a trip into the flea market
when we think of singapore
wat is t he first thing to begin with?
"owww singapore, let's head downtown and have a shopping spree"
but is that the only place which is well known to go?
yes well for those who loves spending money
buying stuff or looking at expensive fashion wear then it's a good place to head to
but yea there is a flip side in singapore too
yes i am talking about the flea market in singapore
but be aware not to wear fancy wears or thick clothings
if not u might end up cooked by the sun up above
many a times we only thing about wat's good in life for ourselves
but never really thing about how others feels
we take everything for granted and abuse wat ever resource we have
in human natural
it comes between having to find for someone
or to use someone for fill our needs
both exist to fill each other's place in life
but many a time
the one who seeks for another is the one who will ended up losing ourselves t o them
they found ur use and kept u by their side till u are of no use to them
they would sell u off in a flea market
ironically, the ones who are being used knew about it... yet they didnt stop themself..
funny how life works isnt it.
one thing we will never figure out.
maybe we would,when we end up destorying ourselves that is...
love ,seduction and sex
ever wonder how 1 can be attracted with each other?
from finding the darkest secret of loving someone
and being with the inner character of the person u love
to a nite out in the pub finding for a fling
or just a nite out in the wild swinging
but if we put all factors together
we will come back to a single point for everyone
being lonely and the desire for companionship
we long for someone to fill be close to our heart
we go in search for them in anyway so that we wont fill empty
but in the end when we found out that the one we really one
isnt the one we are looking for we moved on
fluctuation and passing feelings that we wanted
everyone needs them from time to time
but when it comes to really loving someone
wat we really want is for a special someone to unlock our heart
the secret that we dont wise others to know
some even uses this this special talents to trick gals into having sex with them
a dangerous skill that is both well received yet cruel
but in the end to really love someone is to find ways to know them from within...
kokoro no yume ,anata mienai...
drip drip drip went the water droplets...
it's funny when it comes to love and relationships
one week u can calling the special someone darling
only to find out that u dont understand them at all the very next week
wat has the world become of?
maybe i am being too traditional
a stereotype of person where to me,
love is somewat of a commitment
something we look upon and to love
to bare a part of a soul mate with someone else
but coming back to the issue of feeling today
communication plays a very big part in any relationship as well as other life factors
but wat causes us to prevent that from happening?
would be ;
but many a times ppl would either use a forceful denial
by cutting themselves off from the other party
in order to lessen the chance of being asked on issues like these
a clear cut ignoring is a man's powerful tool of denial
yet it's a cruelsome cut to another's pride and feeling.
but not many are bothered with it anyway
well afterall we are born selfish
we all fear t he pain that ruins our lives
so before that happens we push the pain over to the other party
protecting ourselves from that feeling
it's really hard for a circle like this to break
but the key to success and understanding dont come from ur dalay actions
but from thing thing one can chat about
to slowly know more about the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lol i dont understand why i ended up with this pic but yea now my room officially have another chivas 18years~
gotta love this
nothing beats a shot of hard liquor to wash the world away ~
a sin that cant be forgiven
yet again i have pricked another needle upon a fragile doll
i wonder why am i a failure when it comes to facing ppl
maybe my sin is too much for a meer forgiveness from someone
to a extend that it makes it feel like the world has came tumbling down on me
i blame no one but myself
for my lack of communication,
my ability to convey my msg to others
ever since i played eso.
i feel myself losing my true self each and everyday
it's like a wow addiction
from the day i had some miscommunication with a friend of mine.
i have been noticing wat about my alertness and other factors
and i found out that my sense of alertness has dropped dramatically
i tend to misunderstand watever ppl said
giving myself a lot of wrong info and getting others annoyed over me
even as i was smsing a friend of mine i found myself reading the msg wrongly.
it was clearcut to the core yet i can misread it
it has never happened to me before
i guess it must have been all the late nites i was having playing eso
it has really affected my life by a lot
i know the reason why i stayed on.
i truthfully know but i really need to do something about it
this cannot go on.
for that i have decided
even when when i havent receive my pet and stuff
i am gonna officially quit ESO as of today.
once i have settled the accts i will just remove the game off my cpu
and get on with my life
i already told myself once the story of the stargazer and gutan
i will make a decision
and that will mean i will have to decide and keep to that decision
may it be a correct choice or not
i have done wat i suppose to do so far.
so now is the time for me to fuifill my promise to myself
Everyone is has a egg within ourselves
one that is of a pureness within
Our dreams,feelings ,and many other memories feels up this egg
slowly we created ourselves
a beautiful alter-ego of a perfect self
but many a times we are clouded with feelings and sadness
that slowly corrode this egg of ourselves
turning it into a negative energy that force use to turn away from our goals
i guess to some anime lovers : Shugo chara is a well known anime
old but still worth a lot of meaning within
but it's not wat i am referringtoday
it's the real world that i am referring to
ppl who are affected by feeling after they were expose to the true nature of someone
as i was talking to another friend about feelings and when 2 guy approached her with a confession
i abruptly think about stuff that had happen to me as well
funny thing is,this gal has the same situation as wat have occured before similarly
the plot is the same,except the cast of the story
it makes one wonder if feelings are worth expressing out to ppl u like
or do ppl just enjoy being praised without a reason?
maybe it's due to past experience that have cause these ppl to reject reality
and fear the cause of pain and hurt.
as i was reading something interesting online
"one rejects the love of someone as well as a sweet talk even when they like them
due to the fear of getting someone they like hurt and in the end
causing a end to a uneventful start of nothingness"
interesting isnt it,
hasnt been a while since i read stuff like these
since the day i locked my heart with with a lock size of a huge border
feelings to me are just emotions that will cause hurt and suffering
which somehow proves itself to wat it is.
i guess there is something called silent love.
loving without showing//feeling//having
but seriously why bother to love when u cant even show affection to someone at all?
i miss the days where chatting with the someone without having to feel a restriction
the feeling of the world has no end
even when we know it will end someday
wat can i refer that as?
crush on someone? liking someone? loving someone?
or similiar just a natural thing that both party feels
that have already left in the corner of the street
infested by rats and roaches...
and btw i still never have the will power to let go
i just let it drift in the empty void hoping that u can hold it back again...
quietly waiting for ur return..
The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With winds of hope and disspair even then
and the blooming of spring flowers
A new year bearing new dreams for everyone has once again returned
Yu ze spent his blissingful life with Fei er
even though times were rough
with many misunderstanding and difference
they still gathers together
smiles and laughter are always never far from them
but even then Yu ze still feel a emptiness within himself
he often lies within his room looking out in the window
thinking about a certain someone that he longed years ago
knowing that even though
they were a thing of the past
and they are never meant to be togetherr
still he wise and hope that miracle will happen.
days past by 1 after another
Yu ze patience grew wary from the contant ranting
and comparison between him and others
he still rememebers the days
where he stared upon the stars in the nite
with the images of Gutan
his heart swells with aches and pain
and a longing that he would never reach....
"My humanly body might be here on the mortal world
but my heart and soul has already long gone to where you are
hoping that one day u will pick me up and hold me close to urs..."
(ends.. )
vivo city exhibition
went to vivo today and man... how much have i miss these days at home
santosa's having a lighting exhibitiom near the merlions.
i could have gone there to take photos and stuff
damn wasted my time playing a stupid online game
anyway i am only stayin for a while more.
soon i will be quitting
anyway here are some of the photos i took of the event
The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Da chi,the one ofthe 4 heavenly Guard decended upon Yu ze mansion in search of Gutan
many earthly days has pasted in comparasion to a mere 1 day in the heaven
Gutan was once again summon by the heavens again to return
even though the days in the mortal world was nothing she has feel before
she is still overjoyed to return.
taking upon Da chi's hand they left again upon the sky
leaving Yu ze a sense of dispair again..
after so many years in search for her
she is still left without a trace of feeling...
Yu ze feel nothing but remorse for putting in the feeling he have felt so deeply for her
he faded away into the shadows of his mansion again...
Fei er, a attractive yet mysterious lady came into the town where Yu ze lives
a woman whom has came from another city in search of a new home
due to her town being destroyed from the war.
although she is a woman of great beauty but she bares doubts and confuse from the war
as both Yu ze and Fei er walked across the bridge
crossing each others path a spark of aura unknown to others but the both of them arised
not long after they met
they are able to talk to almost anything in the world
but little does Yu ze knows that Fei er isnt just an ordinary woman
she is actually the daugther of a rich art merchant
and many seeks for her love and hand in marriage
but she rejected them all.
untill her father decided to force a marriage onto her
A war General by the name of Yue men had took fancy of her beauty
since the first time he saw her father's personal collection of her protrait
and has ever since pressured Fei er and his father with all sorts of ways to get to her
dispite Fei er's hatral on him ,she still has no choice
but to accept him as someone close in order to protect his father...
the crash of the uneventful struggle of possession came in
leaving Fei er with feeling of dispair and sadness...
"If one is to love for the sake of love
and the other is to protect for the sake of love,
i would rather not choose and end myself not taking any choices at all..."
(to be continued...)
An angel's wings for an angel's heart?
Nothing beats having a friend over for visits
yea Yz came over around the evening for a visit.
meh heard his DSLR len went crazy =\
sad>< i really love his cam lol~
took great photos with it
my photography skills improved most from his assistance and guidiance
yea photography is a powerful skill where many moments are capture in a snap of a shot
i use to remember when i was young
i used to fiddle with my father's ancient cam
and i use to buy snapshot cams to take photos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as time pass by
i get less and less passive over wat i think
but i guess silence is always best and meant for it to be that way
1 heart = 1 mind = 1 soul = 1 love
a person can never have 2 heart.
cos that's how humans are made
i dont really care how things go now
i am locking my feelings up once again
that seems like the best way it would be
but i am starting to feel slightly better now
as i slowly think about stuff in my life
and not getting affect by ppl around me
i feel myself again
the true me
happy when i am happy sad when i am sad
my life is like a cosine rule
and i enjoys it
it's not a angel's wing that i want
it's a angel's heart...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After years of fierce-some battles
many glories arise
many downfall came into light
nevertheless one after another.
peace beings to settle down
mortals began building up wat was destroy during the war
many soldiers has sacrificed themselves
but the decease has gain glory
Yu ze on the other hand was so busy with looking out for the sighs of the stars
he never had a chance to really look into his dreams and feelings
as time passed he slowly feel less obessess with the feeling of Gutan
As he moves on around doing his reading in the forest
he heard a tump in the bushes
there he saw someone who he has never expected to see
there lies Gutan wounded from a ambush
all restless and flinching
Yu ze carried her back to his mansion
and days after days they spent times together as
Yu ze looked after her tending to her needs
the feeling of joy came rushing into his mind
there he felt.a feeling he had once forgot..
a feeling he once longed so much for...
a secret which he has never expose .
yet now he was able to show it out without saying...
"With the blessings of the heaven,
the stars and the moon
my true heart has came back to me
once again i feel blessed with the blooming of the peach blossom."
woke up with a throbbing heart....
feeling really restless now..
heart is beating so fast and i donno wat is the cause of it
well maybe i do
maybe i just cant accept the fact that i have destroyed something
that i really long to have but was too scare to ask
becos i am afraid that in return i will not get wat i really wanted
i remember i told a friend recently
no matter how far apart both ppl is
as long as u love each other
nothing can stop u from doing wat u want
give it all u got to love her and him
eventually both got together as a couple
even with all the hardship
but even when i adviced them...
i, myself didnt advice myself to do wat i really wanted
i feared that if i say out the truth.
i might not get wat i really hope for
so i kept asking ....kept asking..
.till i was slapped on my face due to my persistance
haha...i am stupid isnt it...
i can only say out my feeling in here yet i dare not face the world...
wat a coward i am...
if time were to turn back.
i would have left eso and joined kungfu like wat i said in eso....
and those were the truth...
it was never a lie .
if not i wont have feel so bad up till now...
is this really wat i want?
i have 4 more days to think this through...
for now as much as i still wanna persist on.i restrain myself
i will look into my heart
and see how i really feel.
when the time is right i will have to do the correct decision
to leave....or to stay....
cos it's not the game that i long for...
it's the real companiship that i really long for....
The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
flowing and waiting for noone
every nite Yu ze will not miss a chance to see Gutan doing her rounds
drifting around busying with wat a fairy should be doing
her smile always revolves around Hartu when ever they talked
Yu ze knew he was nothing compare to Hartu.
afterall they are both celestia bodies
whereas his nothing but a mere mortal
no matter how he long for he will never reach for the stars...
eventually Yu ze got married to a sweet wife; Fayizhen
and quietly and happily settled down
nevertheless he still didnt forget Gutan inside his heart
still longs that one day...just one day his wish will come true
-------------------------------------------------------
years pass by a war broke out between the heaven and hell
demons run amok the earth
causing chaos and driving fears in many's life
the heaven and earth was driven to beyond it's limit
so heavenly guards were sent to search for talents in the mortals
fine warriors,witty tacticians and fortellers
are summoned to the heavens to assist in the fight
Yu ze was one of the fortellers of stars summon into the Celestia court
with his feeling of unease,
there is a mix feeling of hope yet fear to see someone whom he longed
and there she is
as he stand before the Jade emperior
Gutan was standing among the other celestial bodies awaiting jade emperiors orders" After so many years...
nothing have changed,her looks and everything about her still is wat they are...
but i ...i have changed so very much..all except my heart.it will never change even for a little bit..."
*to be continued... *
ever wonder why we dont go looking for ppl to love with and ppl not to love with?
it's funny when things turn out a different way then one would think of.
being able to communicate and understand ur partner is a form of showing out the love within
there are some who are able to perceive this while others who arent .
so does that mean loving them would mean a pain if the same feeling is returned
today i have talked to someone whom i hasnt talk to in a long time
i can see many changes in her and how mature she have grown to be
we chatted for a while on so issues of relationship and how we should perceive on others
and i would say i am really glad i have talked to her
well before anything i wish her dream of settling down would come true
anyway somehow i feel i am being push into a dark dark well
not being able to breathe at times
being a person who cant project my smile out easily
i cant help hoping to see the smiles happening in others
but sigh...it just isnt easy at allAn angel stripped her wings and and have fell off the heaven.
not wanting to seek the clouds above anymore
while a mere mortal has picked up the angels wings and being soring
yet still bare traces of humanly characters .
that is how i feel of wat i am feeling now.
just feel so sick to see things like this happening
i have actually a short story to kinda sum up how i feel.
but i wonder if i have the energy to type them all down.
arg i guess i will do a few part story to continue up tml
starting to have blackouts due to slp -.-
The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In ancient times,
stars are a sign of either telling great fortune or mishap
and every star is guarded by a fairy within
this story tells of a maiden fairy named Hui Gutan whom watches over the star of Gutan
and a astronomer name Yu ze
Yu ze is a well know astronomer during that period of time
and many seeks his help in looking at the stars for fortune
he was popular around the ppl and often bring smiles to the others
with his unique talent
but despite his ability to bring happiness to us
he,himself has never been able to smile at all no matter how hard he tries
one fine day as he was reading the stars again
he unintentionally stumble upon a fairy
but during that point of time he could only sit on the patches of grass
looking at her wandering around and being with the guardian star god Hartu
"no matter how much i know i want to get to know her,
she will always just be a celestia being while i am nothing but a mere mortal...."
so he would just quietly sit there and watch her....
Less Pew Pew more QQ
lol why am i still in that god forsakened place?
as i slowly see my life crumbling into the mist of darkness
i feel a little despair from time to time
yet i feel blessed from moments to moments
one would say being too emotionally attached to something will end u with nothing but pain
and i stringed myself with a Black elmo and a peacock, A fallen angel...with little "godfather" fairy
both plays their roles in a everlasting story's oracle
i feel like a mouse tying so hard to squeeze into the holes within the wall
trying so hard not to get stomp on
hoping for some loving cheese
but in the end traps of poison and tacks are all i see
why does a world that defies the logic of existance
can cause a dimensional tear into a person's heart
all i wish is for a smile
for someone to care and be cared
in the end it's nothing but a bad dream
i wonder if i am a puppet of god
when he feels that i neeed a dip of rainbow he would pour down the warm lights of the sun
but when he feels i am boring .i will be in the dump deep in a dark corner...
wish i can see the light again...
i guess that is no such thing as a happy ending with everyone
hmmm while i am typing this blog again i feel a deja vu
did i do this before?
it's like a same incident happening again...
私のように彼女の
しかし
私は愛する彼女も...
ので、何を好みに合わせて、愛する誰か？
all in a day's work, all in the nite's fire
lol recently i have suddenly enjoy talking in msn
with some friends and exchanging woes and joy
yea it's kinda but i guess it helps open up my mind
well maybe part of my mind i guess
but ever wonder when there were days when u feel that u arent u anymore
u gave up being true to urself
and lie to the real you just to appealing
yea i screw myself up sometimes i guess
why you might ask.
lol well i am guessing sometimes
i do turn out too much of a juice then a glass of plain water
i know i am a glass of plain water
but i donno if i am well received or not...
so i coloured myself with favourings to look like a juice
in the end...
the taste was too sweet for the drinker to enjoy..
i got poured away..
leaving a stained empty glass =\
i know i have read and learn that i should be truthful
and be myself.
yet having a bit of fun here and there
not too much that's for sure
i guess i need to have more self confidence
if i wanna really become a bottle of mineral water
full of salts and yet well loved by any thirsty drinker...
hmmm ok will do.
i will start adding more healthy salt into me
and become a better setting brand of mineral water then
nevertheless i love wat i did today.
failed a little on the surprize
not to mention that i didnt have the intention to wanna see it
was just preparing it
but i guess god of time didnt give me a good control amd it was mistaken wrongly
i guess i can only silently apologize inside my heart to that drinker
for the bad artificial colourings...
may everything run smoothly
somehow i felt something that warmed my heart a little
a hidden smile behind those emotionless feelings
i am glad that i can still feel that smile coming to me
blah almost 4
time to go slp
oyasuminasai
Name:
Chaklian Aka Koichi Yutaka
Birthdate:
7th July 1982
Likes:
playing online game
Ocean and sea
Photography
J-pop/K-pop
Hates:
Flirts
slow walkers
arrogant
personality
Favourite Food:
curry!!!gotta be curry!!!
.::E-
mail\Friendster::.
chaklian20@hotmail.com
.::previous posts
sometimes i ask myself. (true story) Sometime I wish... too much things too little time I feel appreciated Human race is weird lots of thinking through... Lol wth fly away... Sigh...
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