~dreamer's world~

the slumber that never came

2012-02-07T03:37:00.002+08:00

can't seems to sleep tonite...
after a short chat text that went on to some deep issues
i am not sure if i am feeling it right,
but i think i hit a spot where many things leads to the origins of the past.
i really wish i can just go over and give her a hug.
telling her that it's ok.
memories is never easy to forget.
especially certain issues.
i know a strong and independent character dont just come by merely that way.
humans are born weak,selfish and self centered...
but the trials in life strengthens and creates path which we would follow.
the ending doorway would be the outcome of our own doing.

but coming back to the present.
sometimes i do feel that talk is cheap.
watever we say ,we are most of the time unable to achieve it.
i guess my heart is still a little troubled and feeling down by wat i found out.
one simply cant just walk into another persons life,
without experiencing the pain of seeing another person in life.
not that i have an right to intervene or make big changes.

i have laid a path for myself.
a future which i wish to persuade.
from the day where i was having a hard time talking to others to wat i am now.
i am still not good with words though.
i know i will need to put a lot of effort in trying to overcome it.
finally getting sleepy.

i dont wanna try too hard...
it makes me feel like i need to have it.
i wanna let things go through the course of nature slowly.
but knowing the crystal glass side of someone is never easy.
i am just glad i am honored enough to go a step deeper into the real her inside.
will i be able to get the chance this friday.
i donno...
let fate decide the path then

The silent acceptance

2012-02-06T07:05:00.002+08:00

It had Been so long since I really try to call someone and chat.
Haha but sadly the phone seems to kept having distortion whenever I call her.
Kami sama ... Naze yo...
Are u testing me as well.
I think I still haven't really blog on a dream I had
A few days ago.
Can't really remember it clearly though
But I actually dream about her.
We were walking in some kind of shopping area
Around outram park.
Suddenly there was a lot cats around.
Then suddenly a white cat just lap out of the one of the ledge,
Trying grap food or something.
But failed.
Kinda fell drop to almost 4 story high?
Coughed wat seems like blood and then walked away limping...
That was when I suddenly woke up.

Kinda scary though.
For a cat lover like mySelf .
Seeing that makes me feel sad ><
I hope I really don't see a cat doing it...

>< i blew it again...

2012-02-04T11:38:00.003+08:00

again... i have made someone angry in a way ...
i have tried to keep the feeling low .
not wanting to pressure her...
i know she had many things in her mind.
not too mention the other guy
that is playing a fool.

sigh... that is why i am very afraid of telling ppl how i feel...
i know i have burst of emotions that ppl always misunderstands.
my ways of doing things is based on my very rush like emotions.
well for a person who is very experience in love and relationship.
reacting calmly in responds would be very understandable to many others...

sigh... i wish i was experience in the course of relationship.
but... to me loving 1 person means giving her all that i have.
one can say look out for others.
i would say i would but.if i really do look out for others.
then the feeling would be just a infatuation wouldnt it?

i am stupid...STUPID....!!!
why do i always become like this when i start to really fall for someone.
i am a nobody...compare to someone who is able to be around her everytime.
the only way is through texting...
i mean i have finally took up my courage to call her and have a conversation.
although it was a short one,
it was still a start from scratch...

i dont wanna ruin the path i am slowly building,
but just a while ago i just explained myself so much that i broke the stairs again.....
i am really hopeless...
i need to be quiet for a while...
i know 14 feb is somewat a slim chance of me dating her out.
i still hold on that hope that she would change her mind...

zzz %&^%$^(&&(*^

2012-01-27T21:59:00.002+08:00

sigh... cant even have a peaceful day at all.
come home after work still feeling stress out.
tml suppose to be a fun day .
yet some bugger had make the day turn sour.
giving all the cb comments

next year new year u organize ur own buffet , i am not gonna be involve in urs.

hmmm today i came across a touchy topic with a friend.
it's about the cross over of personal space and the limit of trust.
i still remember back then when one of my friend's started sharing out her account with someone she trusted for very long.
but she didnt know how an ass the other person turns out to be.
they were always joking with each other and having fun.
to a day when she had a nasty quarrel with this guy.

things started to run for the worst without her knowing it.
we didnt as well till later part of the time...
apparently he seems to have ran around trying to be slutty.
attracting unwanted attention and scamming ppl.
since the whole server started hating her.

unknown to us that she was actually away on a holiday,
we all started to stay away from her.
when she finally got on her acct.
she was heavily criticized upon for wat "she " has done.
weirdly and shock,she kinda broke down and cried,
as usual being a neutralist , we talked about it.

only to have found out the true story behind the recent situation.
she isnt the type of gal whose strong willed or hearted.
this came in a heavy blow,
|afterall the person who caused her this is non other then her so call bf.
apparently they got into a fight and she just cant stand how he is anymore.
so in return is a clean scoop to make her lost all her friends .

wow i mean how shiity can a person get?
but then again losing a identity when someone "possesses' u and start talking with ur phone/acct or wat so ever. can be really crazy.
she ,who did totally nothing loses all her friend's trust. just becos of that small issue.
so yea.if someone password to u.if u think u are up to it.respect watever info that person has.
Someone just entrusted u with something personal.
be sure u are able to do it.

the tides that goes high and low

2012-01-22T07:09:00.002+08:00

sigh....
i am such a terrible lier...
sometimes i wish i can really be bad.
girls do like man being a badass dont they?
even in movies, they would show it that way..
haha...somehow i was wondering why i felt so high up the peak.
the heartbeat never stopped rushing since that nite.

but i knew i had to calm down at some point.
the rules of feelings is simple...
when u reach a very high point,u would experience a equal amount of low point somewhere.

hah... i am a failure in math,
yet i do my sine/cosine of life so much better then anything.
Having too much EQ is bad.
u think too much,care too much,longs too much.
and most of all u hold too much to let go of things.

when i decided to ask the break limit question ,
i told myself.wat if she would to say that?
can i really handle it?
back in the movie,i really wish to whisper in her ears again that i like her.
but i know,as a character of the same type.
it was not the time.
there are still too many things that needs to be cleared.
i only wish to open her chained lock ,reaching into the heart .the real little girl sitting inside that little corner of her heart.
wishing for someone to just wrap the arms around her and let her cry nonstop.

why wont i know..?
i am that little boy who sits at the little corner in my heart doing the same before as well.
the only thing is me having lost my keys to enter my house once again.
i can only peek through that window,looking at him now.
the key is somewhere nearby...

when will it be the day someone would return the keys to me.
or buying a new one sharing the keys together...

Holding a grenade...

2012-01-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

i just held on a grenade.
and it blew off right on my face...
i feel as if i was a fish awaiting for a bait.
my heart beat was so fast.
that i hardly can control myself.
i tried to act as if the movie was the cause of all the excitment
but knowing how a idiot i was when it comes to hidding my feeling
i can never be able to hid those heart beat...

an ear near was so close to my heart.
hearing every single beat it was pumping...
it was rushing like mad...
the only time i felt this was back when i was with someone else.

it's easily known wat the feeling means....
and it was responded.or so i tot it was.
i was so happy i held her hand tight.
trying to keep her warm as much as i can.
but i hope i wasnt getting mistaken of being someone else.
just becos i know wat her ex did for her before...

i know i am different.
i can never replace someone with ease.
haha... well why one think i had suffered for the years of my life cos of one relationship?
it is not easy for one to forget someone who u have love all this time...
no wonder i was feeling all uneasy the whole day...
i know something is happening.
it has always been my intuition to feel for bad or good things.
i finally gave my bidding of good bye not too long ago.
another story in my life has ended.
someone this sweet and longing for love isnt worth for anyone to be tarnished...
bless her soul with happiness.
lost the way to shed tears 10 years ago.
so i can only leave my feelings here for the future me to read again.
remember chak.5 years of crying is enough.
there will be a day when ur secret book of dreams be share with another sensitive person who looks for a fantasy love..
though it hurts a little but i know how ppl feel way too much for me not to ignore it.
sorry Alex...i failed my promise again.
u know told me before that m kindness is the fall of me.
but i can never be nasty.
i have tried... but it doesnt work well with my heart.
i will continue to be who i am ,wat i am,and who i will be.
till the day i can change the world or death befalls on me...

どのような奇妙な感じ私は今感じています...
それはまだ、同時に平滑苦痛だ...
たぶん私があまりに何度も傷つけるれているため。
それは無感覚になっている..
神様...私を保存してください...

Cooking up a emotional chili crab...

2012-01-20T15:15:00.001+08:00

wow... so long since i last update my blog again.
well... here i am again..
walking back here in my little sanctuary
and sitting down in the corner...

haha... every time when i have troubles or heart issues..
i end up coming here and pouring all my feelings out.
well at least i wont bother anyone here

well i just need a place for me to recall my thoughts as well as to just put my feelings here for now.

sigh...yea recently i have met a crab whose shell is as hard as mine...
so much things that i didnt know i was able to relate back to myself.
cancerians are romancers
we long for dreamy love .a fantasy that we can put our excitement and feeling to the extreme.

i have never thought that a day where i would find someone similar that actually exist.
yes i like doing sweet things,make ppl laugh with my weird actions.
and make sure in the end everyone is happy.
it makes me happy seeing others are happy as well.

hmmmm but after today.
it makes me wonder ... i am giving others the feeling that i am a weirdo?
liking the all different reason.
doing things out of the norm.
haha it's just like that day when i was at chester's house playing kinect.
while everyone wanna win.
i just wanna make a fool of myself and look at the laughters on everyone's face.
but of cos i ended up being the last LOL!

but here i am feeling a rush of feelings.
the past that had happened.
looking back i wish i had met someone who actually longs for feelings like these.
that kinda reminds me of my sec school days where i actually wrote poems,drew cute pictures and leaving secret poems under the table of the person i like.

sadly i was laughed upon...
sigh...
lol :/

after so many years of being alone.
i have put up a mask of smiling in front of everyone.
while keeping all the woes to myself.
can never seems to share out the feelings deep inside.
haha reminds me of ace attorney psyche locks ><

for some reason i feel so comfortable talking about it.
as well as hearing hers .
for a crab to be able to soften their shell for someone.
it's not easy.
i know it's is a hard path to walk.
but i am prepared for all the bumps that i will encounter.
only time will tell...

argh i am still feeling a bit heavy inside...
need to clear my mind for now and concentrate on my work for now ><

movies by the park

2011-08-07T09:08:00.002+08:00

oh such fun we had yesterday.
but i did wish i went over earlier though.
the place was really placed .
yes it's another year of movies by the park with the DJs of 95 FM
went with our cosfest chalet group over to watch movies.
was kinda sad that we were only able to watch 1 show though.
well afterall it's kinda late.

lol actually there is a lot of things running in my mind now...
i dont even know where to start..
yea..i kinda just woke up from a dream.
a dream of someone.
someone special,yet i was trying not to get involve to...
funny isnt it?
the more u try to avoid in look to the more u might end up getting urself bumping ur head onto with..

i still wish i can ask the one question that plagued my mind.
the question that's just lingers around.
but then again why must i know?
wat part of my mind does it settles the lost key when i cant even simple
rise myself to really face the person in front of me.
i possess a little knowledge of a language which i could say out
yet only the one who learnt it would know.
yea stupidity befouled me once again.
a simple "mind if i see you home tonight" would have been a appropriate ...
yet i simple ended up wimped out...
boku ga aho ...baka baka BAAAKA!

weekend is nearing again...

2011-07-23T02:10:00.002+08:00

once again weekend has somehow arrived
was so busy clearing my photos that i didnt even notice how much time has passed during the process.
but it was fun to see the out come being decent
sigh but there is still so much to clear
gotta do them fast so that i wont end up with piles and piles of work.
met mu xing recently,
his now working as a event planner,haha hoope to get some lobang on freelance photographer jobs.
hmm have some discussion with him on the job prospected that i can look forward to.
hope i can work out some plans if he does have some project for me.~

gotta go slp liao. 2am le ><
hope the heaven will look and bless us with a present tml~

recalling back on that day...

2011-07-20T20:19:00.002+08:00

lol just a recap on the earlier day while i was out with qi and the rest of the gang
yea it was qi's bday
but somehow i feel like we have ignored her...
dispite the morning visit to bukit timah railway,
i didnt really take a lot since it's almost similiar to tanjong pagar rail,except for all the rails.
but i really dont understand how ppl some ppl is thinking...
for me every moments while i am doing photography
i dont rush all over,
there are more then 1 thing to take at a certain area.
but someone was rushing us to move all over the place..
i am not sure if i can consider him a person who appreciate photography
or merely cos i was a competitor of a all diff issue...
yes i said was...

but nevertheless a few things i hate the most is being push around
and ppl who are trying to be funny .
i might not show out how i feel.
but i am quite bothered inside...
why are u trying so hard to show that u are better then me or anyone else? lol
in terms of photography i do it cos it has always been my dream since young.
i am often expose to arts and etc stuff.
i still remember my young days whenever there is a excursion,
i would buy a instant cam
and snap down the moments .

sigh...sometimes i feel like talking to qi about some of these stuff
but i dont really wanna bother her since she has a bf to attend to as well.
some of these stuff can only be shared with ppl who understands how u are from the inside.
a while back i do feel that i was giving the wrong attention.lol
lol shall not go into that.

but yea after that we went over to SAM for some dollfie shoot.
again there seems to be some restriction that i feel on myself.
i think bossu feel it too.
in our minds we all just have the interest of taking cool pics of chester's doll
wanting to go inside SAM since there is air con and 4 dollars nia
but yea -.- spoil sport there was kinda touting...
i personally was hoping to go in.
i have never been inside as well.
and yea like wat ning said.the fee was ex before that day's 4 dollar offer.

in the end the shoot ended at esplanade,
not a lot .
just some poses and stuff .
at times i really wish to just ask her aboiut some stuff.
and just telling her how i feel back then.
just to lift that heavy stone in my heart.
may it be rejection(which i am already set in mind anyway)
but will it be ok if i do so?
9 months of admiration and learning about her,
only takes me 1 moment to shatter them all...
how cool is that haha.....
forgive me for my selfishness...
i need to learn to let go on things that is impossible...
cos i can also feel the connection there as well...

Psy-locks within the heart

2011-07-18T08:24:00.002+08:00

Sigh...ever come across times where u know u are able to do anything or say anything.
Yet due to a tremor in the past,ur heart is locked up in order to protect urself?
Ye..those are called psy-locks.

Many a time I have tried unlocking the lock within me
by trying to face females ,talking to them ,approaching them to chat.
But of cos those talks are on a work,photography and friend based.
There is no issue at all.but when I do fall for someone and tries to speak with them
even when we have several things in common to talk about.
I would end up with nothing or eventually coming to a point of nothingness.
My eyes wouldn't make a eye to eye contact with them.
I love looking to human eyes.they can be quite mystifying,not to mention about it being the gates to one's soul.
U can never lie to someone reads ur eye reactions.

Haha recently I tried to shut my feelings out.
Treating everyone as a friend basis.
And just look at how much things we end up talking,no stress,laughing and joking all over.
Of cos I do feel the little shadow luring nearby.
Now is never a competition anymore,never has been one to begin with.
And I am not one whose competitive over anything.
Don't don't like being the winner just to prove myself.
Sometimes being on the losing aide had it's advantage as well.

But wat some ppl don't realize is how they mKe others feel.
I just feel kinda sad when u know u like someone,
Yet u only choose to know everything about them and not notice the basic rules of love
the rules of changing urself for ur love one.
I am no lover boy ,but I know I am willing to change for the someone I love.
And making them feel who they suppose to be
And not wat u want them to be.
They aren't toys and love is never a toy.
If one were to believe that love is nothing but a board game
I would personally scold him/ her right at their face even if they are my best friend...

Photoshoot with jerrine and co

2011-07-11T06:37:00.002+08:00

It has been a fun day yesterday
Meeting out with jerrine,nico,venessa,brenda,Christopher for a to aru no railgun shoot.
Truthfully speaking this shoot is one of the better shoots I have gone for.
Considering the fact that we are really doing Cosplay photography then merely fooling around.
Haha even jerrine said that I look way too serious while shooting.
Well I do though.my daily lifestyle always give me the joker amount the joke should of feeling to everyone.
So when I really went on serious mode,most ppl is a little surprise.
I do take photography quite seriously in a sense.
It has been my dream goal after all.

One thing I am a little annoyed is the fact that
Wat I learnt mostly is from Raymond actually lol.
Comparing to yz's teaching,Dispite we do photography together
The lvl of things I learn is actually quite surfaced.
The path of learning don't just stop at a point.
It's learn and practice as much as possible.
sadly my understanding of flash photography is still quite little.
Lol I kept saying noob things like set ur shutter over 200 when that is the limit during flash photography.
I have also notice my understanding of light sensitivity between Fstop and EV is kinda diff .
I still need to train myself to and force myself to understand the shutter opening width.
DSLR isn't easily taught by just telling someone to set to a certain setting and shoot.
And for someone who would tell u to set to auto and not use aperture mode to shoot cannot be someone who can be called a teacher -.-"
Sorry I would only consider calling u someone who intro and telling u the basic of photography.
Which is Wat every cam saleman can do.

Cosfest memories ,the laughters;the whining and the snoring XD

2011-06-28T07:31:00.002+08:00

Haha I guess I should update my memory bank with this years Cosfest as well
Firstly it has definitely been a crazy holiday.
I am happy that Chester gotten a chance to join us for Cosfest chalet this year
I totally miss hanging out with this dude.
Yea hia actually my first Cosplay friend
that brought me into the wonderful world of Singapore cosplaying
I still remember the very first time I met him was
back at 2008 street fest .
After 5 years we finally reunited or another chalet haha.hopefully next year we will be able to have another
Ok maybe I will state out this years member
Haha firstly our San Baka team is there
Me ,winter and Yuezhi
The crazily lovey couple Peiqi and Swee Siang
The super high Malaysian Cosplayer ,reia,xiaoqi and Michelle
Our ever dollfie loving lao shi Ning er
Our speedster Cheeseknight Guo Qiang
And our special guest gomok Gary
And visitors during BBQ jerrine,Nicole,Brenda,and her other Cosplayer/photog friends~

This year has been another epic Cosfest chalet worth to remember.
Again as usual .will be looking forward to next year's Cosfest chalet again.
Hopefully can get a even bigger chalet this time with more ppl to fool around with~
many thx to everyone for making this gathering a happening thing in our life's again~!

still confused...

2011-06-27T17:16:00.002+08:00

haha...
wat is up with me...?
sometimes i really hate being a sentimental guy
holding on dearly to feelings and emotions so strongly
just yesterday ,or should i say this morning
i set off a barrier to ward of the feelings i am facing
yet now an sms which kinda came out of nowhere
that totally got me confused...
it was really shocking...
with qi coming out telling me i have a text from someone.
well obviously i tot it has to be something to do with the chalet fee
but in the end the msg wasnt even revolving around it?
did i cause any inconvinence? ><
sometimes it'a so weird seeing the text.
i really wish i can just approach her
and ask her if she is attach or in a mist of dating someone....
many might wonder wat actually attracted me to her...
well a few factors i guess,
i am attracted to ppl whose actually quite mysterious
have quite a a character that normal ppl dont really notice...
looks is never a big factor
but the mind and the character has to be there.

just so simultaneously just as wat event i told her of
i was invited by someone to the event.
looks like there was some discussion going on again ;x
but i am really exhausted now...
i totally knocked out while typing this blog...
that is how tired i am now...
lol much confusion and wonderous i get
it arent all too shocked as i was before .
at least this time i am prepared.
it's nice to know wat is happening around u...

Another story of a failure in the making...

2011-06-27T05:06:00.005+08:00

Haha I really wonder if this is really my residing place where I can Talk my heart out...
Knowing that it's abandon
With no one who would come and read anything here at all
Well I won't call this my little haven would I haha...

Sigh...
Actually it does seems weird...
Typing this 5 am in the morning
With everyone sleeping while I am here Emo-ing :(
Well I won't exactly say I am Emo-ing
I have gotten far worst situations then this
But everytime stupid proba resurfaces
not becos I have some real difficulty
But some lame shit that deals with the heart...

Even after being so careful this time
I still fail to notice that an untouchable has appeared...
6 month and all I slowly tried to find out about her
And making sure that it wasn't another taboo...
And that nothing will even be surface around ppl I know...
In the end not only was it someone I knew
But someone close as well...

I have never expected him to be actually chasing her ...
Afterall watever he did is just so uniquely him.
That is wat he would do to anyone he met.
Whether the far past, past,recently or even up till now...
It's was so totally same?

I guess wat I accidentally found out was only recently
Where he was msging her on the hotel thing.
Where something's were totally unheard-of
At first I still wasnt too sure if it's just mere chatting and stuff
Well I am pretty quiet at times
The fact that I treat ppl whose friends and those whom I am interested in kinda a weirdly inverse way.
By natures I should have treated friends in a less close and openly jokeful way
And treat those whom one would consider liking vice versa
But instead i would end up that way.
It's really stupid cos not many ppl can understand this part if me
That's why I cant go around consulting ppl about my probs

The only diff is that things are done with more then 100%
of my effort .
Haha it was kinda crazy as well .
The the parody of how the world fools with ur feeling by inserting
An anime with a perfectly sad and cryable setup
That totally let's me let go my feeling with a good excuse for an escape
And yet I took no chances at abusing the tears.
On the outside it's a soap opera
Buy deep inside , it was really kinda a torture.

Wow... I have been typing nonstop for the past 30 min
Yet i haven't even stop.
Well things kinda grows a bit off the top when I tried to do some soul searching
So I went off outside .away from the crowd to do some soul searching .
Found out that things seems to fit in more and more sensibly .
It wasn't about trying to reject or avoiding
But the gate of the soul has already been opened
And it's not wat it seems at all.
Only did I found out I have again accidentally fell into a landmine
Where I fail to find out properly the background of someone...

This is really sick that I have self deceived myself into thinking that
They were just friends...
So I would definitely backout on this...
Not because I am scare but because it is t right of me to begin with...
So yea .wOnt be seeing me looking around for some time.
I need to recover from the shock I for wat has happened
And forget about everything that has happened
It shouldn't have existed ,shouldn't have even appeared at all...
Tml is another new day.the erasing start right after this blog.
There would be no more feeling .not even jealousy....

a beautiful world

2010-09-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

a blink of an eye
the world have yet again changed
may it be work life or personal life
has anyone being in a situation where u know u are doing urt best
yet ur best isnt the best at all?

hmmmm well i bet everyone do
pretty hard to explain myself on this
but to me working is all about genuine productivity whenever needed
licking the apple of a higher order isnt my style at all
yet the world is just as real as it is
sucking up to ur boss is one of the only way to get u on t he road

not like i care anyway lol
arent gonna suck up any balls rofl
anyway apart from the corporate jungle story
i have finally took my first step into a dream i long back when i was a kid

yes photography.
finally i got my hand on a D-SLR cam
and going for any chance to improve myself in it
so far i am still having my lapse of the Dcam syndrome lol
being too relying on live view as well as the quick to pick function
that dcams offer
has left me with more things to hands on then any photogs i have known so far
despite the knowledge of a mind picture
playing around with aperture and shutter speed is still a challenge
thank god that i have supports coming from all over
with that i greatly improve my DSLR usage skills greatly
not to mention reading the manual as if it's a bible lol.

everything is worth it
i have longed for this day to come
and finally it has
not gonna miss a chance in my life again~

cant sleep.and so troubled...=\

2010-08-31T02:08:00.004+08:00

sigh since i am unable to slp now
i might as well do some self talking here and there *sigh*
the whole day i have been troubled all around
i can feel changes all over which i cant get accustomed to yet
after the handing over of the work project to the new company
it all seems too unease with the new workforce

having to deal with new ppl and stuff
really gets me moving in the wrong direction
communication hasnt been my strongest point these days
not being able to convey myself to others
has made me feel all so hard to project myself

well i have always been a loner in a sense
soloing and doing my work individually is my strong point
having ppl looking over me seems a bit out of my place
i guess i found this flaw of mine back when i was trying to show others how good i am
instead of being good,i failed worst then i anticipated

so from then on i notice that proving to others on my ability isnt me at all
yes i do accept guidance and learning together
but having to either be a teacher or working in groups kinda made the worst out of me
geez...i never expect that small trauma back then could spark of such a big impact

i miss the daring me back then
danger isnt part of my fear
nowadays i just feel that i am bind by
my own fear of not living up to others expectation

it's really sickening actually
the fact that i am a deep thinker as well
though i dont react fast enough
but giving a duration ,a puzzle of any difficulty is break down to 1s and 0s bits
i being tearing and judging on someone after sometimes
and see deep into wat the kind of person one might be
and that really drives me in a mood for silence....

nowsadays topic fell short with replies
i can hardly really talk to anyone as well
knowing watever i talk could eventually turn against me
sweet talk? >.>
intellectual speech? <,<
silence? ^-^

the smarts talk is the speech of silence
but the loneliest one it is as well
i dont even know how to say
how are u feeling?,are u feeling well? or even take care of urself
geez i sure have fallen into a dark pit not knowing when i would really stop falling.
though i know there are ppl who are genuine in concern
but i cant bring myself to really thank them
or return them the feeling.

but wat i know is .
i never wanna be in debt to anyone
cos i never like oweing or owning anyone
why some might ask
well... eventually things can turn around and back fires at u

i prefer to be in a neutral in this chaotic world
why have the world crumble to such tragic momentum?
humans are just dark and evil...too dark to continue to live on the world

blah watever it's 2.45am now and yet i am only feeling a tint of doziness
i guess i will need to reflect on the times that's gonna come.
and how to deal with the individuals that are gonna come towards me
i really should learn to be more bad and evil
then a honest and friendly person
geez...but it's just me ,i dont have the heart to be bad.
or might it be t hat i dont have the guts to be bad?
hmmmmmm......i wonder....

3.13am...
geez still cant slp
looks like i might lost my slp tonite
so much things happening today
too many thoughts in my mind now
work,family,money and many other personal matters.
i cant believe today is one of my rainny days
where i can again get troubled

haha...it's just so had to talk to anyone this probs
so much misery yet i am silently carrying a fake smile facing the world alone
i guess the next thing i will touch on is office politics
the current work i am dealing with involves having a contract with a main company and a sub company
but the funny thing is
this main company is both from t he same family of company
aka sister companies
with the same higher management
both company fought each other like rivals

yea i wonder is this even called a friendly competition at all
in the end it's nothing but a "Paramid selling" symptoms
hmmm was it called again?...
ah yes hierarchy monotropy
where the top will always earn the most and gain the best
the lower hierarchy will be the "slaves"
fighting each other in favour for the "love"

wat has the world come to?
hacing to deal with something like this all over
really made me feel all so annoyed and sad at the same time
so i guess i have the right to hate mankind
hiding the real u in order to save urself the harm
is that really a must ?
a modern world survivor pack skill
something which i really do not enjoy looking and experiencing
but i guess there isnt many in the world which shares this thought of mine.

my oh my...
this post has gotten a bit too long and draggy
and too dark and emoish as well
i dislike being a emo
but being emotional is just part of my character
i guess as long as i dont bring the world that feeling
it should be fine

"a smile for the others
is a hidden tear shed within myself"

how long can i make the world happy till the day i lay by the very earth
that gave birth to me?
i dont know...i really dont...
not intending to find out as well...

staying in the past...

2010-07-06T18:56:00.002+08:00

hmmm suddenly feel like blogging something lol.
recently i found out that i kinda like to dwell in the past,
looking back on memories
it's not that the future isnt anything worth looking for
or the present is nothing special.

i just find there are golden times that ppl tend to forget that kinda saddens one.
everyone prefer to look into wat they have now and wat they earn.
forgetting the hard work and fun they use to have.
the tough times where one would need help from another.
or the competitive reason for improving oneself.

maybe it's just human nature that we dont dwell on a certain period.
the driving force that cause ppl to change themselves to a totally new person.
it could have been singapore's fast moving pace
or personal reason to change.
but i guess i am not the type that love changes afterall.
i am feeling myself wasting off.
losing many parts of me....

wish i can find the lost me again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

just went for cosfest chalet not too long ago
it's a dejavu of 2 years ago
but this time the dejavu is a good one
with all the cutoff scene of all the unwanted parts

but somehow or rather i feel strange
i am getting some feeling of a few ppl giving a
wierd return feeling back to me
my 3rd sense tells me that i should investigate
on why those few ppl looked over to me in a not so friendly way lol

it's funny .i dont really talk to them anymore
since i got busy with my own life and stuff
kinda got the feeling started during streetfest lol.

no matter if i got a chance i will face wat i should face.
and see wat it's all about lol
all in all the chalet was fun.
3 BBQs in 2 days is wow WTFBBQ xD

hope next year will be just as good.

just like the story of the "little prince"...

lalala tired ...

2010-05-11T21:14:00.002+08:00

arg my fingers hurt and i am feeling kinda exhausted lol
yea doing some clearing odd jobs for some cash
zzz really need to get a fix job for money
so many things i need to buy
and so little money to buy ><

let's see a DSLR came
still considering which one i need

a lappy or a new desktop
trust me i really need it zzz
auto shut down + ram prob is driving me crazy

a new Yukata
LOL yea i wanna get another!
wanted to get that for quite a long time yet i didnt have a chance to get 1 ><

lol i think i should make a wish list on my blog to remind me of it =\
but these days i hardly log on to the net =\
a bit lazy.donno want to do as well ><
kinda miss mixing around with the cosplay friends =\
but i guess time changes so does commitment between them and their love ones
o well u can have friends for urself forever =\
we dont own them xD

Iron man 2 Movie

2010-05-01T01:13:00.004+08:00

XD once againiron man has strike town and hit singapore again.
and it's hitting the box office hard !
went with my friends to watch the movie today
and it was loaded with actiob pack and humours
that keeps u tummy rolling!

lol apart from tony stork's "flirting" personality that made the laugh
the fight was quite a blast
but there was many slow point on explaining the past
but all fixes in to build up a more exciting ending

but i think wat i like best in this iron man movie wasnt the lead
i mean as in the machine wise
finally that made Warmachine look more like ...Warmachine! xD
yea i guess he finally got some recognition
but yea i still cant forget the part about his freak "Super misslie" gig xD
got me laughing nonstop xD

all in all gotta love this movie XD

Maid cafe : Akibanana

2010-04-10T00:38:00.002+08:00

haha today sure was a heck if a experience as wel finally went to the other maid cafe in singapore
Akibanana

sure took us a while to find it though
after following winter on his gps journey to the west in search of the cafe
we finally made our way there going through the back alleys
passing all the restaurants
with our hungry stomach growling at us
passing though those restaurant was a torture
but all the waiting paid off as we finally found it

when we first made our way into the cafe
all was lost as we fell into a deep pink of kawaii-ness
with plush toys and pink curtain
the girlish fantasy world soon got us surrounded

but we were greeted by some enthusiastic maid waitresses
we started our food fiesta with a starter drinks
with fancy names and interesting way of presenting the drinks
it soon became a loads of fun

Gummy bear - soda pop with gummy within it
giving it a fizzy and sweet taste that drives ppl crazy

and there are some other s drinks that we tried as well
but i cant really remember all t he names
of cos i will be doing a full review once i go there for the 2nd time with yz and the others ;D

but here are some of the photos i took of the food and drinks :D
if anyone is more then interested to check them out you can go over to their webby for more info^^

http://www.akibanana.com/?q=node/972/

our appetizer dishes before we went for the main course

come come curry rice (:o i pronounced it as kome kome kuri raisu apparently i was wrong xD)

their recent specialty the Obaachan no magical soup set
((You gotta try this dish xD the soup is strongly favoured for the tastebugs and a "animation"
before u have ur food =x)

so stay tune to the full report of the cafe oncei have all the photos updated~

The promise day

2010-03-25T00:06:00.002+08:00

a promise has been dragging on one day after another
yes i am referring to removing of eso
about 2 weeks ago or even a month ago i was planning to remove eso from my com
but 1 day after another i held on the hope that someone who i game my promise to
would do it before me
one after another my friends left
but i see no reason of wat i was hoping for
my existance towards in is really kinda insignificiant at all
why would i hold on to the only knot that tied me down between me and that devilish game?

one after another i cut the knot from them and tying them back from msn and email
knowing that is the best way to really quit the addiction from that game
the only way one was to quit is from drama or strong perseverance
the hardest way is to bond urself with friends u know inside
that is always the reason for not being able to quit

but today even i ,myself got sick of this waiting
as much as i can see i will predict that there wouldnt be a quitting even after the promised day
so i am gonna be a savor of myself and remove wat has cause and know as a bad habit
as much as i feel t he pain to leave her
i dont see the point of wasting myself over something that wont happen
knowing true happiness is to know when to let go
when u go head on with something that isnt worth and wont go anywhere at all
u will earn urself nothing but a empty hollowness within
there are more ppl i wanna meet
many things i wanna do
different places i wanna visit
i wont get tied down anymore

in the end i posted this quote i have put in my msn

anata no yakusoku wo hata suno darou ka?
ware ware wo sanshou shite shinakereba nara nai

i am the last person to laugh at myself and at the foolishness for all this
but in the end i learnt another valuable lesson that wasnt taught from my family
but a experience on my own.
i wish i have gain these experience earlier...
sigh o well that's my life i guess

sleeping time screw up ...

2010-03-24T02:02:00.003+08:00

arg donno why but these days i just cant seems to slp early anymore
i use to restrict myself to slp latest 3am
but it seems now i can get to slp without the clock hitting 5am =\
and it kinda kills me in the morning x.x
gotta tune up my internal clock again ><

just a few days more till the cosplay summit would be up and hosted in west coast plaza.
i wonder why did they suddenly choose to host in such a discreed place
considering that it's a big event
wont they have a higher chance of getting central areas or even carrefour convention halls?
lol i wonder how in the world did WCP get the power to win a chance for a event to be held there xD
anyway i hope it's not a flop lol

Movie review : Alice in wonderland

2010-03-14T23:32:00.003+08:00

many might wonder wat's the point of watching a childhood story based movie
well here's a big boom boom for u
the story isnt about the little alice anymore
it's about a teenage version of alice
having her problems in being herself
wonderland has once again open up her wonders
in the ability of believing that there is nothing impossible in life

the story moves from her being in the real world having to face all the ppl
that wanted to make decision for everything she needs to do or be
becos of that she slowly didnt believe in herself
the once child "alice" of her
as she jouney back into the wonderland
she slowly gains her believe that
wondering isnt just a dream
but a re-live of her past memories

the movie consist of many inspiring quotes
that gives motivation to anyone who feel lost and indecisive
a must watch comedy with lost of brave and sad moments to set ur motion going

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
having watched alice in wonderland
it made me think so much as well
having to be controlled and do watever ppl say
not beliving in myself
there was a part where the blue catapillar said that was quite an eye opener

"i said u arent quite alice..but now u are close to being alice..
wat holds to be the true alice is wat are gonna do next"

it wasnt quite wat blue catepillar said but somewhere there
well when alice first came back
she didnt believe she was able to slay the dragon "Jabberwocky"
to do wat u think u cant
do wat a crazy thinking
everyday wake up and think of 6 impossible things that can actually happen..
and if they are able to happen
why wont u have the courage to do watever u think u cant?

i would watch that show in 3D again if i can find my contacts or get a new one
a inspiring show like that is worth watching again

grrrr ABCDXYZ!!!!

2010-03-13T23:26:00.002+08:00

zzz if there is a alphabet way of expressing how piss i am now
i would certainly score 100/100 for it >.>
time after time all the argument involve around that freaking eso and emo
>.> i am starting to feel as if i am a puppet

zzz wat's with the commotion
i can understand achieving certain goals
that was why i hope to help
but one after another new goals kept arising
that was not wat i was planning -.-

i planned to help achieve those goal as much as possible
then i will 100% quit the game damn so i can have a normal life again
all i can say is i know the path she took is gonna be almost like mine
not even bother to explain how the path is like arg -.-

now i seems to get blame over kinda everything
i think i really need to do some action to this
it's either eso go or i will go key siao
cos of eso i arent able to do my stuff,
cant do my work due to lag
cant access net
but no one understands it.
so screw that emo if he has like a god gifted com that can access multi client
the hell with it
i already manage to break all ties from eso so that i can quit
the last tie i left was my promise
i really dont wanna stay in eso any longer
not in a game that i have already know it serve the demon
zzz i shouldnt have inspire her to stay
same for some others
eso is a demonic game zzzz

hmmm wat have i gain ?

2010-03-13T02:12:00.003+08:00

been coughing the whole day
really hate the feeling of sickness
makes me weak all over
had to stop my exercises these few days
someone i know is sick as well =\
but it seems she is always insisting on wat she wanna do ><

i wish i can somehow unplug her power for a day or 2
so that she can rest and stuff
it's hard for everyone to really keep up with the hectic persuit of that eso
i wondered myself
am i doing the right thing to really help her to keep achieving her goal?
not that i dont like to though

just that the more i helped
the more she insist on pushing herself more...
today i kinda helped her again
everything was fine and stuff
no death to her cave farmers
i just dont understand how her char just suddenly died
when emo checked lol
how coincidental can it be?
for the whole day nothing has happened
until he log on?
lol that's kinda funny though but blah wat can i say?
maybe it was really lucky bah
i log out then after a certain time they all died

lol not like i am trying to gain glory in that
i help for the sake of achieving her goal to quit
not becos the game isnt fun or that i am quitting
it just makes me feel pain seeing her staying up so late just for a game
and pushing herself to wake up in the middle of her slp just for a boss

i mean wow yes 5~10 min of raid.
but that's like a disruption for a sweet resting time...
maybe i am too concern about her RL then her VR
though i all i get back was."i told u i wanted to do it..."

am i bad to really care for her that way?
horoscope said that there are times i have to say no just to help someone...
but i am too soft hearted when it comes to doing something for someone who...beepbeep

i just logged out feeling a bit sad earlier
i donno if she feels sadden cos i wasnt doing wat she really wanted
lol i dont think i can blame my comp for being lousy i guess lol
not being able to log so many clients
and check + farm zzz
blah...the world is crumbling on my head and i am getting buns all over x.x

cosplay summit is in 20 days time
cosfest is in 3 months time
and i am not even getting ready for my photography mood
this is really bad
i am letting a game ruining my life zzzz
need to get my life back from eso
hobby>eso GO DIE ESO!zzz

fallen sick...

2010-03-10T09:25:00.002+08:00

recently the weather has been bad..
unknowingly i fell into the preying claws of the flu and fever
annoyingly that totally drained my energy from wanting to do anything
sigh even as i am typing now
my fingers feel numb and i feel as if my whole body is falling apart

i donno wat i am trying to believe now
recently i have pop myself a lot of whys
why cant i face my fears
why cant i just take the first step
and why cant i be as daring as i use to be?

maybe it's due to rejection as well as failure
i know i have a positive energy within me somewhere
it has never affected me this much before
"great intelligence really leads all reality endlessly and pitifully annoyingly involving nothing..."

sorry it's a random ranting
dont mind me
i just wish my sickness to go away soon
starting to get sick of everything now...

tired as it is...

2010-03-07T11:06:00.002+08:00

sigh -.-
sometimes it's so hard for others to understand between having to have a life
and having to help someone
i wish i can just tell out how i feel at times.
typing communication is always so misunderstanding...
the thing about having to miss out info here and there
makes communication breakdown easier

i promised myself to break off from a game as there was too much drama involve
and i dont wanna associate with some ppl in that game
i mean it's not like everyone is bad
but the addiction when u are tied down from ppl u know
made the game harder to quit

and here i am still tied down by it
i mean of cos i love helping.
but i cant tell something in myself that
there are things becos of that game
i am actually ended up having more quarrels
well maybe i might be at fault too
but to fight over a game...
sigh...

recently i have began lurking around facebook more
since i cant do much
got addicted in a clicking game
it's almost like mmo
but without graphic
almost like having to imagine the world around u
with wat u read
missed out blogging so much again cos of the game too zzz

need to prioritize myself and get back on my feet
i hope i dont have to come to the last resort of having to stop my feelings
i dont wanna just involve myself between a game
and only talk about it and not other stuff...
that's not the feeling i hope to feel
how do i convey this over to the special someone?
maybe that was why i kept having miscommunication..
sigh...

and i know from her stage currently
she is going throught wat i am having now...
quitting is not gonna happen anytime till a drama happens...
but i dont wanna be offensive to tell her that><
the only reason why ppl quit one after another is mostly after drama happens
arg i regret coming to this game!!!
wasted 1 year of my life...

love is being cruel,love is being selfish?

2010-03-03T22:26:00.002+08:00

lol funny topic to start with isnt it
to love someone u have to be cruel at times
and to love someone u have to be selfish as well?
this is something most ppl will think about
in order for us to really help someone we like
we have to first learn to be cruel to them

no i dont mean beating the buns out of them
wat i meant is,if they really didnmt wanna do something
but they are force to do so
one would have to refrain them from doing unless it is something that cant be helped
giving up something u like or trying to pick up something u know that u dont like
is a way of sacrificing for the love of someone
but nevertheless,never ever over do it
know ones limit,when u over do it,
it's more like having no self dignity upon urself
and u are merely nothing but a puppet

and why do we say love is being selfish?
we give the best to the ones we love
followed by 2nd graded stuff to the ones we like
follow by the rest to those we adore/friends

balancing between loving someone and friends around is important
when u have nothing in the world but them alone
the world crumbles when the bond between both starts to break down
but being fake to urself is also a silly way of self denial
trying to make friend only to show that u have friends
are in no diff similiar to wat has mention above

be true to urself and be true to everyone else
and eventually everyone will be truthful to u
a trust is not brought from gifts
it's gain from time and trust

once bitten , twice shy
i have learn to love myself more
cos only if i love myself will i be able to love others around me
i still remember my motto
to make a smiling world
it's a hard motto to keep up
but i will never forget that promise i made
i will just keep trying in everywhere i can

and hope that i can gain more experience from everyone i meet
alias time is short
to everyone who was wishing for a time machine
we are a time machine ourselves
we continue to make a better future
but we cant change the past
so keep the past as a lesson to learn and change the future

may everyone be bless with the peace and serenity of a peaceful nite
Oyasumi nasai minna san
gambarimasu!

a weird dream

2010-03-02T09:50:00.003+08:00

finally the race is reaching near the finish line
did 4 ranch nonestop today in eso to help a friend achieve her goal
before i officially quit
back then i wasnt ready to fully quit as yet till the puppies send to us
yes the wedding pet happyhappy

originally,this pet was suppose to bring me much joy in having
as i longed to get this pet as it's cute
and someone had the same thought of it
but torn apart between a false reality,
many thing changed from that point on

wat was supposingly friendliness,
became a hell bonded hound released without a warning
while the ferocious lion
began to be tamed and closer

contradicting isnt it .
but yea that's life
as someone lit my candle and enlighten me with a fool's knowledge
was i the jerk that has caused a bleeding heart to turn black?
as i recall the past time while i was chatting
traces of clues led me to think that i am the one...

if u strip all my clothings and left me bare naked
u will see the truth and real me

tick tock tick tock
as the clock slowly reaching 3am
my tiring body draws me nearer to log off and slp

i guess regrets will not be tolerated anyway..
with only me and my little haven here
i would reside and quietly saying i am sorry till the day u forgive me...
wonder when will 1 sorry be ever heard.

things are for sure i wont let anything hinder my plans
the timer has started
past will be the past
the future is wat i am looking at now
gambarimasu Yu-chan

today i woke up to a weird dream
maybe i can somehow plot it into a story base on it

it all started from a school campus...
i shared a room with 2 gals
1 look kinda familiar
but i am not gonna say who
anyway the 3 of us are kinda likea mystery solving buddies
i recalled in the earlier part of the dream we solved a case of a robbery or something
and got to be famous from it
a few detectives were involve as well
a cool,quiet guy who spots flaws where no one did
the other is a rowdy active guy

during the 2nd case,
the case of a drug trafficking
this is a bit more exciting
we followed a suspect a hideout near a Egyptian like tomb
the inspectors are already on his tail as well
as he entered it
he frantically search for a bag containing the drugs
when he found it he was overjoyed
but it was short victory as we grubbed the bag and ran off
feeling furious that guy chased us

as we run up a platform it kinda shaked a little
but little do we know wat is install for us
these are small Egyptian traps laid down by the ancients
the floor begain to gave way
as the sand slowly flows down below
we continued running for our lifes
suddenly a inspector appeared and kicked that guy away
torn between having to chase us or being caught
he being to fight his way over the inspector
it last for a while when that guy lose his balance and fell down
he was cushioned by the sand
still that fall knocked him out
and eventually he was caught

lol strange dream isnt it
wasnt able to get all the details as it was kinda blurry
oh well so much for a dream that woke me up LOL!

got tired...so tired...

2010-03-01T10:11:00.000+08:00

starting to get tired of everything
from seeing good friends torn apart
to myself being in a drama
wat's with this damn game?
i am glad i am quitting soon
i was suppose to quit though lol
but i stayed on to fulfil someone's goal
once she is done i would just remove eso away from my system
she still has a pet to finish but i wonder if i can really last that long to help her with that
i have already started distancing myself from the ppl i know inside
no becos they are bad or anything
i just fear that i will be tied down by friendship inside again

that was the main reason why i stayed in eso for that long
i have never really played a game this long before except RO
moreover this game is a drama game to begin with
not that i didnt know or anything lol

kinda send a mail with somethings a friend needed
i didn't expect a reply of ty at all
after all we were both having cold war
despite it might mean nothing
but a small reply from someone who ignored u even when they saw u
is a bit heartwarming
but i donno how long will this cold war last
just wish it would just end it
cos i still miss the days where we actually chatted
miss the companionship that u gave me

i just want things to go back as it is
if only a time machine exist...
if only it does...

a trip into the flea market

2010-02-28T15:04:00.002+08:00

when we think of singapore
wat is t he first thing to begin with?
"owww singapore, let's head downtown and have a shopping spree"
but is that the only place which is well known to go?
yes well for those who loves spending money
buying stuff or looking at expensive fashion wear then it's a good place to head to

but yea there is a flip side in singapore too
yes i am talking about the flea market in singapore
but be aware not to wear fancy wears or thick clothings
if not u might end up cooked by the sun up above

many a times we only thing about wat's good in life for ourselves
but never really thing about how others feels
we take everything for granted and abuse wat ever resource we have
in human natural
it comes between having to find for someone
or to use someone for fill our needs
both exist to fill each other's place in life

but many a time
the one who seeks for another is the one who will ended up losing ourselves t o them
they found ur use and kept u by their side till u are of no use to them
they would sell u off in a flea market
ironically, the ones who are being used knew about it... yet they didnt stop themself..
funny how life works isnt it.
one thing we will never figure out.
maybe we would,when we end up destorying ourselves that is...

love ,seduction and sex

2010-02-27T17:10:00.002+08:00

ever wonder how 1 can be attracted with each other?
from finding the darkest secret of loving someone
and being with the inner character of the person u love

to a nite out in the pub finding for a fling

or just a nite out in the wild swinging

but if we put all factors together
we will come back to a single point for everyone
being lonely and the desire for companionship

we long for someone to fill be close to our heart
we go in search for them in anyway so that we wont fill empty
but in the end when we found out that the one we really one
isnt the one we are looking for we moved on
fluctuation and passing feelings that we wanted

everyone needs them from time to time
but when it comes to really loving someone
wat we really want is for a special someone to unlock our heart
the secret that we dont wise others to know
some even uses this this special talents to trick gals into having sex with them
a dangerous skill that is both well received yet cruel
but in the end to really love someone is to find ways to know them from within...
kokoro no yume ,anata mienai...

drip drip drip went the water droplets...

2010-02-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

it's funny when it comes to love and relationships
one week u can calling the special someone darling
only to find out that u dont understand them at all the very next week
wat has the world become of?

maybe i am being too traditional
a stereotype of person where to me,
love is somewat of a commitment
something we look upon and to love
to bare a part of a soul mate with someone else

but coming back to the issue of feeling today
communication plays a very big part in any relationship as well as other life factors
but wat causes us to prevent that from happening?
would be ;

fear of hurting someone's feeling
indecisiveness within ourselves
being afraid of the truth behind the truth

but many a times ppl would either use a forceful denial
by cutting themselves off from the other party
in order to lessen the chance of being asked on issues like these
a clear cut ignoring is a man's powerful tool of denial
yet it's a cruelsome cut to another's pride and feeling.
but not many are bothered with it anyway
well afterall we are born selfish
we all fear t he pain that ruins our lives
so before that happens we push the pain over to the other party

protecting ourselves from that feeling
it's really hard for a circle like this to break
but the key to success and understanding dont come from ur dalay actions
but from thing thing one can chat about
to slowly know more about the world

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lol i dont understand why i ended up with this pic but yea now my room officially have another chivas 18years~
gotta love this
nothing beats a shot of hard liquor to wash the world away ~

a sin that cant be forgiven

2010-02-24T22:41:00.002+08:00

yet again i have pricked another needle upon a fragile doll
i wonder why am i a failure when it comes to facing ppl
maybe my sin is too much for a meer forgiveness from someone
to a extend that it makes it feel like the world has came tumbling down on me
i blame no one but myself
for my lack of communication,
my ability to convey my msg to others
ever since i played eso.
i feel myself losing my true self each and everyday
it's like a wow addiction

from the day i had some miscommunication with a friend of mine.
i have been noticing wat about my alertness and other factors
and i found out that my sense of alertness has dropped dramatically

i tend to misunderstand watever ppl said
giving myself a lot of wrong info and getting others annoyed over me
even as i was smsing a friend of mine i found myself reading the msg wrongly.
it was clearcut to the core yet i can misread it

it has never happened to me before
i guess it must have been all the late nites i was having playing eso
it has really affected my life by a lot
i know the reason why i stayed on.
i truthfully know but i really need to do something about it
this cannot go on.

for that i have decided
even when when i havent receive my pet and stuff
i am gonna officially quit ESO as of today.
once i have settled the accts i will just remove the game off my cpu
and get on with my life

i already told myself once the story of the stargazer and gutan
i will make a decision
and that will mean i will have to decide and keep to that decision
may it be a correct choice or not
i have done wat i suppose to do so far.
so now is the time for me to fuifill my promise to myself

the feeling of a Tamago

2010-02-24T17:04:00.003+08:00

Everyone is has a egg within ourselves
one that is of a pureness within
Our dreams,feelings ,and many other memories feels up this egg
slowly we created ourselves
a beautiful alter-ego of a perfect self

but many a times we are clouded with feelings and sadness
that slowly corrode this egg of ourselves
turning it into a negative energy that force use to turn away from our goals
i guess to some anime lovers : Shugo chara is a well known anime
old but still worth a lot of meaning within
but it's not wat i am referringtoday
it's the real world that i am referring to

ppl who are affected by feeling after they were expose to the true nature of someone
as i was talking to another friend about feelings and when 2 guy approached her with a confession
i abruptly think about stuff that had happen to me as well
funny thing is,this gal has the same situation as wat have occured before similarly
the plot is the same,except the cast of the story
it makes one wonder if feelings are worth expressing out to ppl u like
or do ppl just enjoy being praised without a reason?
maybe it's due to past experience that have cause these ppl to reject reality
and fear the cause of pain and hurt.

as i was reading something interesting online
"one rejects the love of someone as well as a sweet talk even when they like them
due to the fear of getting someone they like hurt and in the end
causing a end to a uneventful start of nothingness"

interesting isnt it,
hasnt been a while since i read stuff like these
since the day i locked my heart with with a lock size of a huge border
feelings to me are just emotions that will cause hurt and suffering
which somehow proves itself to wat it is.

i guess there is something called silent love.
loving without showing//feeling//having
but seriously why bother to love when u cant even show affection to someone at all?

i miss the days where chatting with the someone without having to feel a restriction
the feeling of the world has no end
even when we know it will end someday
wat can i refer that as?
crush on someone? liking someone? loving someone?
or similiar just a natural thing that both party feels
that have already left in the corner of the street
infested by rats and roaches...

and btw i still never have the will power to let go
i just let it drift in the empty void hoping that u can hold it back again...
quietly waiting for ur return..

The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With winds of hope and disspair even then
and the blooming of spring flowers
A new year bearing new dreams for everyone has once again returned
Yu ze spent his blissingful life with Fei er
even though times were rough
with many misunderstanding and difference
they still gathers together
smiles and laughter are always never far from them

but even then Yu ze still feel a emptiness within himself
he often lies within his room looking out in the window
thinking about a certain someone that he longed years ago
knowing that even though
they were a thing of the past
and they are never meant to be togetherr
still he wise and hope that miracle will happen.

days past by 1 after another
Yu ze patience grew wary from the contant ranting
and comparison between him and others

he still rememebers the days
where he stared upon the stars in the nite
with the images of Gutan
his heart swells with aches and pain
and a longing that he would never reach....

"My humanly body might be here on the mortal world
but my heart and soul has already long gone to where you are
hoping that one day u will pick me up and hold me close to urs..."

(ends.. )

vivo city exhibition

2010-02-21T20:06:00.001+08:00

went to vivo today and man... how much have i miss these days at home
santosa's having a lighting exhibitiom near the merlions.
i could have gone there to take photos and stuff
damn wasted my time playing a stupid online game

anyway i am only stayin for a while more.
soon i will be quitting
anyway here are some of the photos i took of the event

The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Da chi,the one ofthe 4 heavenly Guard decended upon Yu ze mansion in search of Gutan
many earthly days has pasted in comparasion to a mere 1 day in the heaven
Gutan was once again summon by the heavens again to return
even though the days in the mortal world was nothing she has feel before
she is still overjoyed to return.
taking upon Da chi's hand they left again upon the sky
leaving Yu ze a sense of dispair again..
after so many years in search for her
she is still left without a trace of feeling...
Yu ze feel nothing but remorse for putting in the feeling he have felt so deeply for her
he faded away into the shadows of his mansion again...

Fei er, a attractive yet mysterious lady came into the town where Yu ze lives
a woman whom has came from another city in search of a new home
due to her town being destroyed from the war.
although she is a woman of great beauty but she bares doubts and confuse from the war

as both Yu ze and Fei er walked across the bridge
crossing each others path a spark of aura unknown to others but the both of them arised
not long after they met
they are able to talk to almost anything in the world

but little does Yu ze knows that Fei er isnt just an ordinary woman
she is actually the daugther of a rich art merchant
and many seeks for her love and hand in marriage
but she rejected them all.
untill her father decided to force a marriage onto her
A war General by the name of Yue men had took fancy of her beauty
since the first time he saw her father's personal collection of her protrait
and has ever since pressured Fei er and his father with all sorts of ways to get to her
dispite Fei er's hatral on him ,she still has no choice
but to accept him as someone close in order to protect his father...

the crash of the uneventful struggle of possession came in
leaving Fei er with feeling of dispair and sadness...

"If one is to love for the sake of love
and the other is to protect for the sake of love,
i would rather not choose and end myself not taking any choices at all..."

(to be continued...)

An angel's wings for an angel's heart?

2010-02-20T13:45:00.002+08:00

Nothing beats having a friend over for visits
yea Yz came over around the evening for a visit.
meh heard his DSLR len went crazy =\
sad>< i really love his cam lol~
took great photos with it
my photography skills improved most from his assistance and guidiance
yea photography is a powerful skill where many moments are capture in a snap of a shot
i use to remember when i was young
i used to fiddle with my father's ancient cam
and i use to buy snapshot cams to take photos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

as time pass by
i get less and less passive over wat i think
but i guess silence is always best and meant for it to be that way
1 heart = 1 mind = 1 soul = 1 love
a person can never have 2 heart.
cos that's how humans are made
i dont really care how things go now
i am locking my feelings up once again
that seems like the best way it would be

but i am starting to feel slightly better now
as i slowly think about stuff in my life
and not getting affect by ppl around me
i feel myself again
the true me
happy when i am happy sad when i am sad
my life is like a cosine rule
and i enjoys it
it's not a angel's wing that i want
it's a angel's heart...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After years of fierce-some battles
many glories arise
many downfall came into light
nevertheless one after another.
peace beings to settle down
mortals began building up wat was destroy during the war
many soldiers has sacrificed themselves
but the decease has gain glory

Yu ze on the other hand was so busy with looking out for the sighs of the stars
he never had a chance to really look into his dreams and feelings
as time passed he slowly feel less obessess with the feeling of Gutan

As he moves on around doing his reading in the forest
he heard a tump in the bushes
there he saw someone who he has never expected to see
there lies Gutan wounded from a ambush
all restless and flinching
Yu ze carried her back to his mansion
and days after days they spent times together as
Yu ze looked after her tending to her needs
the feeling of joy came rushing into his mind

there he felt.a feeling he had once forgot..
a feeling he once longed so much for...
a secret which he has never expose .
yet now he was able to show it out without saying...

"With the blessings of the heaven,
the stars and the moon
my true heart has came back to me
once again i feel blessed with the blooming of the peach blossom."

woke up with a throbbing heart....

2010-02-19T08:37:00.003+08:00

feeling really restless now..
heart is beating so fast and i donno wat is the cause of it
well maybe i do
maybe i just cant accept the fact that i have destroyed something
that i really long to have but was too scare to ask
becos i am afraid that in return i will not get wat i really wanted
i remember i told a friend recently
no matter how far apart both ppl is
as long as u love each other
nothing can stop u from doing wat u want
give it all u got to love her and him

eventually both got together as a couple
even with all the hardship
but even when i adviced them...
i, myself didnt advice myself to do wat i really wanted
i feared that if i say out the truth.
i might not get wat i really hope for
so i kept asking ....kept asking..
.till i was slapped on my face due to my persistance

haha...i am stupid isnt it...
i can only say out my feeling in here yet i dare not face the world...
wat a coward i am...
if time were to turn back.
i would have left eso and joined kungfu like wat i said in eso....
and those were the truth...
it was never a lie .
if not i wont have feel so bad up till now...
is this really wat i want?
i have 4 more days to think this through...
for now as much as i still wanna persist on.i restrain myself
i will look into my heart
and see how i really feel.
when the time is right i will have to do the correct decision
to leave....or to stay....
cos it's not the game that i long for...
it's the real companiship that i really long for....

The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Days gone by like rivers and stream
flowing and waiting for noone
every nite Yu ze will not miss a chance to see Gutan doing her rounds
drifting around busying with wat a fairy should be doing
her smile always revolves around Hartu when ever they talked

Yu ze knew he was nothing compare to Hartu.
afterall they are both celestia bodies
whereas his nothing but a mere mortal
no matter how he long for he will never reach for the stars...

eventually Yu ze got married to a sweet wife; Fayizhen
and quietly and happily settled down
nevertheless he still didnt forget Gutan inside his heart
still longs that one day...just one day his wish will come true

-------------------------------------------------------

years pass by a war broke out between the heaven and hell
demons run amok the earth
causing chaos and driving fears in many's life
the heaven and earth was driven to beyond it's limit
so heavenly guards were sent to search for talents in the mortals
fine warriors,witty tacticians and fortellers
are summoned to the heavens to assist in the fight

Yu ze was one of the fortellers of stars summon into the Celestia court
with his feeling of unease,
there is a mix feeling of hope yet fear to see someone whom he longed
and there she is
as he stand before the Jade emperior
Gutan was standing among the other celestial bodies awaiting jade emperiors orders

" After so many years...
nothing have changed,her looks and everything about her still is wat they are...
but i ...i have changed so very much..all except my heart.it will never change even for a little bit..."

*to be continued... *

a matter of pride and honor...

2010-02-19T04:37:00.004+08:00

ever wonder why we dont go looking for ppl to love with and ppl not to love with?
it's funny when things turn out a different way then one would think of.

being able to communicate and understand ur partner is a form of showing out the love within
there are some who are able to perceive this while others who arent .
so does that mean loving them would mean a pain if the same feeling is returned

today i have talked to someone whom i hasnt talk to in a long time
i can see many changes in her and how mature she have grown to be
we chatted for a while on so issues of relationship and how we should perceive on others
and i would say i am really glad i have talked to her
well before anything i wish her dream of settling down would come true

anyway somehow i feel i am being push into a dark dark well
not being able to breathe at times
being a person who cant project my smile out easily
i cant help hoping to see the smiles happening in others
but sigh...it just isnt easy at all

An angel stripped her wings and and have fell off the heaven.
not wanting to seek the clouds above anymore
while a mere mortal has picked up the angels wings and being soring
yet still bare traces of humanly characters .

that is how i feel of wat i am feeling now.
just feel so sick to see things like this happening
i have actually a short story to kinda sum up how i feel.
but i wonder if i have the energy to type them all down.
arg i guess i will do a few part story to continue up tml
starting to have blackouts due to slp -.-

The Stargazer and the Fairy of Star of Gutan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In ancient times,
stars are a sign of either telling great fortune or mishap
and every star is guarded by a fairy within
this story tells of a maiden fairy named Hui Gutan whom watches over the star of Gutan
and a astronomer name Yu ze

Yu ze is a well know astronomer during that period of time
and many seeks his help in looking at the stars for fortune
he was popular around the ppl and often bring smiles to the others
with his unique talent

but despite his ability to bring happiness to us
he,himself has never been able to smile at all no matter how hard he tries

one fine day as he was reading the stars again
he unintentionally stumble upon a fairy
but during that point of time he could only sit on the patches of grass
looking at her wandering around and being with the guardian star god Hartu

"no matter how much i know i want to get to know her,
she will always just be a celestia being while i am nothing but a mere mortal...."

so he would just quietly sit there and watch her....

*to be continued... *

Less Pew Pew more QQ

2010-02-18T14:19:00.003+08:00

lol why am i still in that god forsakened place?
as i slowly see my life crumbling into the mist of darkness
i feel a little despair from time to time
yet i feel blessed from moments to moments

one would say being too emotionally attached to something will end u with nothing but pain
and i stringed myself with a Black elmo and a peacock, A fallen angel...with little "godfather" fairy

both plays their roles in a everlasting story's oracle
i feel like a mouse tying so hard to squeeze into the holes within the wall
trying so hard not to get stomp on
hoping for some loving cheese
but in the end traps of poison and tacks are all i see

why does a world that defies the logic of existance
can cause a dimensional tear into a person's heart
all i wish is for a smile
for someone to care and be cared
in the end it's nothing but a bad dream

i wonder if i am a puppet of god
when he feels that i neeed a dip of rainbow he would pour down the warm lights of the sun
but when he feels i am boring .i will be in the dump deep in a dark corner...

wish i can see the light again...
i guess that is no such thing as a happy ending with everyone
hmmm while i am typing this blog again i feel a deja vu
did i do this before?
it's like a same incident happening again...

私のように彼女の
しかし
私は愛する彼女も...
ので、何を好みに合わせて、愛する誰か？

all in a day's work, all in the nite's fire

2010-02-07T03:16:00.003+08:00

lol recently i have suddenly enjoy talking in msn
with some friends and exchanging woes and joy
yea it's kinda but i guess it helps open up my mind
well maybe part of my mind i guess

but ever wonder when there were days when u feel that u arent u anymore
u gave up being true to urself
and lie to the real you just to appealing
yea i screw myself up sometimes i guess

why you might ask.
lol well i am guessing sometimes
i do turn out too much of a juice then a glass of plain water
i know i am a glass of plain water
but i donno if i am well received or not...
so i coloured myself with favourings to look like a juice

in the end...
the taste was too sweet for the drinker to enjoy..
i got poured away..
leaving a stained empty glass =\

i know i have read and learn that i should be truthful
and be myself.
yet having a bit of fun here and there
not too much that's for sure
i guess i need to have more self confidence
if i wanna really become a bottle of mineral water
full of salts and yet well loved by any thirsty drinker...

hmmm ok will do.
i will start adding more healthy salt into me
and become a better setting brand of mineral water then

nevertheless i love wat i did today.
failed a little on the surprize
not to mention that i didnt have the intention to wanna see it
was just preparing it
but i guess god of time didnt give me a good control amd it was mistaken wrongly
i guess i can only silently apologize inside my heart to that drinker
for the bad artificial colourings...

may everything run smoothly
somehow i felt something that warmed my heart a little
a hidden smile behind those emotionless feelings
i am glad that i can still feel that smile coming to me

blah almost 4
time to go slp
oyasuminasai

the black blood thickens...

2010-01-31T23:31:00.002+08:00

i wonder is it me or do i feel a strange tension
as well as a use of someone elses dagger poking my back?
talking with someone who tries to use a bad situation against someone else.
it's really wtf...

wow i cant believe i am piss over a lame old game
in so many years of gaming
i think i have never encounter a drama game with no end to war
an i dont mean healthy war.
but unhealthy drama making wars zzz

sigh...
sometimes is it so hard to understand how my heart can feel upon someone?
being protective and acting protective always seems to have a side effect
it's either getting myself burnt or not being able to express out the feeling for something
i mean upon feeling something which one know that they dislike
yet they so processively accepting it as if it wasnt bothering them at all is really kinda strange

i think if it wasnt to keep the drama down i would have freaking find that guy
and spam it right at his face to quit doing his excessive stalking
it's damn rigth freaky.and really uncomfortable ,

it makes me feels shivers all over...
which also let me understand about the cosplayers getting stalk by guys.
make it seems as if they are perverts trying to "subway eat fresh" >.>"
arg i just wish a few days of good rest will make things better...

late start of a new year

2010-01-31T03:45:00.003+08:00

hmmm i guess i am feeling a bit wozzy these days
needed to talk to somebody but just dont have a place to really talk to
so i guess i will just blog out my feeling again
so that i wont have to face this emoish feeling which i hated

sometimes i find myself typing things arent wat i wanted to say
wat came out in my mind is wrongly typed or written down...
i wonder wat's up with this annoying habit of mine zzz
trying to find out the cause of this sigh...
in the end from trying to be nice i ended up giving myself more discount off my good self

am i doing the wrong thing to think for ppl before me?
does kindness really not worth a penny?
many a times my kindness had fail me badly landing me into unintentional trouble
i wish i can be unkind at times...
i wonder how can i be so...

anyway finally today i broke out the chain bonding me to eso.
and went to face my interest with a strong heart of passion
met out with YZ and the rest of the guys for SOY.
man it sure was tiring but fruitful this year.manage to get loads of good closeups
honing my skills in photography.

haha even met chester/peiqi /ace and noriko
lol wonder why nori has slim down so much x.x
kinda shocking.
maybe cos too long never meet with them le.
has been almost 1/2 a year since i last saw them

anyway need to upload the pics upfirst to get them in my comp x.x
ah... feels so good to blog again
gotta get my blogging habit back again~

lol forgetful me >.<

2009-07-15T19:36:00.002+08:00

went over to PS to look for qiqi
why? lol cos i forgot my towel and to look for my love!
nono dont get it wrong! it'smy camera batt charger!! xD
yea without that my love will end up becoming a empty metal without life
lol was gonna play a little gamethereas well and who knows gomok was there as well xD
yea he and his love of Sanguo xD
when u see SanGuo u will see gomok xD
but i was there for my stuff
didnt wanna play
but in the end i used 6 buck for Jubeat and para para -.-"

a food for though:

sometimes it hard having female friends then male friends lol
male will always be stuck with their gal and ignore their other friends
females? will have males who have and eye out for u if u are a guy and get too close to them lol
sure is hard to make friend these days haiz....

cosfest 2009

2009-07-14T19:21:00.000+08:00

2 days of cosfest 2009 have pass has yet again gone by with a swift blink of an eye
yes again this year we have booked a charlet for the event
fun and laughter has always been part of the fun about the event
but when there is fun there would always be conflict as well
it has not totally gone as wat i have planned it to be
was hoping for day 1 overnite hiking and day 2 BBQ
in the end cos some came late we had no choice but to cancel out nite excusion sigh =\
and day 2 was just too tired to even bother with BBQ >.<

but i guess personally i am a little stress out by a certain factor
i only wanted to be a part of the fun and helper
but instead i kinda end up feeling another role =\
house rules are really followed in a way T_T

sigh...not too mention a sudden addition of ppl x.x
but i mean sudden addition was not really the prob
it was kinda within prediction
but there is 1 thing i am kinda bugged
do i feel some kinda of sour green feeling from somewhere?

i donno why this feeling came out of nowhere
as if a presence of someone luring and looking at me from behind
lol i donno about last year but this year i came with the feeling for fun
but in the end i still feel the presence of wat i feel before.
zzz... o well at least i have some kinda of fun and a lot of running around in the nite as well =\

anyway this years cosfest sure if way better then last year.
the amount of different cosplayer is better then last year where DGM were all over the place lol\
the thing that amuse me was the Monster Hunter cosplayer ! in Bistro set :3
but thisyear therewas a over kill of neko -.-"
sigh and i tot no one was botheredwith neko this year
in the end i saw like 5~10 neko mimi XD

i am still uploading the photos onto photo buck hope theywill be done soon

WCG

2009-07-05T11:47:00.003+08:00

"Random pic of me wear Neko ear at Ayami's house XD"

wow it has been a crazy saturday
was running around taking photos of the wcg (World Cyber Gaming)
and aww man i didnt know that day's event was shana cosplaying based =\
could have wore my J-Uni there T_T
o well i think it's best not to wear anyway xD
was sweating like mad cos of all the running around

anyway morning time met up with ayami and shouji to take a taxi to suntec
wow kinda ex T_T 26+ *sniff sniff*
anyway the cosplayers didnt assemble till around 2+
was quite surprize at that.
i assume they would be there early.
maybe i was with kuraidori for too long xD
used to being early for events xD
anyway i saw a few guys i met back then ,
been quite a while since i last saw them xD

good to get in touch with them before cosfest
as well as droooling over the cam extensions i saw all over
but then again upon saying is one matter.
in deep i do know that any cam works well if u know how to use them
so for those who was feeling so high up dont be lol
u still have to buckle up ur skills

anyway i uploaded some pics from the event.
i dont think i would be posting all the pics till next week after cosfest
as most of the pic are on ayami's D50 cam x.x
wont get them till he transfer to my SD card and passing me back during cosfest T_T
need to get ready all my memory cards for cosfest
will be needing it xD

Event hall
~~~~~~~~~~

Cosplayers
~~~~~~~~~~

Shana (Shakugan no Shana)

High Priest and Champion (Ragnarok online)

Freya (Chobits) - Wee~ XD finally another chobit cosplayer~

One of the Shana Dress up competition friend of mine
(sad she kept forgetting who i am x,x and arent she cute with the neko ear? xD
i want one myself xD so ayami get me my ear~~)

Bomb found in Teban garden

2009-06-30T20:18:00.004+08:00

a lot of commotion tonite -.-"
apparently after i came home from jurong west,
there was a huge out of bound area around the neighborhood police post
loads of ppl surrounds the area looking at a bunch of man examining at a little box
most of the crowds are just there looking
just as puzzle as i am
but when i asked a few of those who were there earlier
i was a little shock on wat i heard

it seems there was a bomb planted at the police post
i am not really bothered by it as it seems all too unreal
1: being the secure covage area is too small
2: the hdb flat is still filled with occupants inside

how can one take a bomb seriously when all the counter measure is not met?
well maybe they are just trying to assure if the treat is real
but seriously i jokingly walked away
but a little unease as well inside of me
if it was some kind of terrorist bombing,why bother targeting such a senseless area
this part of the land isnt even worth threatening at all lol

there is actually another thing that bothers me..
wat is that orange cover behind them?
is it a dead body of the bomber?
lol wont know and i dont think i am really bothered as well
hmmm maybe i should go down and take a shot to post it here
ok i will do that now for future reference then xD

The Target of the bomb

The crowd around the "Bomb area"

One can fall apart,but can one be rebuilded ?

2009-06-30T03:28:00.003+08:00

Many says one would break up when face with a prob of distress
and it's those point that one would choose to live or "die"
just something random in my thought
life have been a mess up till now.the years passed by fruitlessly
though many fertilizers have been soiled near this tree.
it continue to grow ,bearing no fruit at all...

has it broke itself with dispair,hatral and fear?
even the tree dont understand it
the only thing it does was to stand there forever following the season
growing new leaves...
shedding whithered ones
and rooting deeper into the ground...

if the tree dont bare anymore fruits any time sooner.
it will wither away to nothing but a log of wood meant for the fireplace...
Dear Tree pls do live on and reach for the shy to grow.
never give up on urself.
u have farmers nurturing u
even when u arent bearing fruits.
show them that u can still bear sweet fruits for all to enjoy...]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miku~ Miku~

finally got my hands on a miku psp game.
saw that in gamefaq but didnt know that it was out
till i was talking with ayumi today
apparently planning is on the way
haiz... the only thing now is i am short of cash as well =\
i blame myself for my incompetent.
money not enough...sad sad...
one thing i know for sure is
i am quite gonna be a thrifty person when it come to cash
not becos i money face.
ppl borrowing money and not returning them is sure some bunch of freskass...
u will get ur retributions....
lol not gonna blah blah so much le time to slp *yawn...*

ppl come ppl go .a natural evolution of life....

2009-06-28T20:06:00.004+08:00

man was first created by god or so it was said in the book of genesis
Adam and Eve was created to walk the land we know today
and after the story of the forbidden apples ,
offsprings of adam and eve beings to spread all over the world.
but my topic for today isnt about adam and eve
it's Us,the offspring among offsprings

we walk the way of life
seeing things passing us in a blink of an eye
a desire for love
then a sudden change of another lover with a sweetlips
a hi from a passerby to a hug from him or her as a acquaintance

how mysterious it can be to see how we meet ppl in all wards of life
but always seems to miss them as they pass by after a certain time
is it about treasuring or not treasuring someone?
or is it just part of man's nature to forget wat we see and look forward

we are always in need of someone to care of no matter how strong we are
that's just part of man's vulnerability we hid in our side.
hoping that no one sees us yet there is always a certain point
we feel like peeking into the world seeking help

sometimes i do wish to just sit down and look at the world just go by before my eyes
i guess the only time that will happen
is when one forgets the world and be as one with the world

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

really hate being sick zzz
went to the doc to get some medication on my throat inflammation
has been bothering me for almost a week plus
not to mention the damn job that totally drained my physical welfare
dont think i can continue with it
now i ended up having to rest more to recover from all the aching....

wonder how are the others doing.
yuezhi being in ns and others
the cosplayer team seems to have quiet down a little though i still see conflict here and there
sigh..
wat in the world is going on
why cant the world just chill a little and quit being nasty zzzz
sometimes i still feel fortunate to be a single then attached >.>"

3 dreams in our world

2009-06-21T22:22:00.005+08:00

As i was walking around the reservoir
while waiting patiently for the sunset to come
thoughs came to my mind on how each one of us works in wonders
we live to persude our dreams
and we work to keep our dreams alive
but then again wat is Dream to us?

i have seperated dreams into 3 type
Dreamers,Dreaming and Dreamt
many might wonder
this 3 words are the same as wat they meant to each other doesnt it?
well u are right yet wrong in a way
well let me explain

Dreamer

A person who seeks for wat they long for,some maybe be far-fetched ,
yet many still persudes on,
hoping to achieve and reach the goal.

ppl who are dreamers are daring to go on a adventure into the unknown
knowing that failure might be at the end of the road
yet they still continue to work for them
constantly trying to prove they will not fail

Dreaming

A person who longs to achieve a goal
yet no action is done watsoever
goals are contantly changing in the minds of these ppl
they value wat's they have now and near present time
changes is something they do not wish to happen

Ppl who are in the dreaming section
often prefers looking at the world move on before them
they dont like to have too many twist and turns in life
straight path is always something they prefer to do
never do these ppl approach a prob directly
though they would constantly keep trying to solve the prob
but nevertheless the effort is short-termed

Dreamt

A person who are ing the dreamt catagory are the achievers
they have worked long and hard to achieve their goals
some will stop at their achievments
more who came to this catagory are often dreamers

Ppl who dreamt will most of the time be around the middle age ppl
where long and tiring strive back in the days have gave them wat they are now
but some would stop at a certain point to enjoy the fruits of they life
so many can be considered as the wealthy lads

Why do i suddenly talk about these?
well simple.
we live in a fast moving society
ppl constantly move on and stop at a certain point
not looking back or abandoning wat's around them without them knowing wat has happened
one should never be just 1 catagory on their own

why live a life monotonelessly when u know u can colour the world with a magic brush?
paint ur life with the colours of not just ur hard work but ur keisure
as well as ur friends and family
only with that u will complete wat the whole meaning is
The mean of "Dream"

Movie Review : Detroit Metal City [ DMC ]

2009-06-18T02:44:00.002+08:00

Ever wonder how music change change ur life?
the meaning of living for music
and being a normal person
well Detroit Metal City is a movie that will rock ur world

Based on a manga back in 2005 and a anime ova recently released
the movie became a great hit for the laughters
with Love,Music and lots of confusion between the characters
the jokes are never ending

the story start off with a nerdy looking teen who went Tokyo to start his dream as a musician
but it turn out that his music dream isnt wat he was hoping to be
from a fashionable musician , he became a heavy metal singer
with songs fit for a demon
yet deep within him lies the secret of the unexposed him
the kind and shy personality

but with that he lived out his dream with his quote that touches his friends and the world
"No Music..No Dream.."
and with that ,his dream live on...

a must watch comedy of the year!

July the month to be looking forward to!

2009-06-15T16:00:00.002+08:00

14th June 2009

July the month to be looking forward to!

ah sure is nice taking a break from all the stress and stuff
and wow how long was it since i last left blogging for?
a whole 1/2 a year XD
yea but now that July is coming again!
looking forward to putting more tots into words and of cos cosfest is around the corner~
it's the year where mant teens gathered around dressing up as their favourite anime chars and posingfor photographers to snapshot

these days i am just brinfing my cam all over practicing on still shots and envoirmental shots
flowers ...landscape and many other places that i see inspiration in
to me camera is a canvas that i paint with on a picture to keep
so that memories will always be remembered.
and yea often i would have pics of shots i took before .
anyway i have posted some shots i have taken recently

gonna start a folder for these photography shots xD
well here are some of my works =D enjoy~

Crystals of Light

The Night View of The Court House

Plants and flowers

West coast shopping center

Cosplay all star photoshoot

2008-12-21T11:28:00.021+08:00

20th Dec 2008

Cosplay all star photoshoot

today is finally the day to be out of the camp from my ict
i cant believe 2 weeks of intense train has finally ended
till now my whole body's aching all over
but i am glad it's over for now

arent all too happy though.the next ict is next year's dec 14 again sigh...
o well at least it wont be all too crazy like this current one
let's see how it goes i guess

wat kinda piss a lot of us would be the delay of book out
the supposingly fast book out got a 1 hr delay due to the hand over of the room
geez booking of taxi kinda got punked by us =\
wat a cock up that became -.-
anyway straight after out-pro from jurong camp 2
rushed back home to get ready for the photoshoot

looks like this time round there are kinda a lot of coslayers from cafe
i would seriously appraise them for the effort they have put in
nice working with them as well
after so many months of training for ippt and ict
it's nice to finally have some time to invest back to my hobby

anyway i have setup some photo uploaded them on the photobuck enjoy =)

Here are some previews of some of them =)

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v123/chaklian/Cosfest%20Album/allstar%20cross-over%20photoshoot/

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v123/chaklian/Cosfest%20Album/allstar%20cross-over%20photoshoot/allstar%20cross-over%20candid%20shot/

reservice

2008-12-10T12:31:00.002+08:00

10th dec 2008

reservice

hmmm here i am again blabbering my thoughts
sigh...kinda bored now
well now i am serving my reservice now
away from my normal days of life
but well i wont say that it's bad
just a little tiring these days.
to think i actually sleep before 12 is something amazing lol

being back to do my vocation i have kinda gone rusty of my skills
today is kinda the second day to begin with
gonna have ippt later
so here i am typing and updating my blog will be away for 2 weeks =\
hope i can quickly make my work done and get on with m life again

after this i gotta start looking for my cosplay friends of photoshoot
i wonder if i can make it in time for ning's lolita photoshoot
as well as ayami's cosplay crossover =\
miss those funny lot haha
well blog again next time
for now gonna go surf around xD

Movie : Bolt

2008-11-29T20:11:00.003+08:00

29th Nov 2008

Movie : Bolt

Bolt, the latest walt disney movie
a story about a Tv action hero superdog
who was seperated from Penny,his owner

he went on a epic journey on finding his way back to hollywood
not knowing that his just a action hero on tv
he swore his life to protect his owner
thinking that he has all the super power
only to found out the truth from his journey-met friends
Rhino the hamster and mittens the cat
whom he mistakenly tot was a henchmen of the green-eyed man

but as the story goes on he slowly learnt to be a normal dog from mittens
and finally reunted with penny saving her for real from a fire accident

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as i watched this show
it brings laughters and moments of touching scenes that almost made me cry
friendship can really be important at times
encouragments and constant pushing for improvements
i wonder how many actually think back to those who helped them
and those who arent

today as i was having my breakfast with my mother
it came to my knowledge that someone i know
my neightbours granny is going to be sent back to her homeland in malaysia
reason was she was being too strict on my neighbours' children
to me those are not strict but concern over them
seriously i think if their granny arent there
things can run amok more then we can see
from this incident,
it have kinda made me think how
i would view over parental guidance over my kids next time

i disagree biolence over children
yet if i am too soft on them to which i think i might
they will turn out to rot ...
life sure has a funny way of making one decide over things...

things sure have been quite around dreamer's world
since the lessen updates of my blog
many has visit lesser these days
and so it seems that exam is around the corner as well
lonely hearts and pressurizing minds has cloud around these lonesome months
well can only wish all the best to everyone in silence

sigh...tml's photoshoot was cancelled
was so looking forward to it
o well i just have to see when is the next one
and see if i can make it
i tot i clashed with ayami's cosplay photoshoot
just gotta see how it goes

hmmm cosplay workshop challenge...interesting
but i dont think i have the time to really check it out
gotta prepare for ICT as well as look for a job
it's time i get some income
now it's turn to have a complete makeover for look and life
nevertheless i am still a game lover
but maybe i will play lesser these days haha...

o well that's all for now.
nite dreamer world...

RT finally ended...

2008-11-27T22:14:00.002+08:00

27th Nov 2008

RT finally ended...

finally today marks the end of a successfull IPPT
i would say that it's a glorious fail
why some might ask
well i have greatly improved in my result
from a pure 0 fighter
now i manage to at leastget 1 point for most of my stations

but i guess that's not wat i am really proud of
it's the 2.4km run i am really feeling happy about
i finally am able to run 6 run nonstop
timing had improved by 3 min as well
from a ugly 18 min i promoted myself to a happy 14 min

kinda cool.that kinda means that i can do something if i am determine enough
really gotta thanks louis,sylvester and alan for this
without these training buddies and motivators
i would be nothing even after 2 months
it's good to find good friends
when u meet up with ppl who encourages u
everything u do will be best of the best

i am glad RT's over ...
yet i wont forget the days with these friends
the pain and the sweat
the time we spent together and achieve the same goal we all strike for
thank you everyone....thank you~!

RT takes all ur fun away ?

2008-11-25T22:18:00.002+08:00

25th Nov 2008

RT takes all ur fun away ?

hmmm has almost gone for 2 months of RT
cant believe at a vlink of an eye today is the last training day
as i await for thursday to come for a failing IPPT
i looked forward as well as looking back to the months before me
the totally fit-less me
donno if i am glad that i went for this rt or not lolz
but i thgink i should be glad
meeting motivating friends encouraging each other to move on

hmmm insurance agent
i wonder if i can handle this
louis said that there would be training given to me if i join
i wonder if the quiet me could handle this
in a few days he might call over to me...
kinda worried....
i just wish i can have a heart to heart chat with someone
yet i cant seems to face a person to which i can open myself to
sigh...it sux to be me lolz

o well i guess i will believe in myself and give it all i got then =\
just me and my dream world again haha...

Idea blockage

2008-11-22T15:34:00.002+08:00

23 Nov 2008

Idea blockage

these days u seems to have a mental block lol
cant seems to think of ideas for wat ever i do.
maybe it's just too much gaming these days
but seriously
kinda getting bored of gaming

now it seems i am afking morethen training ingame
yea i like this part about me where i have a routine over my hobbies and interest
keeps me less bored at times
seems like now i getting more interested in going for RT lol
i guess it's the friends i meet there
the motivation and stuff
the once me who hate running have actually ran 6~10 rounds non-stop

some have notice a little weight loss
yea but i am still fat along the waist line
will take sometime before i can really get back to the old me again
been cutting down the intake of food these days.
or maybe it's just another money saving routine?

sigh....i really gotta buckle up and start moving again
life waits for no man.
only when one who keeps running with the time will achieve the goal in life
will i be able to reach for my dream?
only i would know
it's time to find out wat i am facing...

more events and photoshoots

2008-11-18T10:22:00.003+08:00

18th Nov 2008

as days close by to some more photoshoot of the year end
i got pretty excited as well as bored
bored not in the way able photoshoot
but about another year passing by so soon

just chatted with ayami last nite
has been quite a while since i last chatted with him
haha still the same old jovious boss i know
would love seeing him again
yea jio me for the yuri all-star cross photoshoot
heng it was a few days before ICT
i guess i will join in the found before going into ns for some boring days again -.-

haha for now i am looking forward to ning's lolita photoshoot
but i wonder wat is the "issue" she mentioned =\
sigh i hope is not one of those blabbering idiot flamers again...
cant those idiot stop making a nunsence in others life?
giving advice is ok
but if others dont quite like it then just stop it i guess
or maybe just give some tips and pointers

there are just ppl who wont wanna help yet they try to add in the fire
lol i remember in games when u are a noob
asking for help and ppl would say
"rather then asking here why dont u find it in the blah blah blah..."
zzz if u can type so much
cant u at least type something useful
or if not dont type then :3

o well the world isnt a heaven anyway haha
smell it,know it,beware of it XD

Anime Saimoe Tournament 2008 Yokoku

2008-11-15T15:12:00.002+08:00

15th Nov 2008

Anime Saimoe Tournament 2008 Yokoku

changed my blog skin today.took almost 4 hours
redesigning and making all the stuff from photoshop
kindastatified with it =3
finally changed my skin after 1 year + of white and blue X3
hope the chanmge of blogskin
will mean change of the things i type as well~
genki nee~~!

every wonder who is the most moe anime char in the year or animes?
now i finally found out that there is actually a competition vs all moe chars in the anime world

went to check out Saimoe and found out this year's winner
is no other then kagami from lucky star x.X
with tsukasa falling back by just 90+ votes
haha i guess kagami's "missy" characteristic has made her moe
even making the char very funny and cute
kinda funny though xD
the way she reacts and stuff when konata starts off her gags xD

anyway i have a link of the webby as well as a vid clip
to accompany konakona and lucky stars fans out there =3
enjoy~

Watch Anime Saimoe Tournament 2008 Yokoku in Anime, Webisodes, and Music Videos | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

http://saimoe2008.hp.infoseek.co.jp/

Konata owns In MMORPG~~

2008-11-11T03:38:00.002+08:00

11th Nov 2008

Konata owns In MMORPG~~

haha think it's all gamer/otaku as well as konata fan
to know how much a gamer otaku can be like
nad i cant for sure say i cantelll how a gamer would act
but this is wat i found from the lucky star ova XD
a real gamer spirit xD
i wish i can join konata's party X3

gotta love konata XD
i wonder if they will really come out with a game like this (+ w +) ~<3
if they do i will sure be one of the few to rush there xD

kuraidori photoshoot fresh from the oven ~

2008-11-09T20:30:00.002+08:00

9th Nov 2008

kuraidori photoshoot fresh from the oven ~

haha finally the long awaited photo from sensei is out XD
yea that day was a mix of every feelings in every aspect
but nevertheless it's still quite fun i guess
now i am pretty much looking forward to the lolita photoshoot of ning's
i am not sure if i can attend it for sure since my RT falls on that day as well =\

if i can most probably i will join them till time for me to go
around 2+ i guess
unless i can get a way to siam RT -.-

these days kept playing Mana Kamia
kinda fun anime type of RPG on psp
i even think of making the weapon
not sure if i wanna try that role
everything is possible except the $ part....
gotta find a job fast
no money everything also cannot -.- sigh....

anyway time to post photo ^^

when reality backfires on oneself

2008-11-06T01:35:00.003+08:00

11th Nov 2008

when reality backfires on oneself

it's really funny how reality backfires on one
that dont realise the true of the world
looks can be deceiving at times
an enermy can be a ally
and a friend can be a foe

i laughed upon a funny thing i read not long ago
maybe a few min ago
that was the least i expected yet i know it will eventually come one day
"He who blinds the world is blinds himself"
it's really lame that one would protect just to get hurt.
dispite thousands of factor that the elements of darkness exist
yet they only believe in the raw lies of one.

i guess one of my prophecy has came true.
there is another one that has not yet tempted yet
"when he touches the land of the motherland,
he shall find the swamps within it..."
let's see if my 2nd prophcy will come
when i predicted stuff,
very few have fail to come true.
it's not easy to get these skills but i am glad i have them to guide me with

but well watever =3
not like i would care much anyway
i have already given my warning and precautions to all
if they turn a deaf ear in the past,
it's theur future that they suffer
not mine
i will only suffer the past only to have a better future
wat? how to get over it?
first u cry then u shout then laugh ur way to a happier day
why get bothered by these nonsense (~o^)b

Kuraidori photoshoot outing

2008-11-03T02:15:00.002+08:00

2nd Nov 2008

Kuraidori photoshoot outing

haha today sure is a tiring day
running all over tiwn area with some of my cosplayer friends
yea having a photoshoot with our J uni
just too bad some cant come =\

has been a really fun day
but somehow the sense of oblivion-ness lingers around the atmosphere
i dont really know if it's all the lovey lovey romance around
that is causing the whole group to have fun or something
it's more of a u/me thing rather then the whole group anymore...

while sensei walks right in front therest just having their time behind =\
i kinda feel bad for ice sensei...
well at least mint was accompanying sensei
nevertheless i dont think much of us are really into today's photoshoot =\
sigh... miss those days of laughter...
i still remember the first time our group met up with sensei
there was so much fun and laughter
things has certainly change a lot in a meer few months
cant be help i guess
part of life's cycle...

o well at least everyone still have a some form of fun in a way
do have to thx ice sensei for organizing this gathering
looking forward to seeing them again
let's just hope things tdont change too much again
when i see them the next time >.<"

o yea i dont how in the world i got addicted into guiter freak
but certainly now i am enjoying it
well partially was due to my interest in guiter i guess
not being able to go learn from a music school or someone to teach
i kinda even forget the sound piece that i learn from kun kee geez
let's see if i can get myself a cheap yet good guiter to being with
games is not all in my live haha
music is part of me as well
tunes and beat is the moving beat of my life...

lol anyway gonna stop for now.
was a little bo liao so went to took some random pic of myself -.-

traveling around the world in..... 10 min? xD

2008-10-30T21:17:00.002+08:00

30th oct 2008

traveling around the world in..... 10 min? xD

huh how do u travel around the world in 10 min lmao
well reality u cant
but in atlantica u sure can =3
i am quite surprise how a game developer can make a game that brings the world down to a size of a game =x
dreaming of walking on Great Wall of China?
i just did that 5 mins ago =x took me 3 ~5 mins to walk finish xD
yea it's a cool game
bring all the historians into the game is a very interesting idea to begin with
if anyone's interested here'sthe link

http://atlantica.ndoorsgames.com/

Today finally RT phrase 1 is over
as usual i have expected it to fail anyway lolz
going into phrase 2 thiscoming sunday
but oh no.... crashing with the photoshoot >.<
gonna have to defer it
sigh another 1 more month of time wasting ...

suddenly these days i am having the blues again
the world revolves around and around me
the past, present and future surrounds me with many whys and hows
haha i wonder how would it be like to just not care of the world
sadness,happiness,pain and pleasure is part of a gift in human

that makes us different from animals
but arent we as brutal as they are as well?
it's for everyone to think about

i am glad to have friends around me
but i know one day one after another will leave me
as they find the soul mates of their lives
for i too know how one would be when u find someone u love
the world will only be existing for the both of them

i am glad just being by myself for now
no commitment and pain as well....

Kono sekai wa kimi no shite ne nai....

GE boys strikes again

2008-10-25T03:30:00.003+08:00

25th Oct 2008

GE boys strikes again

today sure is a great day
gathering with my GE friends
yes once again we have meet out again.
talking of old times in GE as well as all rounder topic
eating in Coscafe has almost became a norm to this bunch of friends of mine
always on a look out for food .

yea nice to see Eric and Robin ,YZ and josh again after so long
as well as Dan and Winter( never met before XD )
gaming is not all we do of cos but it's the origin where we all met
this is kinda the 2nd group of game friends that i often hang out with
i still remember a few years back when gunbound was popular
i have similar outing for pool movie and food as well
my life has always revolve around games and it has already become a norm to me
well if i am able to find a job in the gaming world as a gm
i would more then glad to accept it with grace~

anyway after that went of to watch 20th century boys
kinda a cool show.
a childhood make up story turned into reality of world distruction
lol now i cant that phrase out of my head -.-
"Kenji kun~~ Asoubi masho~~"
lol if there is a continuation of the show i am sure i will be chasing after it
i wonder wat will Kanna do as the group of heroes' legacy continues

has been a fun day
but maybe i wanna exclude the Night Rider bus journey home -.-
almost an hour worth of ride
but at least i know there is bus to jurong =)
wont feel sad not being able to reach home xD
it's almost 4am now lolz
i doubt i would be sleeping any sooner anyway
but know wat i suddenly longs for?
is a soft hand to hold on
and someone warm to hug with....
LOL kidding =) that will never happen
hug my furry bear maybe =)
well my blog ends here

love and friendship
wat would u choose?
a loving period that might turn sour or sweet anyday
or a friendship that would last with smiles or fist of anger
one can never find a purest of answer till one venture into the unknown
with hope as a blind light to lead us on...
Yutaka sighing off....

A war that i didnt wanna go again...

2008-10-23T01:26:00.002+08:00

23rd oct 2008

A war that i didnt wanna go again...

sigh today finally got a taste of the new war patch
but it's kinda crappy
totally got owned...
the war was so pvp based that it os more like a mess slaughter then a tribal war =\
i think i prefer a castle breaking then just a war to kill players
i might be moving on again...
gonna try out Atlantica this time

just 2 more days and i will be metting with my GE friends again
was kinda sad that the BoB group cant join in.
kinda miss the cosplay team.
wonder how's everyone doing
for me i am just frantically doing exercises these days
of cos gaming as well
sigh...seriously need a job.
but i wonder how am i gonna get one with all the RT taking up all the slots of time
no one understands this,never will...

o well i will just keep it to myself then.
really lazy to explain myself
i dont like explaining stuff
either just do it or dont do it....simple as that....

hate explaining my actions...
may it be family or loved ones...
i am not good with my speech...
is only typing can talk for me i would gladly type out
but then again the typo would own me wont it? xD

sigh....life sux at times
but that's why i like life ...
all mysterious and strange...
just wish i have a good start when i was young...
sigh....
Ah Kami sama...watashi no jinsei ha joudan desu ka...?

a small taste bug with a flow of feelings...

2008-10-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

16th Oct 2008

a small taste bug with a flow of feelings...

how long ago since i last have a double cheese burger ?
the taste lingers in my tongue
as i slowly savour the feeling of cheese melting in my mouth
this feeling is simply sensational
and for the moment i almost felt the world had melted away
curing my headache i am feeling today...

but well it came back right after the whole burger is done -.-
anyway sigh... i have finally fallen ill
victim of a flu and cold
really hate catching a cold
sneezing non-stop
if this dont stop i will soon be cosplaying rudolf the raindeer
with a nose as red as the sun -.-"

the weather isnt all too good these days
considering that i can catch a cold in one nites time
i wonder how many others out there gotten this cold
well bless everyone to a good health
pew pew~~! shoot those flu bugs away~

oh yea another RT today...
cant say i am tired today
just hate running =\
but i gotta love the gym
i am more of a person who likes big arms then a swift body xD
gotta be kidding geez.well i am old anyway
speed is not a essence of my life
never was, never will
just dont play with my sheer strength that's all haha..

ok i guess i will stop for now
the song i am listening to is making me a little emo xD
*saigo no kajitsu*
miss those friends of mine
wonder how are they these days
gotta find a day to get everyone out for a gathering again...

oh geez...."first love" on the imeen now x.X"
o well cheerio everyone ^^

So near yet so far...

2008-10-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

14th Oct 2008

So near yet so far...

ever wonder how it would be to lost friends?
the feelings of gathering with everyone
yet knowing that someday they will go away
yea Kim went off to another game as usual
and Bored is having exam/ quitting
i donno CH says he tried telling them to stay
but to wat i know of bored i think he might quit.
when i see his lbl not gaining i knew something is wrong =\
o wellmiu expevted that anyway.
know them how long le
cant stay long on a game de
i wonder how long would i stay =\

dreams, hope , future and love
this 4 elements of life makes the world turns ever so mystically
when one is able to grab hold of it,
one would be able to persude and move on
strangely as it is i wonder where i am heading?

i am as lost as i were years ago
i wish i have a certain persuding point to keep me going.
i strife to pace and catch up on others.
i find this a silly way to live
time to try a new tactic and follow the path of my own
i am gonna make my own FAQ rather then reading one
i hope ...

a little siggy that i have made of my chars
kinda cute =x

JEC closing down for upgrade

2008-10-12T13:23:00.002+08:00

10 Oct 2008

JEC closing down for upgrade

Finally JEC is closing down for upgrading after serveral years of planning
cant believe i will miss this place so much
since i love hanging around the arcade for PIU dancing
o well there is always PS to go .
but of cos i doubt i will go there at all

lol prawn fishing is kinda fun..
especially if u get to hang out with old buddies and friends
but this time it seems all so different..
when one started getting attached in a relationship
the world around them is nothing but a infinity blackhole of nothingness

slowly,u loses away the friendship and starts gathering ur focus on ur love
yea i do understand how they feel
i have been in a relationship before as well
love is absolute yet oblivious.
a nothingness gathers into a solid content
eventually forming and harden
the power of love

haha...well when the stone breaks
a little piece would eventually cause a landslide
just donno how i would think of this anmore anyway
ever since that day
the day i lost my true self
the one who talks alot,crap alot and loves hanging outwith diff ppl
i have became a solitary person who dont quite like to talk.
i lost my sense of leadership
started letting my feeling bias over my logic...

do i hate her?
or do i love her so much that i has changed me so much...
1 years of love....a life time of pain...
an eternity of memory that i still grasp on for so many years.
sometimes i wish i wasnt a cancerian..
i wish i was a cruel person
someone who dont care of others feeling.
but that will never happen...
i am being to soft to myself and others....
not many knows and understand ...
not intending to explain myself anyway...

ur words still stings me in my heart...
"I am feeling lonely,i know it's not ur fault but i just feel that way...
maybe we should stay away for a period of time..."

...
..
.
*silence..*

A brand new month...

2008-10-10T12:45:00.003+08:00

5th Oct 2008

A brand new month...

Another month has pass by...
so much things happening yet so little words to replaces the thoughts in my mind...
hasnt blog for almost 2 weeks.
well yea.. the game has been my passing frenzy these days.
didnt wanna think so much these days.
days afer days as i walk pass couples and sweet lovers
it reminds me of the days back years ago

recently i have started going for RT trainings
has been really tiring in a sense.
since i havent really condition myself to running constantly and stuff
but i hope i can keep the pace going and keep fit
guess it's a good start to a better life style
finding a grilfriend some say?
nah i think i prefer admiring the beauty of life
then endowing myself in more pain and suffering
cos i do wish for love but i just dont wanna get myself into one
loving myself is more then enough

have been keeping my hair long these days as well
i wonder if i should start with some tinting bronze hair dye
good to have a change of look.
well the goal of the hair length is not there yet.
i doubt i can reach that long this year anyway.
with the constant nagging from my mother and the ICT coming this dec.
if i can reach cheek i would bve laughing lolz
lol now i kinda have the hair and look of tiki
of cos i will not cosplay tiki
so many ppl cosplaying him lolz

anyway feel pretty nice to release my thoughts back in blog.
nasgashi desho~ nanka.. kimochi de suki dechu~

love is in the air
can one catch it?
or will it fly by again...?

GE friends gathering for WGC

2008-09-20T23:24:00.002+08:00

21st Sept 2008

GE friends gathering for WGC

nothing much have happen theses days so there was nothing to blog about =\
finally had a ingame wedding with faye
hah yea kinda fun to play in LGP
trying to chase up with kim,bored and CH till liek mad zzz

but today is the day i was waiting for
it's WGC @ suntec convec hall
as well as gathering with my GE friends
have been so long since the bunch of us come out and have fun together
went all over the event finding IAH games haha
as for me i went gaga over the games i saw
as well as busy taking photos of the event

cosplay event was held there as well
saw a few friends like nori and ace,
1 shot see code gress straightaway know is ace
but as for the lime green haired gal?
lol i didnt recognise that it was nori until very long
thick makeup she had that day xD

saw the DGM team's allen as well
but kinda dissappointed with the posing =\
either the MC kinda sux of no one helped them with poses
gotta say i love the blood elf as well as the Orge from WoW
very well made.
the blood elf...dance...perfect...
i wonder if she won the competition
overall the cosplay competition seems kinda so-so =\
with the mc kept repeating about pose 1,pose 2,pose 3
as well as some of the cosplayers lack of participation spirit
alls well i guess.

after taking more photo i went off with the guys to have high tea
haha went off to "just noodles" to eat some side dishes
end up all call combo meal lol
free flow of ice cream as well as drink made us stay there forever
chatting from world politics to books to daily lifestyle
haha really love hanging out with them
feel more myself somemore all have a common interest

after that i went off with Yz,his bro and joseph to far east to collect my J uni
finally here ^^.looks cooler then i have seen in the photo
maybe gonna wear that for next month's cosplay event
as for who i am going with?
i am not sure lol gonna jio Yz and jos
then maybe a few cosplayer friends if they wanna join in

but i will be looking forward for next month's makan sutra with the guys
planning for coscafe dinner again~~ 24 Oct...
will be awaiting for that day ^^
really have fun today.
sorry Ace and Nori never say good bye to u all xD
u all gana flooded by photogs after call u all posing XD
have to find my friends to go off xD

will be posting photos later.
cos now comp lag
moreover still got 2 event blog not done yet >.<"

Kono Sekai wa Hitori no Shite ne nai

2008-09-18T11:26:00.002+08:00

17th Sept 2008

Kono Sekai wa Hitori no Shite ne nai

lol suddenly remember a phrase i used to learnt back when i was a novice
"Kono Sekai wa Hitori no Shite ne nai"
i am not sure if i remember it correctly
"You are the only one in the world"
i miss that radio station =\
i wonder wat happened to it
after mixing with Jems and cultivating all the interest in japanese language
i became independent to learn this foreign language

well not just jap i guess.
tried learning Korean
ended up in a mess -.-
the phonic of jap and korean kinda differs a lot from each other
moreover korean sound kinda vulgar in a senses lmao
i can still recall learning a few greeting
that sound like scolding others in hokkien xD

well language word always be something i like
love to meet all sort of ppl from all around the world
too bad i cant afford traveling to other countries ....

maybe i should add that to my wish list...

Which is more painful,a knife or a mouth?

2008-09-16T15:24:00.006+08:00

17 Sept 2008

Which is more painful,a knife or a mouth?

as i was reading through all the blog today.
it seems i still fall upon some that are filled
with bits and pieces of pain within them.
makes me wonder,how does it feel to be poked by a knife
and compare it with a mouthful of hurting words others would say to another

one causes death while the other let's one live with a eternity of pain
haha it's kinda funny how things turn out
when u mix with the wrong bunch of friends
well that happens
not everyone's kind
that'sthe kind of world this is.

if it's all kind or all; evil then one wont feel the different in our lives
we cant do anything to devils
neither can we sing the song of praise to angels
well one reason is for sure human is just a mixture of both
but onething that man fear is karma
a powerful force that changes a life of a person
"dont do wat u dont want others to do upon you"
that's wat i learnt when i as with some christian friends
nit that i am a christian,
the quote applies even for those who arent in any religion

glad the world is not flat =)
which comes to the point
i wonder if my arguments are lawyer like lol
sometimes the way i analysis stuff ends up in a law way of life -.-
well i dont quite like law life anyway
but there are some aspect of it still applies to our normal days
i wont call it lawsuit ,i would call it "philosopies of life"
lawyer term? "laws of life "

Lantern festival at clarke Quay

2008-09-16T13:00:00.004+08:00

14th Sept 2008

Lantern festival at clarke Quay

Ever wonder how beautiful lights arein the nite?
and how a light and a candle can brighten one's life?
well yap it's Chinese Mid autumn festival
and it's not only chinese garden that u can see beautiful lights
this year the clarke quay river lit up like a birthday cake
with lots of lights

i was so dazed by the lights x.X
cant stop taking photos of the lantern scalptures
but i was quite saddened when i saw my horoscope animal -.-
do u call that a freaking dog? ! T^T
10 ppl walk pass it 9 will say wah cat look like dog

wat was worst and funny was a kid asking his mother
"mummy in the 12 horoscope got cat ah?"
i was like err duh cat lost in the race of then 12 animals bah xD

anyway i gotta edit the photos and put them in my matsuri blog page.wow events sure builds up in my matsuri blog =3
not to mention it going international xD
not at all the best but well i am slowly introduction stuff from singapore and exchanging culture with other countries =)

lantern festival volunteering

2008-09-16T12:40:00.003+08:00

13th Sept 2008

lantern festival volunteering

today's kinda busy funning around with Yz and another GE friend
kept forgetting his name >.<
anyway today sure is a fun day to blog about
cos it's that time of year again lantern festival

i as out with my GE friends ond another volunteer work
this time we went to Hort Garden for the event
and my god....i am so gonna sugguest this place as a photoshoot area
the place is full of flowers and stuff so pretty and beautiful x.X
too bad i didnt bring my cam that day cos i borrowed it to my dad
i remember Wingsbell did come here for a victorian waloli photoshoot

the place just simply got my attention to the max x.X
but let's leave that for another day shall we? =P

anyway back to the days event
had some prob with parking as well as finding for a place to park
but in the end we had to make a big round just to reach the back gate
after parking thecar

we went in to help with distributing of goodie bags
and man our lane was flooded with ppl.
we cleared so much that we didnt have time to pack in the lanterns into the bag
kept shoving the items to the ppl lol
the crowd was so scary lmao.
kept coming none stop
but lastly in the end we manage to clear the goodie bags =D

well goodie has a pack of rice
2 moon cake
a packful of sesame seed oil
as well as a dinner box and a lantern lol
dispite all the hard work
the 3 of us had fun =)
i guess that's all that matters haha
another outing filled with fun and laughter =D

due to my phone cam has limited spaces i was only able to take a few pics =\
and oh yea a reminder to myself gotta remind myself
to go there at nite for a scenery photoshoot on the bridge.
the brige is sooooo! cool! x.X
from far i still tot it was a MRT or LRT station lol
first time expose to Hort garden
and already i am full of energy to go there again~~

Volunteers in the goodie bag distribution room
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My GE friends eatting dinner x.X

a Wall of art
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A artwork that was kinda cool
near the distribution room

Lanterns of Fantasy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lots of beautiful lanterns made by the RV student
they shined like jewels in the nite....

B.O.B makan sutra!

2008-09-16T11:36:00.005+08:00

Friday 12th Sept

B.O.B makan sutra!

went out with my B.O.B friends again
sigh... was kinda sad that sai wasnt that to join us
food was great back in our usual gathering spot shokudo!
luckily for us this this we came in early lol
after we are done with our dinner the crowd was immense lol.
cant imagine if we went in 30mins later -.-

geez that day after we went to suntec they were having the fountain light show
miss these fountain light shows.
ever since suntec was first build till now
i have never really got a chance to really enjoy myself watching that
even if i did it was for a brief moment...

anyway wat got my nerve rattling was the damn swensens...
geez we went in happily hoping to feast on earthquake
a few point got me piss off liao

1: why the hell is a swensen shop so hot?
more over putting us at kitchen area was worst.
even more hot!
the icecream melted so fast geez

2:heaven blasted we ordered for a regular earthquake and we were charged a large one?
wth was that suppose to mean
if the one we ate is large i doubt 3 person can finish.
since my friend did order large before
unless this brunch is cheating money that is -.-
piss off sia
a happy nite turn into a flaring nite geez
the waitress still give that piss off face tmd -.-
once and for all that brunch is blacklisted by me -.-

anyway it was fun again to gather out with them again hope sai can come along
or at least anyone friend as well x.X"
well here's the gif i was hoping to make x,X

Dark chaos world

2008-09-11T04:20:00.003+08:00

11th Sept 2008

Dark chaos world

wat does it take for a person to cause the world to fall into a chaos?
a snap of a finger, a turn of feeling and a tint of devilish heart.
yes let's take a look into the world of a little demon's heart
one that sees the world in a upside down way

we have heard from stories and bible
that satan speaks in a language deals with temptation
playing with one's heart to get wat he wants
the temptation is super then the force of nature
but it was defeated when one overcome those temptation

to some hating someone is all about the things they do
to others there might be deal to something that's merely a flicker in life
something that is of non-significant
from a brawling over a language difference in the world chat
to something that shouldnt have even start with

wat satisfaction does it give
to make someone feel sad,angry as well as stirring a whirlpool of confusion
just to make one's hate a bigger disaster ?
in the end all it take is a kick on one's leg to make the fall even more painful
well all one can say would be god bless ur living soul
and hope u dont fall into hell from all the sins
1 recarnation can only bring back 1 set of memories
live it and make it a beautiful one
if hell is wat one seek then hell it is one shall receive

that's how the world acts
u seep wat u sow...
but if u seek,u shall find wat u are looking for...
even death cant bring joy into oneifthat happens...

randomness beats orderliness...

2008-09-09T03:04:00.004+08:00

9th Sept 2008

randomness beats orderliness...

lol donno why suddenly i find randomness a blessing in my life
all the while i have been a person who believes
that things should go just as they should initially
but then again there are randomness that makes life all so exciting
just as my blog song would bring about whenever i type my blog

when i am onto S.E.N instrumental music i would free free and easy
sad love song i would go emoish
and tsubasa chronicles and oh my goddess songs i would do reflection
yes my life revolves around wat music i listen to
without music my life would be a mess
i still remember the days when i work in a extreme quiet place
where i can listen to mp3

i totally turn off and cant work well
i guess back if i were younger during my school days
if i were able to choose i would really go into dance and music CCAs
sometimes i envy mint.she's still young and able to expose to dance and hobbies
for me my family is not very into these stuff

i still remember when i was a kid around wat 8? or 10
i was at a children day dancing event and got first prize out of it
ah.... those were the fun childhoods i have~
lol and yea not to forget the kiddy kindergarden baby puppy love lol
that first baby kiss which i still cant seems to tell if it's real or not
haha even till now i still remember i wrote a love letter in chinese
and there are a lot of words i dont know so yea circle circle all over

haha childhood i am happy i have cute childhood memories
cant say i have many teenhood memories to remember about
other then having to like 2 different girl with the same name >.>"
lol well lame anyway lol
they are still my friends for life haha
one's married i think? dono that's wat she have in her friendster
but she's working with a game friend of mine xD
looks likethey are having a lot of fun though =)
the other kinda mia =\
she's a little emo kind
but well that's the character that i like about her

lol wat am i doing character analysis? >.> geez
anyway time to hit the deck
wat will i dream again tonight?
wat adventure will i be in?
cant wait to find out...
oyasuminasai dreamer's world...

Food-topia

2008-09-08T11:10:00.004+08:00

8th Sept

Food-topia

Lol funny thing happened today
well it's more of a gong gong situation
i actually tot my rt started this month
went off to ns portal to check for the location
and found out that it was not today -.-"
so went out with mother today to carrefour's warehouse sale iat pandan loop
lol some of the things there are quite cheap xD
but i got owned when i got myself a waterbottle that costed 7
i could have got it for 1 or 2 dollars !
man...waste money

after that went off to suntec for the food fest 2008
haha but guess wat we saw before we got to convention hall?
water sports! haha u mean be guessing "geez wat's so unique about watersports"
well this~! i dont have to tell u just look at the pictures and u will know XD
i just wish i was a kid again. look at them having so much fun >.<

went we reach the convention hall the place is filled with ppl
and pls dont forget all that smell of ...FOOD!
as a delicacy lover,i cant help myself when there is good food~~
anyway i have written a blog on that in my outing blog xD
really love going to this sort of convention ;3~ *drooling*

went i got home it was about 7+ ~ 8+ in the nite
logged on LGP and saw CH haha
lol told him i went out with my mother
lol somehow he have guessed it's a family outing xD
still say i am a family sort of guy
yea i guess i am kind one
i mean i do take family and loved one's bondin in first place in my life
if costhere are times i wanna have some time on my own
with my friends and doing things i like
but still they come first before me
maybe that's why i am bias when it comes to those i love and cared for.

When the fiend enters the heaven...

2008-09-07T02:56:00.002+08:00

6th Sept 2008

When the fiend enters the heaven...

Many wonder where one's heaven would lie...
some find it in a big vast space
like an ocean or the big blue yonder
others find a small room
with everything they like a blessing to be in

so how can one define "heaven"?
in a bible heaven is a resting place of God
a holy palace where all the angels gathered
but then again when Chaos arises even the Holy place;
Heaven can be in a mess

to us mere human our heart is the heaven we live in
some lived a life of lonliness,selfishness and abandonment
parents whom seek for their own reasons to live and survive,
children who cant understand the hardship of parents.
leading the child grow out of the dark side of mankind
many would have known that man is born selfish as a youngling
with education, one slowly know the way of righteousness
but there are some who learn a street life instincts
the "protect myself and only myself" attitude
everyone beside it would just be a tool of destruction

the pain and agony led down from years and years
has misled the poor sheep to a less florish field
surviving is the only animal instinct one can seek
parents play a big role in life
if one were to led a child and not explain the reason behind each reason
one would never learn
and eventually led to a sad destruction of themselves
like a phantom without a face
hidden behind the shadows of others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sigh...i wish i have a time machine...
there are just so littletime and so many things in life that i wish to achieve
regard i didnt meet up with the right ppl in my life
or at least being in a restricted family control that my younger life has
haha..thinking back to those days sure makes me feel kinda piss
i could have done so many things in my life
if only chances were giving for me to learn from

well no point pondering over lost time
have to keep looking forward and fight fight fight!
only then wouldi feel satify with my life.
doing things i should have dont and trying things i should have already tried
one's never too young...or old to do
one one would never be too old or young to be a devil or a angel in life

the future lies ahead of us.
lay a path and walk on it
know the route to where one is heading.
a beautiful forest can sometimes be a dangerous place
compare to a eerie barren forest
at least u can see wat's ahead of u...

the undying breathe of fire

2008-09-05T04:29:00.000+08:00

5th Sept 2008

the undying breathe of fire

a very cold nite is tonight indeed.
as the cold wind blows with the cilling rain falling from the dark sky
like crystals from a mineral mine
as sat by my com typing this blog while listening to "saigo no kajitsu"
the mix feeling of joy and sadness seems all so smoothe from time to time
wat i feel like doing now is just to go to a corner of my bed
silently lying on my bed and enjoy the darkness
as well as letting this overwhelm me with every little drop of emotion rush

why am i feeling like this?
i donno...
maybe one can call this a final rush?
not becos of love ,not becos of anger or emotional distress
but just a way to enjoy the feeling of "emo" mode
yes i do enjoy these blue moments when my mind just goes while with fantasies
the fantasies of a mythical world of my own

realtiry has it's way of getting onto someone
making one strong on a side
yet weak on the other
yes that the balance of life
u gain a love,u lost a friend
u gain a friend yet u lost a little of the love

that was a sacrifice i had back in my younger days
gain a love and losr my friends
and when i return back to retrieve the friendship,
i lost the love i have gained
it's always how life can fool oneself
well one cant have best of both world can we?

"u are not caring enough for me"
"i need some personal space of my own..."
these are the words one would use all so frequently
i guess i still wish to watch the flowers bloom before my eye
but i am just a bee awaiting harvest
it's not my job to enjoy the beauty of the world

haha... why am i crapping so much senseless stuff
i guess it's time to withdraw back to my warm bed
and enjoy the cold nite in my warm blanket..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

man.. today sure is a busy day
hand washed my yukata;
cleaned the oil cooker,
marinate the meat
and went off to the bank to deposited the money in the bank

cant say those are hard work but well gotta pat myself on the shoulder
"hai! gokurosama deshita!"
i wonder when can i afford to buy another yukata
let alone a cosplay suit if i am going to do one
lol suddenly there is a few ideas popping in my mind
not new anime hars but some anime char that i like

well cosplay isnt all about fame but interest isnt it?
so i am gonna enjoy wat i do
of cos not to do it badly of cos
no point doing something that isnt fun
everything has to have a reason and enjoyment
if there i no reason to enjoy then it wont be any fun in life!

I wonder if i would be able to do this char if i can afford the money >.<"
Ginta~ and Bobo + Snow-chan from MAR

where would one's heart go?

2008-09-05T01:49:00.002+08:00

5th Sept 2008

where would one's heart go?

i guess these few days i must have been brooding over lots of issue
not really big time issues
but well everytime when i go into a blue mood
i my visions of the world starts to open wider then i my normal days.
i wonder to myself,as a impulse reactor why do i have these long reflection days
where i go very quiet and prefer to be left alone
so as to keep my thoughts in track.

many feel constrained by feelings and the views of others
yes one do have to agree with that.
peers plays a big role in everyone's life
there is always a saying that goes
"Trust noone but yourself,your family and your only true soulmates"
the world is cruel when it comes to betrayal and fear

when u trust someone,
u put a part of your soul into them
it's just like getting married
u exchange a "ring" with each other
but to whether if your ring is a diamond ring or just a plastic one
that's the part that differential the weight of your friendship

man is stupid and foolish when it comes to investing in feelings
but then again if we dont wont we be beast of the wilderness?
who can tell?
i guess noone,even the greatest philsophers can explain wat is life
tracing the link all the way back to the beginning would lead us to a question
we created us.
but let's not go into there.it would take a 20 page explaination to explain

let's go for something simple
how do one make friends
a easy saying would just be "go out there u shyapple and go break a leg!"
but then again if u are shy how would u even start a conversation?
it's hard to start by when u have nothing to begin with
the only way to start something is to have a common interest
same for love,same for clubs
they all work the same

for some i would say if u are studying
when u see a person in need of help
go for it,be the person's helping hand
it takes just 1 friend to get you to become everyone's friend
it's a excuse to say one is shy and wait for others to approach
that would only mean that u would be alone till someone approach u

if u are working same ways approaches
a pack of coffee a nice greeting and a common interest draws a good favour
if u think the surrounding is bad
it's either stay or go
that's the only way to do it

for love,understanding is always the big thing in life
of so many relationships i have seen
the cause of a break up would be misunderstanding
i would say blogging is a good way to bring out the feeling in within
but one would have to know that
watever is said in here is for one to express themselves
for a better understanding towards one another yet do not wish to say it
why type when u can say?

well our minds works in a funny way
when we speak our brains process in a hasty way
the "do without thinking" reaction
so in the end a bad apple turned rotten and moldy
when u type.u would think of wat u write and slowly it preceeds into consideration
in the end u get hold of the situation better then normal
and the reader would seek for more info
with that both parties gets holdof each other much better

that's one reason why i dont just blog about my daily life
but feelings
it helps me understand myself better
why would one wanna know wat we do everyday?
unless it was something special that is...
Dream on fellow friends,walk the path of the castle in the sky...

Looking through the eyes of a loving couple

2008-09-04T17:32:00.002+08:00

4th Sept 2008

Looking through the eyes of a loving couple

has anyone ever think of how it would be to look through the eyes of your love one?
to see how the other person think of u
and how they feel when u are close to them or when u are not close to them,
or when they look at u when u are talking
to someone whom seems too close then comfort?

well these are the things that one would feel when one's in a relationship
the joy of a bursting energy of joy
yet in times a waterfall of sorrows
with a heart weighting a ton hanging on your chest
but well afterall we are human.
we seek to be loved and a house of comfort

we cry,we laugh,we sing the songs of joy and weep to the sorrows of pain
we hand in hand we will always wish for a sofy touch from a hand
that we love holding it close to our heart
holding them forever.
a lost feather from a beautiful wing awaits one to search for them
each with a memories of everything moments one havewith the other
with the and only that we live to see another tomorrow...

that's my eyes and my wish when i look into someone's eye
i seek only the truth in your eye and no more then that
for it tells a thousand tales and many wonders i would wanna search for...

when u love
give it all your heart to love
when u leave do not bring about the pain onto the love of your past
move on,keep smiling and encourage them
u know it's painful but does it worth that much to bring pain to more?
so for that lay a path of smooth sail to the ocean across...

so many days have pasted since i last blogged
yea well comp was lagging badly these days
was afking in a game called "Legends of Golden Plume"
kinda a cute game though
very pokemon like
in a sense of catching monsters as your pets
not to mention the marriage and beta free gold events
attended a wedding not too long ago
kinda cool.but well i am training myself anyway lol
online love ?
well it's a dangerous thing to play with
yea i do have to say i love to have extra exp
but yea i think when i need it then saty bah haha

anyway took some screenshots of the game anyone who wanna play just pm me =3
anyway if u wanna go to the webby just go here http://lgp.enjoymmo.com/
find Yutaka or XxYukinoxX
just shout in world chat for my name will find me ;3

the 7 wonders of the world

2008-09-02T03:40:00.006+08:00

1st Sept 2008

the 7 wonders of the world

another months passed by yet again
as the church bell from a nearby church started ringing the tune of a newborn month
my heart withers more to see how the world takes off with troubles and human nonsenses
yesterday was a fun day to remember
today's new month
tml's a headache day to ponder

why some might ask
well one wont know wat will happen the next day would we?
it just saddens me how everyone feels over issues of friendship and relationships
Love is a daily bread,with it u can soar into the very sky
hmmm...mightwanna add mouldy infront of the bread
and change that sky into thunderstorm

one enters a relationship,
ponders and wonder why we are in it
waited and shared some interest for a year or two
things turn sour,boring and all selfish
one starts to turn away
while the other starts to feel neglected
in the end it's either one would seek others for partnership
or simply feel the pain of betrayal

same for marriage
so sick of this shit
sometimes i wonder how does it feel to be in a fling
no worries of commitment,betrayal and lost of freedom
haha but i guess i am the kind that's cant seem to be in one
in the end of the fling would only be me longing rather then the other partner

now my life's kinda in a mess.
family,friends,bad peers and good peers
who should i stand with?
the ones whom i know yet i dont know at all?
or the ones who i dont know yet i wanna know more...
for now i think i can only say i cna only trust a few friends
True friends,these are the ppl i will protect as well
well enough i am bias so be it
i believe my bias has their reasons behind them
but again i wonder when as every turn to be worser then i have expected?
or is there some exterior force behind this?
watever it is at least it's more clear then ever how things are turning out to be
man(human kind) will always to selfish.FullStop!

these days i am very into tsubasa chronicals songs again.
there is only a few anime that i like a lot
chobits,ah!megami sama,tsubasa chronicles are some of the lovey animes that i am into
just yesterday during matsuri i am surprise that they actually played chobits theme song
but i guess they are not very up to date with their songs.
kinda a rush rush event as well =\
M.C wasnt very up to standard lol
i mean i LMAO at the part where the M.C said "explain cosplay" and with a reply of "huh?" XD
they kinda look like students to me >.>
but i mean i cant blame them as well.
they were kinda out of ideas anyway lol
if i were them at least do a little research on wat the events are
and have some emergency protocols o well.
at least this year i got thefeel of how a cosplayers year would be
"event"-ful is all i can think of xD
but again i stress i am just sad with the singapore attitude over cosplay
well i dont see cosplay as just dressing
i just take it as a overview of japanese culture and hobbies

then again of the whole event
there is 1 cosplayer i kinda "look down" yet honour her deeds
yes the "chocobo" that i mistaken as a "duck"
to make your own cosplay stuff isnt easy
it might look crappy but hey THAT's the spirit of cosplaying
well i better patch up my spirit and patch up a wing that i so longed to make
as for the "secret char" i was hoping to cosplay hmmm i wonder if i can afford it
not to mention make the wig well enough >.>
for now money comes first lol

Hot Hot matsuri~!

2008-09-01T01:10:00.004+08:00

31st Aug 2008

Hot Hot matsuri~!

has been a tiring day for me again
sleeping late these days chionging LGP online
but cos today's matsuri
so yesterday slp at 12
but even then i still feel tired
eyes keep feeling watery and feeling a headache today as well

but the hot feeling of the event has drive me on till the end of the day
kinda at the early part of the event when i saw no cosplayers around
till the later part of the day,more started flooding in.
walking around on geta can sure get your legs all cramp
well not really the geta's prob
yesterday just danced PIU so foot still have sores
today again played PIU almost GG =\

haha i cant believe my ears when i heard that shouji cried when he saw the cake
glad he have enjoyed the day.
spammed his special day with lots of his photos
o yea how can the hardo gay king in the club actually admit lost xD
yea shouji actually surrender to another guy
who was more hardo gay then him XD,even sound like him too o.O"
guess the world isnt as small as we think it is =P

well gotta get this photos uploaded and setup my matsuri bloggy
hmm wonder why neko mimi sai seems kinda sian sian
his cheerful self just isnt here today =\
hope his feeling better xD

A Castle in the sky of thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it's again time for feelings and emotion talks
so nice seeing many smiling faces
and has been quite a while since i have seen them
been so busy these days till no time chat
more over hasnt been chatting in forum for quite a while

but somehow the aura isnt really right
well some stuff i have predicted the happenings
yet i so wish singapore cosplaying area is mire like over seas.
the typical singaporean attitude just simply piss me off.
maybe it's due to our upbringing that has made us think more for ourselves

smile and keep smiling
never give up that smile,
smile...smile...smile.....
those are not smiles.
just paper-cutted cardboards of fake smiles.
really wish i can cast a spell and make everyone smile
LOL better not.
if not i would become the joker lol
sigh...i will smile on even when the storm brews
damn fell asleep for a short while typing this
spammed the enter key >.>"
ok that means i need to go lala land and eat my cotton candied clouds!
Oyasumi nasai...

-.-zzzZZZ.... (o.0") ~<(WTF!? Roar of thunder!!)

Triple Home Movie Rush ~

2008-08-28T11:14:00.002+08:00

27th Aug 2008

Triple Home Movie Rush ~

there so much movie that i wanted to
and yet no time for them till a sneak preview today~

Wall E
~~~~~~

wow wall E is a must see!
a although there isnt much speech by the old rust can
but hey! his a rust old robot with a heart of a blooming flower xD
being lonely in planet earth and meeting Eva the advance surveillance robot
protecting her and in the end being together with her~
A 4/5star movie~
gotta catch it on screen when it's officially out!

Star wars : clone wars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yet another amazing animation.the fight scenes of the jedi knights
it's a remade version of the star war series into animation
The battle scenes is alway the most fantastic within the movie
Any star war fan would love this animation as well~
4/5 stars for this movie~

Meet Dave
~~~~~~~~~~

A non stop laughter comedy movie!
with a tiny world of the "aliens"
they set off on a journey on earth as "Dave Ming Chen"
and how does a alien navigate on earth?
Nothing like the most powerful system "Google" and "Yahoo" LOL!
yea dont be surprise =x
Ming chen is the most common name in the world according to "google" XD

laugh your hearts out with the little friends
as they journey through earth with a ship size of a human,
a eye that never blinks ,
and a appetite that never ends! (anyone wanna drink a bottle of ketcup? XD)

Yugi-"oh my god"?

2008-08-27T01:34:00.003+08:00

26th Aug 2008

Yugi-"oh my god"?

spend the whole day slacking my life off
as i seems to have addivted to yugi oh gamesXD
kept going online to look for more deck combos and playing them
dmg is not all the game could do.
i like finding strange combo that dishes out strange effects XD
yea was so bored that i made a luck deck as well? x.X

yea as i was looking back at my old pics i found this pic of a wallet i saw
when i as running around looking for geta
the NOT EMO wallet lol

i was like "wth someone actually made it into a brand fashion" XD
it's amazing how fasion can be a twist of things we like and hate lol
i can still remember a pic i saw in my email condom dresses >.>
fancy ,but i wonder if those condoms are...lol nvm wont wanna think about it

finally finished my matsuri blog page
took me quite a while to get all the pics in place
not to mention resizing them and getting some pic i missed out from dark
yea memories are meant to be kept
so that one will never forget the fun times..
and the sad ones as well..
well not all sad memories are bad
at least they serve as a valuable lesson in life

http://dreamersmatsuri.blogspot.com/

gonna make a siggy for it to be linked onto my friendster and stuffas soon as i link the old cosplay link as well XD
more work to do i guess X.x"

A Vid for the bits

2008-08-27T01:28:00.002+08:00

25th Aug 2008

A Vid for the bits

spend the whole day trying to perfect that vid i promised to peiqi and the BOB team
yea am man...i sure hate my comp
pretty much as to smashing it and getting a new one
but yea i cant x.X
at least not now.
the comp hanged several times while i try to make the vid
from a even funnier version i am force to speed up the vid to reduce hang time
as well as muting the convo between everyone =\
the convo was suppose to be the funniest parts too >.<"

o well,at least the product turn out super funny xD
which makes me wonder
why did i have the stupid expression xD
(x 0 x) Y geez it made me look as if the cake taste terrible xD
must be the ichigo owning me x.X

anyway here's the fruits of the my labour XD enjoy all~

Natsu Matsu~!Tanoshimi desu yo ^0^

2008-08-24T09:02:00.004+08:00

23rd Aug 2008

Natsu Matsu~!Tanoshimi desu yo ^0^

today is the day i have long awaited for
yes it's natsu matsuri~
not cosplaying but it's all about japanese culture and traditions
yes to me i am a bit unlike others
to some cosplaying is a way of getting fame
but to me it's all part of a japanese culture and arts
but today it's all different
i feel all blend into the world which i have long for
a event that so wanted to feel.

yea i mean it's still not as real as the being in japan
the hanabi,folkdance and stuff
but wat sadden me was the fact that it rained =\
i got a feelking that they actually situated the dance to be in the field
just like japan
but well,i gotta thank a gal i met there who offered her umbrella to us
but yea i became a umbrella holder for about like 1.5 hours >.but at least my yukata wont be total drench =)
arigato gozaimasu~ ,~(._.)~.

the event was really fun but there is a strange aura which i didnt quite like
but i try not to let that aura affect me
i feel a bit bad being unable to let haruX enjoy more as he had to go off early
his quite a nice guy to hang out with,
just that the food there isnt really his type >.<
which waiting for the others to get dressed
both of us went off looking around.
we feel ,kinda silly waiting in the queue for no reason.
iu guess dark was a little sad that she cant get yukata too
>.< Gomen nasai >.<

meet sensei at the matsuri~~
wah cant believe she actually brought my geta and belt to me x.X
thanks ice sensei~~

i guess wat i like the best about the event would be the folk dancing
LOL i didnt know etsu was so into dancing folk dance xD
really fun dancing with her.
some of the others joined in as well
but they didnt really dance as much as both of us.
i could practically dance the whole nite~
and woot hot hot hot~~sweat sweat sweat~tanoshimi dechu~~

actually wanted to go to the games for the last stop
but i guess the rest of the guys were too absorb in getting food
till they kept ignoring me
o well wasted the tickets =\
i guess i should have just gone off with etsu to go play first
too much delay liao =\
will be restarting my matsuri blog soon
since the last one i tot someone might maintain so i didnt start one.
time to get to work!
but yea this matsuri blog wont be for others.
kinda will be for myself
and any outing that i am in
so easier for me to maintain it

this event i gotta thanks Ace for bringing us and providing more info it
Peiqi ,especially HaruX and Dark for accompanying me from time and time
Mint for keep bullying me >.< kidding lah .nice joking with u.hair slapped >.<
And Most of all Etsu for the company in the folkdance~
Ichiban dechu~ o(^0^)b

Back : Ligen,Ace,Yutaka
Front : Kuchi,Nori,Etsu,Mint
Photographer : DarkWildWolf

Tales of an angel part 6

As the rise of the sun of a beautiful day
the cupid rises to dance with rejoice for the heaven
there as the fallen angel gathered within a corner listening to the songs of joy
dancing among the grass with the animals below,
a song of sorrow was melodically with the songs tells a story so yet another tale
"Dreams unfold,hearts of untold story
do thee know why the tears that ran down the river
to the lake of the evergreen forest..?

Every footstep you told blooms a flower of joy
but every flower you bloom,
attracts bees in search for your nectar

My heart would drift onwards to you
yet slowly the flowers you bloom for me
are wilting slowly in a cold winter...

Be mine and only mine
Keep me warm and never let go
for I only long for you..."

tears ran down the cheek of the fallen angel
with the songs of praise
he can only hear songs of sorrow
yet all he can do was send a chorus floating in the wind
and letting the river bring down a smile to that sorrow voice

"Be as strong as the wind the blows from time to time;
Stronger the northern winds;

Be as gentle as the rapids,quick to move by yet never rushing too fast
Brave to move through the different steps;

Never give up the smile that one believes in
Cry for the longing of laughter
Again from time after time of sadness

Never let go what you long for
Give a heart for your longing soul
Up to the skies above...

Standing by the river a light suddenly shined brightly
there on his peaceful little sanctuary
he danced along with the elves and the animals
A smile that kept him moving and dancing nonstop
singing the songs of praises
and the duet chorus of the "Drifting Sorrow"

Out of the Pan and into my plate~!

2008-08-24T01:05:00.000+08:00

24th Aug 2008

Out of the Pan and into my plate~!

woot another food fiesta with my game friends yz and joseph]
yea this is our 2nd food gathering
i still remember the first one was coscafe a few months ago
and now we are back again for another round

wat food u might ask?
it's Crepes~! from " Out of the Pan"
just too bad this time i was kinda hungry that i forgot to take pics of our food =\
the starter salad was nice
since we each order set meals
we took every different type of salad
Potato,mix vegi and fruit

up came the Crepes
the tastebug lingering favour is one that none should forgot about
but the only bad thing is it's not fulfilling enough
we had to get something else to kept my tummies full
but well it was a unforgettable taste experience i would say xD
well the price is ok compared to the last wine & dine with them
which was well over 120 for the 3 of us xD
70+ this time xD
i wonder where would our taste buds bring us next x.X

well here's the reciept anyway XD

Yukata trial wearing

2008-08-22T18:50:00.003+08:00

22nd Aug 2008

Yukata trial wearing

yea tml is the day for Natsu Matsuri
pretty excited about it
so as i have planned for today i tried learning to wear the yukata by myself
wasnt a easy job to do x.X
just trying to make the yukata wear right was already a test of patience
took me quite a whole to get it right x.X

the obi was quite a headache too XD
it's pretty long almost 2m~3m long >.<
and it took me several tries just to successfully make it >.<
i cant imagine if i never try it out
it would bea disester tml morning lol
gotta wear up early in the monring to eat breakfast,
bath and start wearing the yukata liao
meeting boss at his place to help him with his yukata
i think i better go find him around 10+
got a feeling it's not gonna be easy xD

looking forward for tml~~
haha took some pic of my front back of my yukata
man is it hot~~(not sexy hot but sweating hot >.<)

finally completed my Yukata set~

2008-08-21T19:44:00.002+08:00

21st Aug 2008

finally completed my Yukata set~

today sure spent quite a bomb on my final pieces of yukata
after doing my research on wher i can get my geta and obi
i went off in search for them.
never knew i can walk that much lol
gotta blog down my path i walked today x.X
First stop
bugis junction>>Bugis village>>sim lim square>>sun tec>>city link>>marina square>>city link>>suntec>>city hall

lol 2.5hrs of nonstop walking
now that's wat i call a healthy lifestyle XD
yea right...health my ass.my leg now is as tired as if i ran 2.4 >.<"

but it's cool meet ayami and painted at haru.
actually i saw them just at mrt just that see them couple i didnt wanna interrupt them so i walk a distant back XD
so yea yugi oh and walking is crazy xD
yea went over to say hi to ice and told her about the geta i brought XD
total 113 sia x.X + fan 19.80
lol but watls gay was the price of the fan i asked in city link.
after they check the price list 70+ for that damn fun LMAO
siao as if i would pay 70 for it.
i doubt shipping a damn fan is gonna cost 70 -0-"
but funny i remember that time they tell me is 17 leh -.-"

oh well,well yea again i brought ayami to bugis and got his yukata and obi as well~
a for geta well he will have to find a replacement le
cos the geta off his budget 59.90 lol.
the other geta is nicer but wth 100+ wor cmi x.X
haha well at leas this time i gotten everything ready~~
now to wait for natsu matsuri~~

pay day round 2

2008-08-20T22:44:00.002+08:00

20th Aug 2008

pay day round 2

after yesterday's payday round one
it's time for peiqi and friends to come get thgeir pay
i actually remember wrongly the time of meeting xD
suppose to meet them at 3 but i reach 3.15
no wonder i was wondering why they reach so early LOL!

anyway went over to payroll office and met aishah and lydia
wah really damn heng sia.
yesterday met shar today meet them both.
heng today not much ppl also,yesterday really see dragon -.-

after that went off to kfc with peiqi and minhui
lyn had to go off
i cant believe we walked from ciy hall to PS x.X
looks like i am the mountain turtle
when it comes to walking from one location to the other
to think yesterday i was trying to "gps" a walking route to orchard
and today taking that route
that had made me feel glad i didnt bring yz and joseph by foot lol

yea wasnt in a eating mood
curry at home with 6 pieces of bread owns me totally
yea but nothing can beat having a large ice lemon tea woot~~
while we talk and me busying with my yugioh psp
we joke the world off
wonder how theyall can eat with all the gross topic of vomitting and pukingx.X
need to bow to them XD

off to arcade with some basketball challenge.
i am surprise today i am doing better then before
my shoots are actually bouncing out lesser.
and every match seems to be my score higher then peiqi
but...i just dont understand...how she WIN ME? o.O
my one cheating!!! =\
but i think i prefer bugis basketball
cos can keep playing nonstop
this one donno why 3 matches nia

after arcade i bid my farewell to the gals and made my way to haru
of cos not before i have some fun dancing PIU
and i totally failed -.-
donno why,i think must be my pants not flexible enough
lost in the 2nd round zzz
so yea just go off to haru.
was happy my yukata is finally here~~.

also went all over orchard to hunt for my geta and belt
i mean like wth?
taka dont have lucky plaza dont have -.-
wat's more funny is in taka
i went from 1st floor to 5th floor.
walk to resturant area and back went down to basement dont have
then end up i got piss walk off then wth
that jap corner is right where i first came in 30mins ago -.-
bakamono desu yo..boku de..but again they dont have male ones =\
it's either male ppl buy too fast or simply they never import much >.<
o well tml i will hunt my geta and belt =3
then need to pratice wearing it =\
not gonna be easy >.<

a smiling face with some dirt in hand~!

2008-08-19T21:59:00.002+08:00

19th Aug 2008

a smiling face with some dirt in hand~!

finally the pay ordeal is over.
money is finally given to everyone
though i can say many arent feelingvery happy with it
so am i.
but i dont wish to dwell on it anymore.
after so many days of stavation finally i am able to have something nice to eat
met yz,joseph,goukun&gf,jingda today
everyone was here to collect the money
feel so glad that a load is off my shoulder
only left with peiqi and friends' payslip with me.
i wonder if tml would be find for them to go down to collect the pay

hah yea i am planning to go down to orchard anyway ,
yea~~ my yukata is finally here =3
going to get it from sensei tml as well as go shop for my fan
ran around with yz and joseph while vs-ing yugi oh
haha sure was fun.won quite a lot of rounds with my new deck
he was so owned he went gg whole day XD
lol grind deck~ =3 grind my own card till i have last 3 card and i won by exodus xD
he totally sian by 1/2 xD
now i need to vs gumok LOL.his my worst opponent x.X trashed by him big time >.<~

haha tml's goal is to find my fan
priace range from 16~25 dollar
gonna set the silk type de not those paper one .
looks strange with my yukata if i take those lol
which i suddenly wonder if nori and peiqi got their fan from the same shop i saw in citylink lol
totally the same pink fan lol
guess it must be a common fan =\
woot woot really a happy day~~ ^o^V

so weekend's outing plan le
sat - Natsu Matsuri
sun - makan sutra with Yz and joseph
i think it will be more yugi oh on sunday bah wahhaa xD.
gotta go make more decks to play with =3

dreamless love and loveless dreams

2008-08-18T20:34:00.003+08:00

18th Aug 2008

dreamless love and loveless dreams

these days i have really starting to dream a lot.
from love andbreak up dreams to the recent romance of the 3 kingdom type of dream
yea this time i dream of everyone as a character in romance of 3 kingdom
fighting over land and atking cities
i wonder if i am missing everyone in the class.
well if you think of ppl and things too much
subconsciencely u will dream about them
actually i do miss them
but going out with them might be a prob since i am in need of money
gotta find a perm job soon.

unlike some of them,
they are still young
allowance and stuff from parents are abundance
yea i cant compare with others as well
family isnt really very much well off.
i too love dressing up and looking good
but money has always been a factor that made me change my mind.
"u need some new clothing?"
"nah dont need lah my old one still can use"
a bag with holes can last me even till now.
well every little money counts.

funny to wat i see i have spent quite a sum
for the past 2 months gathering and stuff
it was fun i have to admit but it burns a hole as well.
at least i found out that there are much more cosplaying events in singapore
then just cosfest.
if cos i wont forfeit my love and dream for a troublesome clamity that happened
most of my friend knows about my interest
yea even my ex do too.
very much into this expect of arts.
yea i am quite a japano-file,
cosplay,jrock,traditional japanese tradition and stuff

if i were given a choice to be reborn,
i would choose japan.
i had dreamt about it before
living in japan,
working there and stuff.
there is so much difference between japan and singapore.
school,work,ppl and lifestyle.
sometimes i really fear being a singaporean as well...
the kiasu,kiasee attitudes
but wat am i to complain?
i am already born in this very country.
only way to get in touch with my heart is to follow my soul...

been listening to the instrumetal version of Tsubasa Chronicle - If You Are My Love
very sweet song,sad yet touching.
brings out a lot of thoughts in my heart.
really love these musical pieces.
music for the soul~

12 lotus : the movie

2008-08-17T00:10:00.002+08:00

16th Aug 2008

12 lotus : the movie

haha chatted with carol earlier.looks like she gotten her waloli
and kanon costume~
damn cute XD
1 look from her pic totally can tell she is a kanon char
rhe one who has a angel bag
forgot her name T^T
which makes me thing of a photoshoot theme.
Nippon Jikan : Waloli,Kimono,Yukata photoshoot theme =3
time to jio ppl and make it happen~

today accompanied mother to the polyclinic
a little bored =\
but well it's a promise so yea haha
sometimes it's really a irritating that
there are so many ppl in polyclinics
the amount of waiting time can drive one person mad lol.

watched movie with family 9.40 show haha
the 12 lotus, a freaking 2hr show but seriously
i rather they make it a tv series >.>
the first 1hr of the show was ok
songs and getai stuff
lover scenes and more singing

but when the last hour comes after the million dollar song
everything turn shitty and all no link zzz
dont make much sense
and the random songs that cuts into scenes
simply CMI lol.i started yawning when that parts came by -.-
cant imagine tml my neighbour's family going to watch that show
gonna see them complaiing like mad wahaha
12 lotus vs 881
881 owns this show 90 votes is to 10 xD
rate this show 2 stars out of 5
why 2 stars? they better thank their actors for the first hour -.-
cos the last hour is a complete flop =\
not that the actors are not good
it's the story line that makes no sense haiz...

but i have to say the 12 lotus song sure is a sad song
too bad the story of this show cant bring out that part of the song =\
failed badly i guess..
anyway singapore production ganbarimasu~~!

a scary dream...

2008-08-15T10:25:00.003+08:00

15th Aug 2008

a scary dream...

today i got woke up by a scary dream
i saw a lot of arguing and break ups in it.
everyone i knew was in it.
and there i say someone familiar pounding on my chest crying frantically
cos she was ditched and i was somehow the cost to it...
kinda scary.i hope that will NEVER happen.
i wonder why did i suddenly dreamt of all these stuff..>.>

sigh...
damn pay..still not out
i am starting to worried about my daily usage
yes although i am quite a thifty person when i want to
spending as much as less then 10 per day if i am on survivor mode
but it's not all about me isnt it?
mother's medical fee for this sat..
sigh..damn payroll would u mind coming out faster?

these days not many ppls are having prob with money and stuff.
just recently i have been having stomachache and stuff.
damn i wonder if this skipping of meals is causing me the prob,.
but well i do hope it will slim down as well.
cant imagine surviving on 1 load of bread with a can of tuna.4 dollars / 4 days
1 dollar per day.
hmmm quite saving enough lol
let's try for 50 cents next time x.X"

tickets for natsu matsuri =3

2008-08-15T10:03:00.002+08:00

14th Aug 2008

tickets for natsu matsuri =3

received a call from peiqi today
yea she might be able to get tickets for natsu matsuri
yogatta nee~~
but later got a sms in the nite that she can only get 2 =\
cos it has to be members to buy >.<"
o well at least secured 2 tickets.
so i guess i will still be going over to queue with the others for the ticket
so the reserve ticket can be for those for are lazy to queue X3
i cant imagine queuing up the whole day with my yukata T^T

wat worries me more is having everyone looking at me wearing my yukata out! XD
after that day wher i was wearing gothic
i have enough attention in Teban to last for a while x.X;

these days i have been wondering if i should go live again with my blog
just notice there is a free first time viewers in my blogs
anyway i am not really bothered with ppl reading.
i mean since now i am more or least affected by the things around me these days
everything has become numb.

tot about having another chalet next year if boss is still extending his studies
but as for who i am inviting this time i might restrict.
not that i dislike anyone
it's hard to control the crowd.
and with those who just dont wish to tell
where they are i am left with a doubtful of blames
i would rather pay a little more and have fun
then pay a little less for more trouble

yea birthday boys and gals that day are seriously invited~
but no more metal balls T^T
i was quite sad when my cake ended up as a cake bashing party =\
geez gotta start planning for next year's chalet once this year ends.
wat to do ,where to book.
i wish to book aloha this time~
big place lovely sceneries
and yes more space!
no more cramping and end up sleeping on the floor T^T
sigh...