last day of the month...
31st July 2008
last day of the month...
finally reach the end of the month.
the project is finally ending
with only 30% more to go
today had the help of the banquet ppl as well as qi and lyn
5 more excel sheets left...
gonna miss everyone once the project ends
the fun we all have together
loling and joking with each other
hah today kept teasing qi about her and her bf "anata" and "dana-sama"
haha nice to see a loving couple finally blooming flowers of affection
haha for me it's back to the seeds of desire
nah i donno if i can trust myself for wat i think anymore
i cant even differential between real love and friends
i guess the desire to be loved as well as someone
i truly can share my thoughts with is hard
liking someone which bares no return for it is something kinda silly haha...
wat?!
cos i didnt touch her heart?
hmmm how could i when there is so much unknown factors roaming around?
a devil beside the human
and a world of spikes and thorns
even my wings woud get all torn up by them
i can only just be myself
and be a loner haha...
4 years ago...
was it oct or was it sept?
i lost my heart for someone.
someone i have been with for quite a while
someone who i have always cared for ,with every soul in my heart.
but it's also that that have cause me to become somehow lost like now..
holding too tightly and end up killing myself with the tight rope of fear
for now i guess i wanna achieve a dream i have longed for
to be able to cosplay even for once or many times if i can
unlike many who relised it not too long ago
i have had this dream since i was in my teens.
yea i mean i were they age as well
with my dreams of becoming the anime char which i like
haha as i was talking to nori last nite
i remind myself something again
why wasnt i born as a gal?
i have every aspect of a gal,
gal's heart,actions and affection and emotions
but yet i am standing here in a guys body.
nah i wont go be a ah guah or transexual
i accept wat i am
so i can only see the female side of me when i have ppl acting for me
may i be cosplaying or posing.
alexis...? nad i guess it's a wrong name for me too tomboyish
alexander is my name.
alexandra is my femine side sister's name.
we are both sister and brother living in the same body.
2 different souls living in harmony
that's one reason why i kep hugging my self...
dear sister pls rest well...
alexander would care for alexandra always....
blur blur today
30th July 2008
blur blur today
wah sian... type so long stupid comp dc end up never draft...
ok lazy to retype
anyway those are oldstories..
dont wanna say again xD
o well so much for trying to talk to my future me about this present me xD
works ending soon
29th July 2008
works ending soon
as i sit around supervising the banquet ppl.
it came to my notice that this project is ending soon
soon i will be out of this crap for a while
and again back to a similar job scope as this as a perm..
i wonder if i should take the job up..
seeing these data everyday kinda drived me crazy
but i guess if i am in a office envoirment it should be slightly better ,i hope lol
as i was caching around webby and blogs i came back to my old story blog
and guess wat ? i reread a dream which i wrote 2 years ago
wow it's really nice to have a blog knowing that u would remember strange things
dreams sure are mystical in a way.
they come and go in a blink of an eye
but the stori4es when it is so fantastic that it amazes me sometimes
the story of a sad love story lol
kinda made me laughed at it for a while
is it good to be lame sometimes?
being lame just to crack a laughter on a sad person
or does it not work on everyone..
i wonder myself how "cold plate" jokes can be a sad killer =\
haha maybe i should go read a book on
"how to make a person smile when they are sad for the dummies"
o well so much for trying to make ppl smile
yea i just hope everyone would smile a little more
and let the sad stuff just fade away into outer space.
today donno why i kept feeling so hungry..
morning a carrot cake cos my favourite wanton noodle stall is close
lunch fish and 2 scopful of whip potato.
geez seems like a big amount to me >.>
o yea i just remembered that the banquet girls lydia got herself 2 cute hamster xD
wow they sure are cute xD
but the way they play it i am kinda worrying about the hamsters lol
not for me top comment though.bless those ham hams~ >.<
sian booked my rt today too
starting from sept 5th i will be thurs and sun booked for training ..
sept 10th...sunday.....sigh..........
zzz dont wanna think so much
just return my kindness for the kindness i receive.
money is not the prob
sincerity is always the most important
i hope i can find those stuff i am looking for as a special gift...
wat is happening to everyone...original blog
28th July 2008
wat is happening to everyone...original blog
wat is happening to everyone..?
the whole cosplay kuraidori is not in a total mess.
the part about gossips has ended
but now it's another war starting off between others..
who is in control now?
ever since i left the tread everything have gone all haywired.
no one is comforting each other anymore
kuraidori is becoming a fish market ...full of fishmongers..
that's not the kuraidori i was building..
not the once happy family that i keep trying to introduce into singapore...
why is evetyone so obessess with their own likings?
so i heard i am a bad leader.
so i left for good hoping the leader whose better to stand up.
the one who was trying to lead led a all so different way..
wth is going on...
i am so sadden last nite when i woke up 3 in the morning and read all those posts
in blog pages and msn nicks..
black emo elmo running all over black sesame street...
is this the "LOL-er" outing ppl i use to know?
wat happen to the elements of LOLing?
i guess ppl is starting to forget about the happy lolings we have together.
it's easier to remember the sad moments then the happy ones.
that one reason why i kept promoting happy moments.
the only thinks everyone need is to be reminded of the happy moments.
man is born with a heart of selfishness
that's the basic instinct of mankind since baby...
i but i always wonder.
of all the 2 months without it
everyone lived a happy life
loling and laughing
but once it came .
all the troubles started rolling in..
am i just thinking too much?
or is my theory simply the fact...
i think i havea new name for it
a "step-up transformer" -.-
a lot of sanpai in kuraidori is feeling the pinch
outing that goes on under the table-.-
wth when did outing ever became a msn only thing -.-
update...HA! update my pigu -.-
in the end only can use wat ppl type and copy/paste to ur link.
pui !! lan sai lang -.-
gonna post this blog into kuraidori
hope these ppl will wake up their idea -.-
http://handinhand4all.blogspot.com/
29th July 2008
blogging before the day even reached..28th part 1 anger venting
as i was reading through so blog i feel kinda sad...
to think that the class is breaking up into pieces..
wat i have tried to put in since the day i joined kuraidori
till the charlet where it was suppose to be a 3 day of reunion for all
turned out to be the death of a meaning bonding..
with love jealousy to friend disputes
this is really driving me crazy..
it just seems to me that i made a right choice not to intervent with class anymore.
ever since a mofo started a hate trend
this feeling have been spreading around.
i wish u have just go away...
didnt exist and just go to your corner of the room and not come in.
ever since u pop in out of nowhere
everything in world start to turn dark and all dull
u are busy pointing out wat is bad over each outing
but have you point out things that are happy?
do u prefer to tell ppl how bad things are
rather then happy moments where everyone can long for the next outing?
you and your stupid mindset
i simply hate it
seriously if i am a freaking ah beng i would have really have your face
totally modified into a purplish playdoh -"-
the thing i hate most is to see ppl feel sad,angry,left out
and if u think pointing this out >>LOUD<< will help
then blood fish u are really F-ing wrong.
your retribution will come in forms of a bulk order ...
"wat goes around ,comes around
wat goes up ,must come down."
u cant escape life no matter how hard you try
there is no 100% luck
when u have 100% luck ,in near future it would be 100% downfall
that's the balance of life
better leave yourself some good karma kiddo
if not u wont live long enough to taste it.
feel so nice to be able to type anything i want without being constrained
now i know why some would prefer to go pvt...
especially feeling blogs.
when the ark reaches the tidal waves,
nothing lives....NOTHING....
tmd a happy family gana break up by u.
you really super white -"-
this aug 10th u better dont screw up my life again.
anyway i doubt i will be mixing around much.
wonder if i wanna jio ning to go there together
after all same westside ppl xD
first prize 7796...$4k sob...
27th July 2008
first prize 7796...$4k sob...
chiong for work today..
woke up late and was burning the CD .
so end up was almost late for work haha
wat's so lame about the start of the day?
i left my ezlink card,key card,nets card and ic at home...
only realized it when i reach bus stop.
was about to u turn to get them but when the uncle honked at me
i got shocked and quickly boarded the bus.
only to realise i stupidly went up the bus without thinking -.-
end up today no money to buy stuff.
with only 20+ dollar i find myself crazyily controling my usage.
taxi fare 12 so 8 dollar left lol.
today many have no mood to do work
same for me.
i am just engross with going to haru for my order of yukata
seriously the uni until now i still cant get cos havent order...
sigh...
wat was suppose to be a big outing with skit and stuff all went down to nothingness.
as i was reading nori's blog i notice they had an outing.
no one informed any of the rest.
i donno if i should really hate someone for ruining everything
or should i just blame myself for being a idiot.
as long as that arse is there
things just dont seems to work correctly.
i wonder if everyone was having fun
it seems to wat iread ,
everyone is feeling emo?
hmmm wonder why.
suddenly there is no lol-ing anymore...
miss that days where the fun really never ends
everyone is laughing and smiling
going home with a cramp jaw from over laughing.
it's all a thing of the past now...
wat damn it sia mother called if i brough 4D today
my number turn out not 3rd prize but first prize!!!
and it's all the number and not diff number!!
i buy 9677
it open 7796
wth T^T 4000 dollar!!! wah how come these few weeks i so lucky/sway T.T
after work went to haru to order my yukata with qi's accompany.
yea needed someone to help with wat to buy for cosmetic xD
cant believe i will be using cosmetic XD
but aug 10 is coming nearer.
i gotta prepare for the arrival
still need to find a day to meet boss.
get from him the punk suit
then most probably pay him when i get my pay...
but yea finally ordered my yukata ~~
happy ^^
can wear for summer fest xD.
but no one's buying any
so i just get for myself.
was hoping someone else to buy as well.
but i doubt that will happen anyway.
she has her stuff to buy as well.
so that some wish she had would most probably be covered away in the mist .
o well.anyway not that it affect me also.
better not to get too emotionally attached again.
i donno...somehow i feel that she seems a little emo today.
wonder why..
could my thoughts be truth?
cant be...wont be also...
i wish i can really tell wat is going on in ppl's mind.
from my feelings i am sensing something.
yet from my eyes,
everything seems to be deceiving...
i just dont wanna see another sad face again...
especially when a bakemono is around.
when time comes i hope to see smiles in everyone again
LOL-ing without feeling any sadness
well at least to the least minimum~~
kokoro aitai...anata no kokoro ga hoshii koto desu zo...
Tales of an angel (part 7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sun raised from the mountains beyond the river.
bright lights shone down towards the fallen angel.
wat the fallen could see was a smiling face from a human he once knew
a smile as tender as the dandalion fluff
a voice as sweet as the winter wine.
the days in the valley where vines of grapes grew.
with many blessings from above this valley slowly bloomed to be a popular vintage
but with popularity comes jealousy and dispair.
shortly after the popularity rised
the fallen was abandaned and banish away from the vintage
for the fear of taking away wat was theirs.
arrows and spears were threw towarded the winged being
and was heavily wounded...
till the days from now
the fallen angel never grew out of the fear of spears and arrows
from the day he was bringing in sunshine everyday
to the point of darkness covering the valley.
now the valley started to lost it's sweetness in the heavenly grapes
one after another the villagers left.
leaving only sad memories behind.
the valley slowly deteriorates
the once sweet grapes has slowly turn sour...
so does the human girl who took care of the vintage...
eyes of sadness could be seen in her eyes
as she hids it away from the world
the devil's advocate dances with joy
singing the song of praise to the darkness...
frantic day at work
26th July 2008 "the 13 roses of truth.."
frantic day at work
has really been a very tired day
the whole morning i was busy co-ordinating everyone for the seats...
with this comp not being able to log on to the system and
the other comp not being able having excel...
sigh...
end up i was running here and there to plan everyone's work T^T
if only it was the training room i would have access to everyone
feel so paiseh keep bothering the staff there >.<"
today finally sts work is done
with oly the fs work ,
i find myself facing the jobless difficulty...
not really jobless,
i am kinda approached by another person to work as reservation data entry job
but i donno
i find that guy a little scary..
not that his fierce,
just that he really creeply gayish >.< but i dont feel right to say that out =\ so i guess i will just keep quiet lol.
as i was running all over looking at blogs
only a few ppl who i often visit anyway lol
i am seeing that some are feeling sad over the cosplaying issue...
sigh...
to think something which was suppose to be fun can end up causing loads of trouble...
is it cosplaying that is the source of worries?
or is it the ppl whose in it that's making things bad?
i donno...
my dream was to make singapore or
at least more ppl to know more on J culture and cosplaying.
but it seems that the "singapore attitude"
kicks in to make things all upside down..
i wonder if i should try to gather ppl to gather together secretly
those that really have the love of cosplaying
and not there to make trouble or
doing trying to psycho ppl and be king of it.
left a comment on the blog hoping that it would cheer someone up a little
i could put my name in a sense as there's too many unwanted attention there
so instead of putting a fake name i used one of my name there
but it's not about my name
i just want the msg to be seen
no one deserve to be sad
the world is already dull enough.
if another candle of smile is lost ,
wont the world be a little more darker...?
a dream i wish i never woke up...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this morning i just notice i woke up to a dream that i find strange yet
somehow i wish i can dream a little longer...
haha the setting is my house and my neighbour's house
the strange thing is it turn out that my house became a "chalet"
there in my dream i saw mint and nori beside me in the living room
the 3 of us seems to be playing some kind of board game
the other "chalet" (neighbour house) came by ryan and another guy to which i forgot who he is lol
(so much for not writing down my dream...)
i kinda forgot wat happened earlier.
but yea that's was my dream...
i wonder why i suddenly have these dreams -.-"
lol the power of L doll ?
i last remember i fell asleep after i displayed that L pushsie nori gave me that day
yea it never left the side of my bed.
watever is said by the mouth does not connect to wat the heart has to say...
wat a failure for someone who cant let go of stuff...
baka...baka...baka...!!*sob*
>.< fountation,cleanser..oil-free moisturiser,concealer x.X
25th July 2008
>.< fountation,cleanser..oil-free moisturiser,concealer x.X
lol today off owrk the most earliest T^T
4.30pm force to go off
due to server downtime for 1 hr
haha i still remember the sms Jenny send me
"sorry Alex pls shut down all com by 3.50 thanks"
"ok so we shut down completely?and when will it be back up?"
"it will be 1hr.is it ok with u all? "
"ya no prob"
(i was so happy 1 hr free money but... later....)
*ring ring~~*
"hi alex it's me jenny
i think hor 1hr leh
u all sure you wanna stay?
i mean it might take slightly longer so might as well go home."
"err ok so i will tell the rest to go home then."
"ok thanks alex"
sob sob...
no free money XD
sian sia i tot can do lesser work for freebie cash T^T
so much for that LOL!
o well can early go home rest
sat and sun still have to chiong work=\
hmm i have always wonder am i into cosplay or J rock
then suddenly as i was looking around for things needed for makeup
i found out that the things i like are more towards J rock style lol
many a times i have failed to make the style i wanted
cos there is no one to help me
i wonder this time would i be able to find help in that x.X
need to find boss for help with hair liao.
then as for the make up stuff...
need to find someone to go jalan jalan with me.too paiseh for me to buy alone lmao XD
i got a feeling i might spend 50+ over dollar just for cosmetic T^T
haiz...
o well
k time to go bath and start playing florensia
damn dragonica i cant play zzz
cos they never send me invitation T^T
o well =\
tales of an angel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
night has came by ..
the stars danced joyfully to the rythme of the moon
as it shines down towards the dark sky
down below the fallen angel gazed up with a dreamy eye
how time have flew by...
since the day he fell to the day he he stands up
and walked in this strange serenity haven below the sky
the river reflected the stars so clearly that it look almost like the sky
the fallen angel rested softly on the grass
wind blew by softly
with hints of wat he have feel in the past
the soft laughter on a familiar face he once knew
yet it seems vivid these days
the mirage seems so far away yet
everytime he think about them
he feels slightly closer to the warmth
slowly the fallen angel fell asleep with dreams he have always longed...
hmmm wat happen to my ability to speak?
24th July 2008
hmmm wat happen to my ability to speak?
a day of work is a day of tireness
yea today qi and her friends came by in the morning to work
poor banquet guys =x
had to move over to the training room
end up they got owned for misbehaving in a way.
i mean i maybe over slack
but at least if u are not in the room do your work.
there are others who are watching =\
o well for me as long the work is done i am ok with anything
being a leader?
nah i dont really look at myself as a leader.
donno why everyone kept thinking i am a leader.
i have always told anyone i know
"i will not teach u anything
cos i am not your teacher or leader.
but i will walk with you
learning together as we do anything"
well it's cos of this ppl end up thinking i am a leader
haha this is not call leadership cos i am the kind that put emotions before work
and it would be bias when that happens.
and more over these days i am starting to have problem speaking properly...
it's a psycological problem which i used to face...
when i start distant myself from ppl
i would stop trying to talk
and guadually,i wont be able to speak fluently...
i guess i gotta give myself faith in ppl again in order to speak properly again...
as expected.things are running pass me with me noticing anything
if not for some friend i trust i wont be knowing nuts.
but i dont really give much damn about it anymore
after so much have happen
i dont feel that there is a bonding between everyone in a way.
everyone is being very protective over themselves now.
well i dont say i am not
"once biten,twice shy."
anyway it's better to keep myself away for a while
change my image for now.
and if the evil is perched from the holy cross
i would be back again.
for now i gotta get out of the earl suit -.-
some tease me over this
and there are others who criticises with a bad mindset..
yea it has always bother ppl who are fat xD
but i wont be lost my goal.
i just need to kept away from the negative comments that's all.
weee today is thurday..
lol i have repeated this for the 12th time
why?
today is too gay lmao
nonono today is the opening of alpha test of dragonica xD
after this blog i am off to play game~~
Damn..nice~~ XD
k so much for today's KPKB XD
see myself tml xD
break...breaking...broke!! T^T
23rd July 2008
break...breaking...broke!! T^T
another boring daring at work haha.
i wonder why these days i kept waking up late -.-
hmmm wait it's not about me waking up late.
it about me going back to sleep again...
and i kept missing the wake up time >.< wat made it worst was the fact that i didnt bring my ezlink card out today...
almost feel like not going for work.
thank god ryan was pushing me to go xD if not i would just make a excuse not to ... kinda stupid that even if u have a card u cant use it to buy a ezlink card more over the mschines dont accept coins anymore. all i have is a freaking 2 dollar and loads of coins...
and guess wat.2.5o is the fare card and they only accept 2 and 5 dollar notes haha...
lucky for me there is a atm nearby...
while at work i cant help suddenly spacing out into my own world again. this very evil thought came into my mind as i think about some things in the past it's like should i torture the one who is costing me so much troubles? all sort of thoughts came in from trying to fake things here and there. but then again i went back to reality would i have the heart to do it? haiz...
i really hate the soft side of me. why must i care so much about how other feel and stuff...
i should really learn to be more evil ...
qi called by asking if anyone wanna meet out for dinner.
i am kinda broke for this month so yea no more outing for now till my next payroll T^T lol ryan even ask if wanna go for a dinner after dinner.
i do crave for a good shot of alcohalic drinks.
but yea no thanks till payroll's out x.X sorry ryan =\ and as i got bored i went over to one manga to read on manga again.
yea a lolicon manga called kodomo no jikan.
but seriously if it wasnt draw to have pure kiddy chars,
this manga would have been a typical lovey lovey manga
i quoted a very interesting love quote from it.
"If you want somebody to love you... You start by being kind to that person..." 
i mean i have to agree,
love dont just blossom love at first side or stuff,
but it comes after times and times of trials with other X-factors
and i found out that it's not easy to let go ofa feeling when u hold it
for a very long time...
i tested myself with my own taste of test.
yea yea yea it comes after wat happens after work...
as i was planning and think about wat accessories i should get if i am going for
ice sensei's gothic party in haru 2
i suddenly remembered that
i dont have some ear accessories to go with my rings and metal stuffs
although i might look like a traditional type of person
but i often hid the little streetkid away from others.
well if it was back in the years before my work and ns i would have been sad
cant afford on stuff i wanna get.
i have always been a heavy metal accessory type of guy.
money is a big prob for me when it come to accessorizing myself.
now that i can afford and found sources of where i can get wat i wanted
this is my chance to be out of the normal me.
yea earrings.i dont really wanna pierce myself
so i am always on a look out for clip-ons
but it seems like these days not many ppl sell them
but i did manage to find tight clip on type of earring.
might need to get another 2 more maybe tml or later days when i am free?
anyway i went over to far east for a walk,
hoping to find wat i am looking for
sadly it was not wat i expect of that place =\
i did manage to get 1 ear clip to test but i think it's quite ok
so i am getting 2 more
wonder if i should put foundations on that day -.-"
cant believe i am doing these stuff lol
hair... i wish mine was as long as eric of the alchemist.
victorian ponytail which is blond white.
but not now not this year.have to clear the ns ICT first .
maybe i will start the planning of hair next year.
anyway wat amused me was the way i walked around the shopping center...
of all the places i walked 2 rounds nearby haru >.>
yea yea i know...
i understand that somehow i am following my inner self with the route
lol just in case whenever i think about coming back to my old blogging days again
i am gonna give a few details lmao
whenever i walked nearby haru,
i could somehow feel a impulse sending up my nerve
but of cos i didnt go far east just to follow that impulse.
but to get my accessory of cos.
but i guess i wanted to test how i would react,
so i took up my guts and went over
yea eve was there.
haha it was kinda funny how i started a somehow queer way of a pickup line
"Heya how's everything here~?"
lol it almost made me sound as if i am the shop owner -.-
but i didnt stay long.
i am not sure if she was walking out from inside hoping to chat as well.
but yea i kinda just signal to her about yukata stuff before quickly brushing off a good bye when she made her wayt out...
but why am i still feeling the pumping of my heart?
didnt i told her i will treat her like a sister?
...
wat a contradiction i am in.
i cant control these feelings yet i know there is a driving force that
wont let me stop.
i must have put in too much of my feeling into this..
i think other then my mother ,and my ex,she would be the only gal
that have heard my tears and sobbing...
wat a useless person i can be at times...
i just dont wanna give myself false hope again...
and end up losing a friend...
sigh...
o well
gotta put out a list of wat i need soon
got my 5/5 rings
got 1/3 earring
got 0/1 black strip necklace
got 1/1 metal wrist chain
got 0/1 set of punk (geez...)
got 0/1 long boots (sian ex sia)
got 0/1 red/black/blue cat eye contacts
got 0/1 cream white long hair (next year's matsuri? pending cream white dye)
got 0/1 foundation powder
(wonder wat would my mother say if i ask her to borrow me lol better buy myself -.-)
got 0/1 black eye liner (can borrow from mother =3)
got 0/1 punk wrist band (wonder if i wanna buy one since i am going metallic =\ )
zzz time to save money T^T
The tales of an angel part 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems as the river has a neverending route towards the forest.
the fallen angel walks with the song softly echoing around
as strangely as it seems
the song does not seems to only have the voice of his own.
a mix of a familiar yet surprisingly sad song
it sangs a story of hidden feelings
with a tint of confusion and a heartful of sadness
a longing for someone whom might carry the sun into the sky
the fallen angel sat by a tree near the river bank
as he hymn to the sad tune of a sing he often sang
he finally notice how familiar the voice was..
it was the voice of the little angel whom helped him
why would she be near the river?
it's a haven to be in
but arent the heaven a better place to be
a place he longed every single moment..
with this the fallen angel retraced his foot step
hoping to find the source of the song
and hope that he could do the little angel a favour
in retrun for her kindness in the past.
not knowingly,nearby this voice lurks the devil advocate as well
a song unknowingly being corrupted with more sadness and dispair
a pain of which have caused the little heart of the angel to sway
and reject wat she truly longs for..
and while the little angel troubles away with the thoughts
the fallen angel a striken momeries of a little memory
one of which he had tried to forget..
and one of which his main source of inspiration for his song...
being made used
22nd July 2008
being made used
today i just changed my link to prevent some unwelcomed visitors
kinda funny that ppl are being make used yet they didnt know about it
was reading back in the forum and i almost fell off the chair when someoine tot i had spied their blog =x
gotta love this
i think i must have made him feel so despo till he almost wanna kill himself xD
well after all wat he says can only be refer to me or another friend of mine.
but i think he dont know about it yet.
better to keepo that secret off the track lol
somehow i feel much as peace changing my link knowing ppl read my blog to make wonderful stories with it xD
why am i not mad or sad anymore?
well firstly i am already tired of the clown act.
anyway there is differents noticing and liking someone =x
and since i dont wanna i was confuse over wat i am feeling.
so i would blog down my thought as i would forget stuff easily
and in real life do indepth thinking.
without thinking and going through thoughts ,
one would be brain dead
and start doing strange stuff to hurt others.
anyway i am more of a analysis then a action taker.
my road leads me through a thicket of thorned bush.
but the bloods are not shed without a price.
i learn from those pain.
that's call life experience.
everything is about trial and error.
without falling one wont know wat is called standing up.
and seriously.am i spying or am i being spied wahaha xD
i cant stop laughing when i read those comments
i doubt i would bother to go into forum with that guy roaming there typing nonsense
just love it when fox tails appears when things get out of hand =)
anyway i would still continue my angel story.
after all it has been sometimes since i update my story blog.
gotta put in some nice stuff for myself to read.
but for today i will rest a day XD
wanna play my psp and dl florensia XD
and to my friend mochibaby :
there are times when one have to be strict over others
it's not your fault for being wat u feel
and dont feel remorse over wat he think is wrong
just remember to protect yourself at all times
if one can do distaughtful stuff to others
there will always stay the same
"a leoperd can never change it's spot"
forgive but don't forget
that's wat my teacher have taught me.
it's just that i failed to learn it well =\
u have been a kind soul to all my friends
and God believes in you =)
i will start my forget and not forget lesson too
it's the only wat to be careful of the ppl around u
food craze~~
21st July 2008
food craze~~
haha today finally there is a lot of helpers for the opera project =3
with 5 banquet in the morning
and qi and her 2 friends coming by to help as well
too bad the room was too small so they had to go over to the training room with izwan
which was surprisingly empty o.O
no training today lol.
yea so as communication was hard i had to communicate with the others using the lao ya pok gai msn XD again! lmao
3rd time using it le XD
it was fun thought lol but i just wish the net send was working zzz
so msg can pass on faster -.-
o well as long as work is done i am happy with it xD.
as in the room i happen to talk to doreen about blogging
yea being the only 2 chinese lol we went about chatting nonsense
cos too bored lol
wat type of blogger are u.
a daily life blogger,special event blogger or the feeling blogger haha
yea it's a crazy blog zone chat.
but wat interest me is the something she said.
"last time i used to blog about feelings due to a bad turnout of something
and when i blogged , ppl start giving comments all over.i mean it's my blog ,why should others intervent so much."
yea i guess i do agree with bunch of ding-a-ling readers who goes about dangling of ppl's posts.
haha well my friend,be truthful,hidding stuff in your heart is a chore in life.
it hinders your movement,and daily life blogging is just somehow common =x
just remember who ever they are.viewers are just viewers.even if they make a story out of your blog.
in the end your blog is your diary.
may it be pvt or public.
(ps : i am just lazy to pvt it since i have some real friends whom gives me good advices)
as long as u are not using it as a weapon to point on others.
it would always be a good space to house your feelings ^^
yea after work went off to bugis with qi
and yea lol food...FOOD~~
it seems like there was a asian food fest.
i totally got owned by it
buying food home for my family.
lol so much for trying to save money T^T
when it comes to food and delicacy there is no such thing as save =)
ryori banzai~~!
Heavens call for thoughts and twinkle stars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
after so much things have happen i guess numb of everything.
wat's fear? wat's love? wat's betrayal?
to me now fear is when someone close to me get hurt
wat is love?love is a house of fatuation.
a room of unknown riddles and untold truth
and being able to see that that special someone smiles and be happy
and not just hoping for them to be with u.
wat is betrayal?
it's when someone who have the intention of hurting someone else.
for the sake of their own greed.
without being consideration over others feelings
everything is part of Gods way of testing everyone
"to see u become stronger u must go through the 10 trials in my court
only then will u pass my test and be with me.."
i believe that that's my trial i will embrace it gracefully.
to spread my blessing upon those who need it.
some would say that i am a fool,
others would point out that i am no siant.
but who can they judge with their eyes?
who would have the truth other then "self"?
there is no need for explaination
1 dont need explaination anymore.
time will express the world and show itself~
"wat goes around ,comes around,wat goes up must come down."
i am just glad that the world is not flat~
so we wont fall off when we try to walk to the end~
tales of an angel part 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the fallen angel woke up with a dream in his hand
it was a surprise from God of whom he have never met
a holy grace of light from the warmth of the heaven itself
baring a message :
"U are not alone child,though u have lost your wings.
but i would still embrace u with my love..
your blessing have been heard
and if the blessing comes true,
u would be rewarded with a treasure that that world don't possess"
with that,the light faded away.
not far off,the avocate of the devil roams near.
with ears as sharp as the wind and a heart darker then dusk
"thee shall not receive the light of grace for thou shall crumble thy's soul before u do..."
with an unknown sight of the calamity the fallen angel continued his journey along the river.
"ハハの混乱は終了しました
それはほんの友情のタイプの愛を
だから私の希望を祝福
との両方のあなたが、恋愛
私に聞いてくれてありがとう
日中、私のトラブル
希望のことをあきらめる
試してみてください!!
お互いの両方のあなたにはあなたの心に^ ^"
sunday blues XD
20th July 2008
sunday blues XD
a boring sunday for me =\
i guess for the past few weeks i was so tied up with events and outing till now suddenly nothing to do i become restless in a way.
haha it's kinda funny when u have so much to do
and so much to look forward to
then now suddenly u dont look forward to anything
life became a half empty glass for now =\
so yea today i made a acception of sleeping all the way till 11am.
cant seems to sleep last nite anyay.
stayed awake till 4am in the morning.
i guess this month of july is a month of restless nites and moody feelings.
i recalled dreaming about everyone last nite.
peiqi,ligen,nori,mint,sai and some others
i kinda forget the details as i was woke up by my mother in the morning.
i wonder why do i have all these weird dream these days.
some say your dreams are link to watever u are always thinking about during the time u are awake.but wat could i have kept thinking about that can lead me to dreaming over them?
in the nite i just log on to dl some psp games and went online holic to chat with some of my friends there.
had a long chat with lance
haha kinda got jealous over lance and mel of their lovey lovey =x
haha not the bad kind of jealousy ,just fun type and think of how stupid i was.
haha well that's just how the world goes.
sadness>>joy>>pain>>happiness
there is never a imbalance in life
only a imbalance in the person whose walking the life...
tales of the Angels part 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as the fallen angel walks by the river from his sleepless night.
he thoughts of his nights by the river.
the dreams he made of the goddesses and lords,the cupids and angels above
he wondered to himself why does those momeries of the past followed him down?
an angel whom has fallen out of the sky.
banish from the skies for the black wings that he have.
having to think of how his white wings has turned black from a witches' curse
the fallen angel bares no pain but sorrows has he dragged himself slowly by the river.
fishes of different colours jumped up with joy upon seeing company of someone else,
birds sings a song of many tune that man cant comprehend,
yet everything all grew in harmony as the wilderness set off a orchestra.
strangly as it seems..
even though he was far away from the heaven
hymns of sorrow and words of tears came by with the wind
a silent cried from the heart
so soft and timid yet enough to wake the world
this sound reached the heart of the fallen angel.
angels have no need of hearing
the heart of the angels are link soul to soul upon each other
even the faintest feelings from a faraway angel could resonate upon any angels
The little angel's voice was resonating within like a bell from a church
wat has come upon the promise and wish ?
wasnt the relic speaking the truth?
or must one follow the true "truth" that any would.
every angel,even the arch angels are able to feel the sounds of every angels
and the fallen angel is glad that the link is there.
yet he feels unease that his heart was linked as well
watever he feels,it is also resonating in the others.
and he fear that part of him
and choose to smile and hid that side of him away from the other angels above
yet somehow the little angel have found out...
he can only hid himself as long as he can
wishing only wat's best for the little angel.
and carry a smile for her to move on...
"心臓の声を強く共振心臓のように従ってください
と混同していても"
a secret scroll...
19th July 2008
a secret scroll...
today was a wholesome full team of casual labours.qi and her 2 friends,yuezhi and his god sis,guokun and his gf,ryan,joseph and the banquet gal iwhich i kept thinking i met before doreen.was pretty godly.qi and her friends had to go off at 12 plus meeting the rest of the club guys to go for haru haha so i am left with my bunch of friends.
the morning was quite quiet for me
not in terms that i am quiet but in my joker's mood.
i cant seems to sustain a conversation long enough to anyone.
lol and my jokes fall short as well.
haha well i gana the mushroom conduse spore mah.
so i am dazzied by my own thought.
donno where i am heading and stuff.
o well at least now i have a clearer view over things liao.
so i am kinda sad yet glad.
anyway Alex's Opera Team owns today!!
2200+ contacts~~ haha but were are dead bored
so yea i started the stupid lao ya pok gai msn notepad with the rest of the guys.
haha it went off all over the place from
"eh dont lame lah "
to
"LOL stop multipling note pad!!"
to
"hardo gay fooo~~" lmao
haha yuezhi me and joseph also siao till we go buy alcoholic chocolate and spam in the office xD
it was a fun day to be with ppl i know =)
nite time went to the movies with my family watch "dark knight"
wow 2hr 20min sia.
the show's full od suspense,joker can vs saw liao x.X
damn good sia.but i wonder if batman got a bad sore throat xD
his voice cmi xD.overall this show 4 1/2 star =3
-1/2 star cos damn a lot of ppl.keep making noise and hitting me zzz.
The story continues with the fallen angel...
"as the fallen angel walks slowly along the shore awaiting the angel that saved him to arrive.
he came upon a scroll of the ancient relic.
a prophecy of the past.
a story of the hidden bond of the arch angel and the angel.
in the eyes of the heaven.
words are untold but the songs tells a story of their own.
a dream is slowly unfolding itself.
with that the fallen angel finally settles its heart upon a unassured image.
a mirage that was mean to be there from the heat of the war.
with that the fallen angel rested at ease ,
with a peace at heart,and an apple of blessing.
he rests peacefully by the river,
slowly healing it's wound by himself
endowsing himself in the serenity of the earth
hoping to live peacefully till the day his wings heals again
and the day he can return to the heaven he once knew..."
"あなたを好きにする必要はありませんが永遠に
幸せになるに
私は心を満足している
これは、愛... "
peeking from a corner...
18th July 2008 "はは...私の天使を探しですか"
peeking from a corner...
today went out with the club again for dinner.
hanging around starbucks while waiting for the others.
kinda make a rackus over there XD
yea seems like ace had come out with a new trend
"where's my "fork" and spoon " joke.
it's kinda make me feel a sense of warmth again
seeing everyone laughing and joking again
haha well i have to admit i am enjoying everything
and laughing with everyone.
but there was something else that bothers me that day.
haha well i cant really tell wat this funny feeling is.
kinda like a little hand had grabbed my heart once in a while.
i wonder why do i still feel that feeling when
i throw that part of me away not too long ago.
did i really threw that part of me away?
or was it simply that the part never exist at all?
it could be hidden in another small room.
haha well all i know now is the clock is still ticking away.
things move on randomly.
i am enjoying this randomness.
something that i have experience when my soul is touched by an angel.
i have lost my wings and fallen out of the heaven.
still feeling all weak and fragile.
but there is always a melody and hymn surrounding all over.
a song of bitter sweet feelings
even angels have woes of their own.
can i still gather my soul and once again open my graceful wings again and fly towards the heaven again?
that is something i fear and yet i feel like trying.
an arch angel do look upon this little angel,
sharing and caring as often as the sun would rise.
sadly the fallen angel can only walk the lonely path
and quietly move on .
hoping that the angel would not be affected.
it's a painful stake in the heart .
but the fallen angel would rather not expose himself too much.
if the angel do feels the same thought,
eventually both wings reach for the clouds again
if the angel and the arch angel are as one.
the fallen angel would give it's blessing and just slowly heals his wings and wish for the day he would feel the clouds touch his face again...
17th July 2008
anata no koe,boku ga kiko eru...
these few days i was so busy trying to finish my commitment to the summery for outing that i dont go around reading blogs.
after today.i went over to qi's blog and it made me wonder about the life as a crabster...
today is qi bday.
it is suppose to be a happy day for any bday guy/gal
but when i heard a voice that i have never heard before.
a voice of someone that is sad.
it somehow made me wonder about a lot of stuff.
this year's july = bad month for bday?
dont want to go into details.
just feel that bad july...that's all...
"daijoubu desuka ?"
for a gal whose face always facing the sunshine
has a long shadow behind her as well.
i always sees a reflection of myself whenever i see her.
to smile to the world and make the world smile as well.
but deep inside,we always seek company from the constant loneliness within us.
anyway i am glad that our "band" is always there to support each other.
A.L.P.S, L.A.P.S or S.L.A.P ? which one nicer for a band name XD
ligen and sai shared on a gift for qi.
for me since i shared a gift with nori so i insist on buying her a cake.
wanted to make it a surprise entrance to shokudo.
end up got owned by the cashier "no outside food" >.<"
so much for making a big impact haha...
was really funny how the world works in a way where u wont be able to do wat u planned to do...
o well...i am always full of crazy ideas but these ideas are for making the world smile and laugh.
LOL is good,it washes away all sadness and brings joy into everyone.
even a brief moment,it is still good.
we went over to suntec for a crazy arcade ligen and qi played DDR .i later solo 2 games of DDR as well.has been quite a while since i played DDR,have always pop into Pump it up these days.haha after that we went to the basement for a final cake fiesta.lol i feel like a baby when the 3 of us got feeded by qi.
lmao the way she cut it also funny cut turn cut turn unti the circular cake became a holy cross x.X"
had so much fun together.took a lot of vids as well but i doubt tonite i can make the full vid.com not enough space -.-"
haha i have another intuition over something...
i think it's not for me to think about anyway.
so yea...
for now i wanna hide in my shell
until i am brave enough to look at the world again...
My little heaven in the sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
emotions are a tidal wave upon cancerian.
we hide our sadness from others.
not wanting others to see it.
and also to protect ourselves.
anyway for my look and my body,
i am just a chubby fat ass to others...
o well.afterall it's human nature to look at appearance anyway.
who can look at the heart of a person?
not much so yea,
of cos ppl will avoid me
used to it le...
"sadness sadness go away
bring a smile into the lonly heart
and shine your warmth to our shelter.
let us once again taste the fruits of life again..."
sometime i wish i am a anime character.
which anime char i wanna be now?
hmmm how about Allen walker for now?
why u ask...
well after reading the manga i feel that the char "allen"
seems to have a goal which i am persuding.
since the story is not about love and stuff
so yea i dont mean mushy stuff.
"live not just for the sake to fight
but for the sake to protect those he loves"
dont think many ppl will think abou that...
anyway i find the jesdavi combine form is freaking cool.
but if one were to cosplay it.
the damn wig will cost a bomb...
lol i like chars with very long hair but i mean 200+ for the wig is pretty painful...
geez..
私はひそかにと恋に落ちたん...
私がそう感じることはできません
あなたのような他の人の原因
しかし、すべての人の幸せな限り
それはすべて私の世話を
怖がらせるの恋に落ちる
私はすべてを失うしたくない再び...
Living in a world alike Allen Walker's
16th July 2008
Living in a world alike Allen Walker's
as i was reading the manga of D grayman
there were many quotes that i saw from the manga i feel as if it was part of me
many would prefer anime,(personally me too but i have no time for that T^T)
but sometimes the manga sure have more stuff that even the anime could have miss out
quotes and stuff that the illustrator have inserted.
after reading a wholesome 30 chapters today
from the point Allen met tiki to the point where leenalee's encounter with lv 3 akuma
there were many quotes i personally love.
maybe i can put a few here to remember them in near future...
"If you lost sight of your path...
listen to the destination of your heart.."
"This boy looks forward
His purity is his strenght"
"I believe in this world..
no matter wat happens.."
there are nicer ones ,just a little lazy to find x.X
wish it is weekend soon.
so tired these days from everything =\
really need to rest my body.
aching all over...
"as we rowdily make noises in the open,
there was a quiet voice that wishes to whisper to u
pls keep it down and understand the language of the heart and soul.
my mouth is for everyone
but part of my heart and soul is already yours..
so keep smiling not just for me but for everyone else..."
"Don't cry i will be there for you...always.."
15th July 2008 "Qi one day...1 fine day ...I will Own u back!! T^T"
basket...u ball-ed me >.<
lol today is really quite a boring day.
everyday key date till i wanna tiao dan liao(call for spirit)
but well for the sake of money i gotta do it.
haha then came peiqi and co.lol the whole lunch was nothing but laughter xD
tio owned by watermelon seed xD
i guess it's hard for us to talk seeing it other till we need to look away from each other just to talk without laughing xD
but the most lame thing we did was the lao ya pok gai msn using note pad XD
we were so bared till we chat using notepad cos we are in diff room xD.
yea after work as we were walking along bugis suddenly qi got the arcade mode xD
so went over to play some games.
lol that ball throwing game was pretty lame XD
throw and throw to win xD.but we never try the perverted man stage xD
xD too much le XD that stage overkill xD
but we did see others play it xD LOL lor XD
haiz then come basket ball challenge T^T
i tot maybe this time will be better
end up... gana own by qi 50% point!!
T^T x 200
if not for the link game i think i lost le
105 i gg liao XD
so this is my failure pic below T^T
i will win U!!
someday....SOMEDAY!!(lol wonder when LMAO)
Left is qi's score right is mine sob...
Diamonds are once an ugly charcoal
15th July 2008
Diamonds are once an ugly charcoal
i have heard before that diamonds are once charcoals compresses over thousands of years within the earth.with pressure and subline changes,it changes the dark matter to a clear solidified stone that everyone loves.
life is just like the diamond,everything happens for a reason and a cause.may it be selfishness,self condamnation or a devil trying to spread the pentagon towards the world.one always have the heart;the solo reason to life or to die.when one chose to forsake that part of life and chose the path of the demon.the world it walks crumbles with it.
it's interesting to see when one were to try too hard just to show how great they were but in the end the wise will always blind themselves with arrogance,in the end.abandon wat they care for,and the purpose in life.
live to care ,care to share,share to those who cherish life.
i see no purpose not to care for others
though to many out there,
not many understands wat it is like to be loved and cared for
but that wont stop the others who have the heart to care for others to stop
the only time is when the trouble leaves and there is no conflict in the world anymore
"a fallen angel though wings abinded
has half the heart of God and half the heart of a Demon.
it only takes a moment of pain and a brief second of warmth.
to light the path it chooses to walk.
holding hands with the angel of light,
the fallen angel walks again
with the sword of justice and the crystal heart of love
cutting through the vines of the demons
and spread the love that the angel of light have given."
The little heaven in life story~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
geez so sian today
withthe non stop work load (lol more like slacking but feel a little guilty >.<) just eyes tired today. damn saw a new person coming to help from banquet LOL look like a old friend of mine . so i just keep looking over at her lol i think kinda scared her a little xD cos being with guys too long i kinda donno how to treat a lady in a way le =\ i think need to start learning my etiquette towards a lady again XD anyway everything was ok once we got to know each other haha. kinda started talking and joking liao. xD i do notice i have a scary first impression o.O still remember that time try to make funny faces to a baby and he cried LOL! i was like err ok need to practice my first impression thingy xD haha well humans is like that de bah =x
judging ppl by wat they are outside
and not looking deep enough.
that's why those with the ability of sweet talking can own~
lol it's a good ability but i am still quite stuck up person
so i will follow my principle.
anyway i find being truthful can be dangerous but in the end truth prevails a lie
only those who listen to the truth would be a true friend~!
so no regards wee~~
i wont forget the day i make this quote
"3 tears ends even the lovliest heart"
cos it's the bomb ^^
and it kills the demon =P
Secrets of my heart
14th July 2008
Secrets of my heart
again i lost my slp tonight...
or should i say morning.
was reading some blogs and again was kinda painstriken
to see that there were stuff that was pretty harsh in a way.
only a few ppl know of the things i have done for the sake of this chalet.
the crazy morning wakening just to check for booking wise.
and other stuff.
i dont wish to say out wat i have done.
cos there is no point saying out.
as long as those who know and those that i have shared with know can liao.
i just want this thing to draft away .
suddenly everything i have learn back in the past came back to me again.
the days when i council others of their problem.
i am facing right by me now.
10 ton of weight hitting me.
every little thing adds up to a bigger misunderstanding.
and when that flower blooms.
the seeds of misunderstanding spread through out the wind all over the land.
i feel like a small plant within the big forest
trying to get the little light that is coming through the canapy.
if it wasnt for those that were standing by me encouraging me.
i think i would have already wilted.
i have painted a picture in my mind.
i will put it in a story then
"in a dense forest
a plant grew from a seedling fallen from a tree far far away.
it grew out of nutrient that other animals had left.
as it slowly became a seedling taking root.
it struggles among the elder trees
hoping for a little glimspe of the sunlight.
finally when the it found the little light sipping through the dense canapy
a cloud came by and dimmed the sunlight.
dark days came by one day after another.
the plant grew weak and yellowish
barely grasping on to it's dear life
half wilted leaves flopping down to the stem.
but along came some planters.
seeing the poor wilting plant.
they gave it fertilizers and water.
slowly this plant grew a little stronger
and became a bloosomed rose in the garden of a royal palace.
the forest still lives on
but the cloud is always looming above them
taking away the sunlight.
as for the little plant
it gave the palace fragrance and laughter
cos it believes that giving those smiles
to the planters is just a small repayment to their kindness
and nothing else is needed then just a thank you from the heart..."
i thank the planters for wat they have done for the plant
i also thank the forest for giving the plant more knowledge of facing difficult times
again i thank the elder tree for giving me life.
but i can only wish for the wind to blow the cloud away
and let the sun once again shine on the forest...
and hope that u will rain and become a rainbow instead of a cloud anymore.
now to hope that i can sleep...
13th July 2008
hell boy vs hellish boy
gonna make a fast blog tonight cos tired and have to work tml
went to watch hellboy with my mother today.
haha finally found out found why the rest were laughing at the "we will walk together" joke XD
it has really been quite a while since i last went out with my mother
was so busy with my life and my cosplay club till i kinda have no time for my family...
yesterday's visit to the old folk home made me feel that i need to be more closer to my mother
we dont know when and wat will happen every minute.
i see her getting shrouded by sick and stuff
that is enough to make me fell that as a son
i need to do more then just care and concern for her.
afterall i am the only son.
i have seen so many others who neglected their family
i am not gonna let that happen.
family bonding is wat i treasure and wat i look for upmost importance.
i dont care wat others think as long as i live
i will care for those i love and treasure the most in my life.
may it be a person , an animal or even an object that has lots of meaning in it.
i have always think of this which is true
"Death is not seen by those who speak the most,
but those that are silently trying to see death.."
which is quite true.
many a times i do fear the most are those that kept to themselves and not share with others.
deep inside these ppl
are always full of questions which they kept trying to answer yet,they dont wish for others to know.
in the end they chose death as a way to relieve themselves.
how i know?
i know of someone who does that,
actually a few...
learning to conquer those emotions takes a long time to really heal.
and thank God that friends are there to help as well as family members...
if not the world would be a kind soul lesser...
so i wish those who are having trouble or so at least have someone to talk to...
as longas the heart is truthful.
the world will no forseek any souls at all.
God is always balancing everyone's life.u will never have more sadness or happiness.
it's always balance...
"My 6 wings represents 6 things i would protect
my family,my love,my friends,my acquaintance,my dreams and lastly myself.."
があったの他の怒りを入力し、私は考え
私だけに皆さんに喜ん
と、私のような1つあまりにも幸せになる
しかし、それにして他の方法策
知っだけで何が起こっています。
私はただそう言って申し訳ありません
隠し事をすると
だけを保護する
私は救い主でない
私にできるせめてもできること保護するの微笑
私は幸せに十分な...
10 promises to my dogs..
12th July 2008
10 promises to my dogs..
today i have invites friends over to work as data entry for the weekend
was kinda fun to have everyone gathering together with each other
working and having fun together.
especially with qi.
didnt know we can crap so much during work.
i think most of the time our voice has made the room pretty noisy in a way.
but well it beats staying in a room with no one to talk to.
after lunch i went off with her together with lingen (ligen >=]) and sai over to the old folks home.
we were kinda shock we all weared the same top coloured shirts black XD
qi went of starting a "band" named "BOB" ligen as guiterist,sai as Bassist qi as vocalist and me as a drummer.was really kinda funny and coincidental XD.
was pretty excited about seeing how far i can go to reach myself to anyone in need.although it was just giving our ice cream to the folk i can see they are always having a welcoming look when they see someone there.
but to me it kinda saddens me to see the sad looks within their eyes as i look into their soul...
the wanting of company and lonliness that i felt as well
while everyone was enjoying thr ice cream i just stayed in a corner looking at the plants and trees nearby.as the wind softly blowing on them.
suddenly my heart just feels heavy..
after that we had a long lesson on maintaining a wheelchair and helped with the cleaning and repainting of the old wheelchairs.
i wasnt able to take pic.dont think i can as well
just hope the world will be a better place.
we rushed to tiong baru for our movie.
we laughed for the whole trip from sambawang to tiong baru XD
everyone else was like looking at us lol!(this 4 person siao de keep laughing xD)
i was kinda shock the we were splitted into 3 groups
(hellboy,10 promises to my dog(wat i am watching) and hancock)
the movie was so touching.but it's like most of the time qi and me are talking LOL!
we still laugh at some part lmao!
(must be the aftermath of LOL-ing too much in mrt XD)
but in the end i cant stop myself from crying.
tears just kept rolling out of my eyes.
i tried to hid myself from everyone else and cried quietly.
but was kinda spotted by qi >.<~
sai was also shedding tears like mad.
not many ppl like slobby movies like that.
but it i think i really like it very much.
haha which reminds me.i kinda remember while i was at old folk home
when ace called over telling us they cant get 10 pieces(promises)to my dog
i happen to saw a very sad face on someone
i guess God has a way of showing light to others in everyway.
although i am not a christian,i would have been one,never let's not dwell into that.
after the movies we all gathered togethered again to share our stories over the show
lol everyone have a favourite thing to do after the show XD
hancock - thumbs up sign
hellboy - singing * "you will never walk alone~~"
10 promises to my dog - "V" hand sign
and we went off spamming at ajisan.
poor qi from dont want to eat end up having to eat quite a lot of things
haha at least now she dont have to eat cu a noodle.really not good for health..
but from time to time i kept feeling as if someone was looking at me.
i someone was guessing my though,but i dont wish to ponder too much.
i am afraid of having mix feeling.
i dont want anything to happen anymore.
i will just focus on wat my mind is set now.
and go where my heart and mind is set for now..
for now i just wanna make happy memories
the lesser sad memories the better..
and yes! i found this on the net xD
10 promises ~~
1.Please have patience when dealing with me.
2.Place your trust in me. Through good and bad times, I will always be by your side.
3.Never forget that I have a heart too… just like you.
4.Whenever I don’t listen to what you say, always remember that there is a reason.
5.Talk to me. I may not understand all your words but I understand your voice when it speaks to me. (In the film: Try to spend a lot of time with me)
6.Let’s not fight. Remember that I could hurt (bite) you but have chosen never to do so.
7.Even when I grow in age (and probably grow slow or weak), please be kind to me.
8.My life may not last as long as yours. Please make every second we spend together count.
9.You may have other friends, other activities. Please remember that for me, there’s only you.
10.When I leave this world, promise me you’ll be by my side. Remember all the times we shared and remember always that I love you.
is alice inside wonderland or outside?
11th July 2008
is alice inside wonderland or outside?
time sure has passed by like a river running downstream
as it slowly rushes through the rapids into the lake
so are my feelings
words from my mouth never seems match wat i am feeling inside.
i am also confuse if wat i am thinking is wat the fact is showing me in reality
should i search for the truth within me?
or should i just let it go away as if it's just a passing cloud?
suddenly i found out i have yet again lost the ability to speak properly
every word i try to say dont make sense anymore.
for the fear of being use by others against me
i stay hidden behind my shell
hoping for the right person to embrace me
and in return let me care for them in life.
loneliness has always being part of my life.
since the RO incident that almost cost me my...
from then on i fear for that part of life.
up till recently i tot i have found something that is world for me to look up upon haha
but in the end the result is nevertheless still the same.
maybe i am just fated not to be able to find someone i can truely give my heart to.
cancerians are quiet ppl who seek company with those they really trust.
if they hate someone ,they will hate them to the the core.
but they always fear that things get too exposed and getting themselves hurted.
i am quite surprise that i am not the only crabbie that is within the group of friends.i think in my life i have only meet like 4~5 cancerians up close.
many of which i can relate to.
haha i guess i just it's just me bah.using too much feeling over others but in return the feelings are not wat i expected to be
so in the end i would just trip and fall back a little
bruise myself haiz...why do humans need love?
i know its a stupid thing to ask .
but still i have said it out...
just as i was about to slp i stumble upon my old blog again.it's was a short 2 months between my poly life and those funny love emothins i used to have.kinda funny how i use to be.
but i guess there is something i feel like a repeat of history towards now.
maybe it's just me
or maybe i am just thinking too much..
haha but nevertheless life is never dull with the world spinning everyday..
"NO matter how many probs were there,
somehow i always end up seeing u at the end of the dark tunnel
even the darkest of days,i see light in u.
but is that a illusion or a reality?
but the most important thing is .
the heart will always be longing
no matter how I hid myself
the truth will never cover the fact that
a bouquet of rose still exist inside my heart
secretly waiting for a special someone to hold..."
Dazied..blurred..confused..
9th July 2008
Dazied..blurred..confused..
today is still a day where my heart is still unsettled
the whole day i am just always thinking of wat have happened in the chalet.
have i done something wrong?
or is it just the way others look at it differently.
misunderstanding seen by other is wat she says the day i called over.
and the matter was made big by others .
hmmm... althought i am hurt but i am slowly standing up again.
with the help of those who are really my friends
i am grateful for those who have shown me the truth.
and am deeply disappointed by those who think this is a good chance to deal a hard blow against me.
i maybe soft.but my experience has come a long way.
every tear i shed every blood i dropped.
tells a tale which i keep in my heart.
learning from the mistake.
i have learn that even if i take grudges it wont help.
i am not intendind to break my benefactor's promise.
i will continue to spread the love and care.
no matter how hard it is.
how many difficult times i have to go through
or how many ppl hating or loving me.
this is part of my life
if i fall to this schemes i would be as weak as those who plots them.
i believe in sincerity,a lie no matter how it's craved is still a lie.
it took me 2 days to sort out and it's only when i suddenly remember that.
i,too have a family.if i would to fall flat to a stranger,how would i protect my family as well as those i love?
so from here on i will retrace all my steps.
first my life..
then my hobby..
then my friends..
no one will try to harm them again.
this is my promise.and when i make a promise i will fight to protect it
for now.i have this group of ppl i need to care for and love.
and i will build up everyone's confident again and make our goals even better then our old goal.
i will once again be a leader to lead everyone.and far most? make everyone enjoy and have fun!
thank u mochi u really help clear my mind whenever i think of wat u said.
and some others which i am gonna keep them a secret for now.i will stand firm
today is my last day i shed my tears.
i remember i have a promise and a quote
"3 tears will break even the lovest heart"
thank u for not replying me so i can totally have a dead heart on u.
i will now stand firm again once i find out wat is happening.
i am not afraid of those who look at me in a queer way anymore.cos i know i didnt do anything wrong
so why am i feeling bad for?
LOL funny that this hits me up only until now.
i think i know why.
cos i was so busy trying to protect that i didnt know wat i am protecting anymore
in fact i am actually protecting the wrong person ! LOL!~
o well at least things are clear up now.
my mind is set.
tml my work will not be drag dopwn by this feelings anymore.
i have found my new goal in life.
10th July 2008
crying..being alone with the world against me...
i donno wat is going on..
but being accused for something i didnt do is something i deeply regard...
just last nite i made a big converse chatwith everyone i know during that day.
explaining about wat has happened.
end the end.all i can feel is the fact that ppl still think i am doing something very wrong.
i can sense the anger everywhere.
when i was talking to lance about my situation.
he did tell me not to expalin myself.
the more i explain the more ppl have doubts in me.
i just wanted everyone to stop making those around me cry.
i dont wish to say who since i know someone is stalking my blog
trying to get me.even if u are reading this i dont give a damn.
this is my blog...everything here is about my feeling
and not for others to judge on wat i type.
i post my anger here so that i wont have to be anger to others.
ha...why am i explaining myself again...
maybe i shouldnt have even bother to explain?
the ppl i used to care for turned against me now.
a place i used to call home has became a tarnished old hut to me...
i spend so much of my effort trying to gather everyone.
making everyone happy.bonding one another and trying to make everyone famous.
i was once look down by others.i know the feeling.that's why i want everyone to feel confident and do their best in watever they do.
i would not forget my benefactor
he showed me that the world is not just a black and white world
even if it is.one must use our heart and care to paint the world again.
and from that day,i stood up again.and lead as a leader for so many areas of my life.from game..to work..to even community services.
everytime i see a smiling face,my heart grew a little bigger and i would wanna share this happiness to many others.
i have always have a liking to remember the happy moments in life
writing them down in forms of a small story and summaries.
it helps bring joy to those who read as well.
those were my 3 years...3 years of endless struggle to train myself not to cry... and share..
now...i have fallen yet again...i cried...
1st time :
was cos 2 of my most cared for person have been hurted.
2nd time :
when i found out things i didnt expect to be...
something that spread like a fire
yet to whether if the romour spreading around is true or not.
i dont wanna say wat i have heard or wat i have found out
i will only sharewith those that i really care for now.
my hearts has fallen rock bottom.
i didnt expect something like this to happen.
i mean although everyone are just friends.
the feeling that i am feeling now is like a family member
just hit me with a heavy weapon
and i just feel a deep bleeding wound.
since the club is getting the fame enough to support itself...
i will take my leave for now...
i am really feeling sad...there is still some much things i wanna do with everyone.
shouji class skit..my planning for the area to start the skit..outings that i have plotted out for everyone to gather and have fun...
suddenly i really failed my duty badly...
my goal for kuraidori and kurabu to merge has not even reach it's goal...
i tot this chalet is a stepping stone for that to happen..
but in the end,not only did i not make it a successful one,i have made
bad memories out of it...
i am a complete failure...
dont deserve anything anymore...
sickening day...
8th July 2008
sickening day...
a whole freaking day of nothing but troubles since that day...
it's just funny how singapore can have such interesting ppl all over.
many have told me.
"dont bother explaining to them
if they know u and believes u.they would.
if they are just trying to see things in a surfce they will never believe anything u say.
more over if it involves around love and relationships."
i am gonna start anew.a let the past just behind me.
、嘘を言っては十分には、長くは続かない
真実を話すのは、常に自身を
メーカーみんな嫌わないでいただきありがとうございます。
今すぐ詳細については、真の友達と私は最後に、グループ
, uso wo itsutte ha juubun niha , nagaku ha tsuduka nai
shinjitsu wo hanasu noha , tsuneni jishin wo
me^ka^ minna kirawa naideitadakiarigatougozaimasu .
ima sugu shousai nitsuiteha , makoto no tomodachi to watashi ha saigo ni , guruupu
7th July 2008
The story contiunues part3..A Real world made into a Plastic World
i guess this would be my last entry for the day.
this is really the first time i have seen myself blogging a day times in a roll at different time of the day...
yea i guess it's kinda funny how sometimes a real world is hardly recognisable between a plastic one.
"how can we know if it's real or just acting to push things away."
am i just being to kind to others?
protecting them heartfully but in the end i just get a dagger stabbed into me.
2 times in a row,sincethe morning i have crashed against the wall.
and becos of that wall,i falled to look carefully for an exit which was always seems to be there waiting.
i donno...i just lost concentration to a extend that i had a mental block during that point of time...ideas just comes out harder then normally.well of cos that would be the case .i mean i can be thinking of wat the fiak is that guy trying to do the whole day yet trying to think of poses.
and wat i hate about ppl is to have make use of others to do youre dirty work.
"borrow the dagger of others and killing the one u hate"
wat's the meaning of this?
u have used 4 person that i have notice to do ur dirty work.
damn u...and many a times i freak wanna expose u.if not becos of 2 friends that i dont wish to hurt i would have practically lost control of myself..
u should know urself,u could have became a pulp that very nite.
so quit your fiaking attitude and wake up your idea.
and if u are freaking jealous..stop trying to use others to question your doubts.even i dont do that cos it hurts others more then comforting yourself.
just becos u wanna ease your pain,u think of these hurting moves?
wat kind of guy are u?
can u still consider yourself to be a guy at all?
do u know that whenever i found out that she actually cried,
it makes me feel sad as well?
i was feeling so damn down that day when she really feel hurt that nite.do u even care about her feelings?
damn u man...damn u...wake up your freaking idea,
stop trying to make the world turn sour.
i am gonna take a break off from this mess of troubles for a while..
i donno...after that nite i just feel freaking bored over your actions.
as well as mine...by letting myself being malipulated by u...
the story continues..of a baby in July
7th July 2008
the story continues..of a baby in July
yea u might find this funny
why am i double posting for 7th july?
haha well cos it's my Bday =3
nah kidding.it's just that i have more stuff to talk about.
i seriously wonder is it really something that worth having thew whole world
falling apart from.
one thing for sure is i think i know why a certain person is always trying to
make a big fuss over the issue to make me feel very much unwanted and making those around me hate me so much.it's all within the burmuda triangle story.
a cross over of different ppl and feelings from one another have made this person
take side over him.thus creating trouble over me.
making those around me slowly to dislike me a well.
hmmmm.but sometimes i do wonder,i am making myself feeling all heart burnt as well.
is it so hard just to do wat my heart is telling me?
it's not like i go around spreading negative news all over.
and yes i am not stupid and senseless enough to do that as well.after i am not some 14 year old kid who knows nuts of the world other then trying to make others suffer
i am a freaking human too...i have feelings just like everyone else.
have u all ever been in my shoe before?
losing the feeling of crying and not being able to express myself well to those i loved...u think this is a "alice game" fighting with each other just for "father"?
i have said it before,i dont treat these feeling as if they are a game.
i did not step in just cos i know u were one.but somehow the wrong msg came by and
u shown me u gave up.and now u came back again with twice the pain?
pls... i would say this once and no more then once.i place my work and my personal life in a different way.to me photography is a work of art.and my models are important in a way to a extend that i would do my best to boost their confidence.Yes i admit,my heart speaks of another tale but deeper inside there is another promise i made to both parties.i am just strifing for that goal as well as promise i made to myself and others.
a promise to which i hope to made singapore know more of J culture,and to make more friends...if one think this is just a kind of stupid dream then i just have to
bare with it .
these days i am really losing my appetite for any food.eating anything will just make me puke again...maybe it's a good thing.at least i can slim down,i guess.
sigh..i longed for a outing that liek this.moreover it's a triple bday chalet + cosplaying.turns out my bday is a return of a sad memories again.
i am happy the rest enjoys it,feel sad at those who tries to make my life bad,and thanks those who stand by me and helped me.i guess without this i cant learn more about this world.but i wish 1 day i can just have 1 small chance where i can just cry quietly...who say guys cant cry...a cry once in a while helps relieve the soul...
7th July 2008
Bday at last,wonders in heart?
sometimes i wonder wat is thingsto begin with.
are happiness just a joke or does it bring about joy and laughter
Just yeterday nite.another seriously big thing happened...
something that got me really burning.asi have wrote in my last entry.i was approached by someone on a very pvt matter days before the chalet.
the question was pretty blunt.but i didnt really reply to it.
juat that morning i was i a truth or dare game.i was again appraoched with the same question...so again after again i was approached over the matter.from different angle.
i dont really enjoy was i was hearing.and also found out things that was pretty blunt about that guy.so does it mean that u cant get the person to like you over your
bluntway of talking,u wanna do that onto others?
i dontwanna say that it'sstupid or anything.just be considerate with the others.just becos i treat ppl or take a certain amount of pic over someone means i am trying something funny...
yes i agree,the heart speaks of nothing but the truth but it wasnt really th reason behind these 2 days.all i wish was to have someone feel appreaiated by others.to uild up confident to someone who had potential over something.but becosof the issue araised..i became nothing but a useless bump...
again i was struggling to get my thoughts together over wat i wanna do.
many a times i can feel that that day could have been a chance to hold but i just simply covered by thoughts of how i was being push away.
i mean hey,i am just trying with my heart.it's not that i have offended u i a way.i dont know wat u did behind my back.but i just hope u would stop it.it's really not very nice.your pranks are not funny at all.it's hurting in a way.becos of wat u did,i am now at a lost again...thank u for doing that to me again.
My little hut of love , care and confusion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
i am really kinda happy that i am able to celebrate this July with so many ppl.all the while i have always been a loner in a way.bday is never once with friends.everytime something would screw up and foil my bday(well i guess it did happened again...)but there is something i got that really kinda warms my heart.a cake and a gift that,that means quite a lot to me.thought it's just a gift,but i guess it's still something from the heart.but i just simply dont know if i am doing the correctthing.i dont wanna stress over stuff.cos i know it kills .i will still keep calm and in the end solve things in a way that many dont.leader is never easy to be but to learn to be one is better then to be one as well.i may not be attractive,but if one looks for t he looks i guess the hearts would sink deeper then the ocean beyond...
an hour of bird talk ,a day worth of bird waste...
6th July 2008
an hour of bird talk ,a day worth of bird waste...
i guess i shouldnt be talking about day 2 so instantly but i guess i m just pretty annoyed and all moody.the morning was all a lovely chat around our lifes and some interesting chats that normally is keep under the table.but yea i guess it was a time killing thing to do that.nevertheless i do recall on a certain day where i received a msn conves that got me a little overwhelmed as well as unwilling to talk about.something pvt tat is fpor me to know and only me.
i have no reason to tell u and u dont have to find freaking ways to get it out of me.i donno wat the oni u are thinking of.everyone have their own life to go through.if u are thinking that life is nothing but a crapful of lies .u can live in it yourself...dont drag me into hell.i only wanna create happy moments to not just those i like,love or even care.one dont have to have someone in order to care.caing is about looking after the happiness and protect them from harm.and not hurting them.
if u have a heart of darkness.keep it to yourself dont spread to everyone i know.everyone deserve to smile.for that u made me feeel very dissappointed in u.i tried to be good to u but u totally screw it up...
i guess i have no point to make another person smile as well.i guess u just screwed yourself up from another friend who wanna be a true friend to u...
Crash bandicoot~
3rd July 2008
Crash bandicoot~
today sure is a day of energy bursting..
rushed my data to finish up wat's left of the data .was suppose to be on off today but i insist on myself to have my work done so i can holiday in peace without having woes as well as worries by everyone in RTP/STS
well that's me =)
although i might be a slacker but i do have my sense of responsiblity on wat i must do and when i would enjoy myself.that's how i can stay in this job for so long..(or maybe cos they cant find ppl to do? =x who knows XD)
oh yea i as at vivo when i met someone in waloli o.O
i was quite surprizewhen i saw someone wearing that.
"waloli walking around shopping as norm clothing?"
but it's on later when i was at the sky garden did i found out that,she was doing photosession with her friend.yea i was blunt enough to ask her and her photographer if they were in any forum.to my surprise,she was in none haha
yea yea xD i invited her into kuraidori and sgclub xD.
hope she can find our tread in here =x
always welcome a new member =3
anyway if anyone is wondering how she looks like here it is =P
her waloli was actually same with one of our lolita photoshoot rynx =3
geez i even forgot to ask her her name -.- o well so much for trying to recuit ppl haha
LOL to make things mmore emberressing i was wearing my formal office wear taking scenery shots of the place for our might-be new location for next loli shootout
guess everything have a turn of table =P.(she asked for my namecard x.X,err i dont have one x,X" lol if i o have one wat title am i to put there o.O?)
Chaklian
Kuraidori Photographer
To shoot and snap is a kit to keep
*pic of our momochan mascott*
XD nice? ok i will do some name card with this xD LOL as if i will ! duh xD
haha well anyway today sure is a shopping spree.getting stuff from here and there.it was fun,hasnt been going around buying stuff for a long time.haha but then again there are other stuff in mind that i was planning for as well.in due time i hope those stuff will come in handy.that is if i can find them that is =\
time to do some "hunting" xD
anyway again a raid in shokudo hit the wave as feasting that never seems to amaze my tastebud.nothing like a good meal there,nevertheless it's a noisy nite =\
if it was a afternoon the place is great and sure is peaceful xD
got a little lazy from running around haha
but i am still planning out where kuraidori can actually get our photoshoot as well as vid there.the nice sport on the right or mid right is good i guess.wont be obstructing others yet we can have a spot just for ourselves so yea.just hope our uni will come soon~
~Dreamy thoughts of the castle in the emotional sky~
A shadow from the dark approached me with a loom of wonders.
i totally donno if i should give my light shining into the shadow
i fear the shadow would cast a bigger darkness into others
which would swollow me whole
just as it did to some others.
so i stayed quietly in a corner
avoiding the advocation from it.
how long can i avoid i dont know
if it was an angel i might just give my word
but it's a shadow that i cant identify
i can only try not to show my light into it
and cos the world to suddenly go blind from the flash of light
nothing beats just knowing the wonders quietly
then making it the 8th wonder of the world...
so sorry, the coin stays in the piggy bank
until i can share the coin i will share it...
Name:
Chaklian Aka Koichi Yutaka
Birthdate:
7th July 1982
Likes:
playing online game
Ocean and sea
Photography
J-pop/K-pop
Hates:
Flirts
slow walkers
arrogant
personality
Favourite Food:
curry!!!gotta be curry!!!
.::E-
mail\Friendster::.
chaklian20@hotmail.com
.::previous posts
sometimes i ask myself. (true story) Sometime I wish... too much things too little time I feel appreciated Human race is weird lots of thinking through... Lol wth fly away... Sigh...
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