When Dreams Prevail,

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

crying..being alone with the world against me...

10th July 2008

crying..being alone with the world against me...

i donno wat is going on..
but being accused for something i didnt do is something i deeply regard...
just last nite i made a big converse chatwith everyone i know during that day.
explaining about wat has happened.
end the end.all i can feel is the fact that ppl still think i am doing something very wrong.
i can sense the anger everywhere.

when i was talking to lance about my situation.
he did tell me not to expalin myself.
the more i explain the more ppl have doubts in me.
i just wanted everyone to stop making those around me cry.
i dont wish to say who since i know someone is stalking my blog
trying to get me.even if u are reading this i dont give a damn.
this is my blog...everything here is about my feeling
and not for others to judge on wat i type.
i post my anger here so that i wont have to be anger to others.

ha...why am i explaining myself again...
maybe i shouldnt have even bother to explain?
the ppl i used to care for turned against me now.
a place i used to call home has became a tarnished old hut to me...

i spend so much of my effort trying to gather everyone.
making everyone happy.bonding one another and trying to make everyone famous.
i was once look down by others.i know the feeling.that's why i want everyone to feel confident and do their best in watever they do.

i would not forget my benefactor
he showed me that the world is not just a black and white world
even if it is.one must use our heart and care to paint the world again.
and from that day,i stood up again.and lead as a leader for so many areas of my life.from game..to work..to even community services.
everytime i see a smiling face,my heart grew a little bigger and i would wanna share this happiness to many others.
i have always have a liking to remember the happy moments in life
writing them down in forms of a small story and summaries.
it helps bring joy to those who read as well.
those were my 3 years...3 years of endless struggle to train myself not to cry... and share..

now...i have fallen yet again...i cried...

1st time :

was cos 2 of my most cared for person have been hurted.

2nd time :

when i found out things i didnt expect to be...
something that spread like a fire
yet to whether if the romour spreading around is true or not.

i dont wanna say wat i have heard or wat i have found out
i will only sharewith those that i really care for now.
my hearts has fallen rock bottom.
i didnt expect something like this to happen.
i mean although everyone are just friends.
the feeling that i am feeling now is like a family member
just hit me with a heavy weapon
and i just feel a deep bleeding wound.

since the club is getting the fame enough to support itself...
i will take my leave for now...
i am really feeling sad...there is still some much things i wanna do with everyone.
shouji class skit..my planning for the area to start the skit..outings that i have plotted out for everyone to gather and have fun...
suddenly i really failed my duty badly...
my goal for kuraidori and kurabu to merge has not even reach it's goal...
i tot this chalet is a stepping stone for that to happen..
but in the end,not only did i not make it a successful one,i have made
bad memories out of it...
i am a complete failure...
dont deserve anything anymore...

6:57 AM