When Dreams Prevail,

Monday, February 27, 2012

Sometime I wish...

One thing about having friends working in a job that requires secrecy
And having to do deals with them makes things really complicated.
That is why I dislike changing things from one to another.
It applies for the things I do as much as for love and relationship.
Once u put ur heart in one,
It's just not right to put it in another.

Sigh...
I guess the issue now isnt about love.
But more about deals.
Having to know 2 person
whose dealing with the same thing.
Yet u have already have dealt with one while
The other is a friend who u know for several years.
Yet u know u are avoiding him for the last 3 years
From the deals which u hate facing.
But because of good will u agreed to meet
hoping for some others to learn.

But wat the outcome is the guilt of "cheating" a friend
Who I have to face for the next 5 more years incamp.
Now suddenly whenever I face anything that revolved around the deal.
I totally don't feel like doing at all.
My mood totally changes...

Sometimes I wish my friends isnt into those job.
Stupid Singapore.
Having so much competition in the same job scope.
F**king competition is so tight that.
One feels that anything within the circle is nothing but a profit.
Argghhhh...
Having headache this morning.
And now this guilt feeling isn't helping as well.
I really need to care for myself more then for others.
Being too friendly isn't good at all.
First girls are always into douchbags
2ndly being kind ends up getting negative feedbacks
Cos to many ppl , the thinking would be
" noone whose kind enough to do things."
F**k society.F**k idiots societ classing >.>
I wish I am in Japan...seriously

Singapore is just too much of a F up place >.>

...
So frustrating inside of me...
I guess the most troubling thing inside of me would be wat happen last nite...
Parent argued again.
Over some issue which I don't know.
Here I am wanting to plan for my future.
There it is a family issue that kept dragging me
Deeper and deeper into black hole.
Where I can't breathe and I can't vend my anger out anywhere.
I can't tell anyone my problem.
No one would actually understand it anyway.

Things like these,
If u experience it first hand,
U would look at the world in a very dim light.
To me everything in the world is always about money.
Everyone does a thing for the money gain they can get out of it.
I know in order to work out my life when I am old.
I would need to work hard now.
Not for anyone but for myself.
I fear to have someone to be with...
I really do..
With a family experience like this...
Wat lies ahead of me
is nothing but a blank sheet of paper.
A paper which I dare not draw upon.
I am no perfectionist
But watever I do,
I seek perfection.
Why...?
I donno...
My eyes are watery now.
But I hold my tears back...
I can't show my weak side to anyone...
I need to show the world how strong I am...
That I am not easily defeated...
Yet here I am trying very hard to old my tears back...

My heart aches a lot now...
I am seeking comfort... No I am craving for comfort...
No one I can cry to now except here .
I hope my words would be carrying my sadness
And tears for me...

I really donno would I would do with this little santuary of mine.
Since the day I started living here.
It has always been a fairytale for me.
Happiness, deepest sadness,loneliness, achievements.
All my feelings and emotions all stored in a digital world of characters and pixels.

Without me knowing I have talked so much here.
I am afraid of going home now...
Yet I am really tired now...
Really really tired of everything...

4:19 PM