Just when u feel u are afraid of u miss someone.
U do all things to make sure
U will forget the wrong feelings .
So that everything will be back to the norm again.
Yet in the end,
Things get mess up.
U get misunderstanding deeper then ever.
And in the end u only found out that u ppl actually was actually trying to
Contact u again.

I have never expected it...
With so many miss calls once every 2 hr or so
It makes one wonder .

But the past few days must have a troll in my life
Just not long ago,
A colleage almost didn't regconise me from my stomach lol.
Can't be that kua zhang bah.
Just a few days of lose appetite ,
I lost that much?

O well it's a good thing also bah.
I wish for my old body again.

7:32 AM