actually there were so much things i wanna blog during this whole month...so much things have happened.i will start with something that was a happened half a year ago that affected me now with a big blow.as some ppl know broke off and became single during that time.and cos of the heartbroken feeling .i develope a breathing problem.it got worst one of those days during the month and it was so hard i have to grasp for air for a few days until i cant endure it anymore,forced to go see a doc.Xray-ed,thank heaven i am ok.prescriptioned medicine made me a little better now.haha funny something that i always treasure and loved can turn out to be a spike of my life.if it was a few months back i would have wish i suddenly just pass out and never wake up...o well i have to be strong.had a friend whose in my shoes now.
and i kinda hate seeing her feel like this.lol maybe it's the femine side of me who dont wish to see hurt as something that harm everyone especially ppl u care about.

anyway that's just one of the "boo boos" during the month of dec -.-.christmas eve....that's the one that hit me on the heart and got me gloomy all day as well as loneliness.it's the day of me asking her to be my loved "one and only".wont forget how i asked for her to be my gf.a boat ride in the mid of christmas eve almost to christmas.planned all along waiting to ask her"will u be my girlfriend" directly on christmas (12am exactly).haha i can still remmeeber how she was afraid of the rocking boat.holded her close to me so she would feel secure and watch the nite as we pass through singapore river.haha all's nothing but memories to be kept now....

my goal now? try to earn more money,and as for love? let's just say "up to how fate wants me to be " bah.i dont know if i can be as loving as i use to anymore.i now put solitude from showing my care as a mask to seal myself from getting hurt.dont wish to end up dead just becos of something as trivia as this.i dont think it's worth it anymore.it's not about " there are bigger fish in the ocean" quote.but just dont think it's worth it for me to be like that.maybe i will start to change when i met the person who i can care for and love i guess.till then i will be in the shadow and stay there for a while.i guess it's time to sleep now almost 4.30am.still have to go for job briefing tomorrow.side job =P extra income ^^, still need to find 1 more job haha.